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Original poster

ADVICE PLEASE

29 replies

Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:05

Social Services called me the other day and told me they wanted an urgent meeting i was distressed to say the least.Wheni went to the meeting they told me they where looking at putting my children on the child protection register because of my partners past apparently they had been contacted by the police. my partner is not the man he used to be and i dont no what to do. My children are everything to me but also love my partner what would you do. Fight it or give it up

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lulumama · 27/05/2007 23:07

you mean fight to keep your children or not?

Amapoleon · 27/05/2007 23:08

My children always come first.

Also would depend what partner had done.

hairymclary · 27/05/2007 23:08

oh dear, it sounds serious. don't do anyrhting until you have been to the meeting and heard what they have to say though.
personally, if it were me, I wouldn't want my kids on the at risk list though, and if I had to choose between my partner and my ds, then ds would win every time

NormaStanleyFletcher · 27/05/2007 23:09

What did he do that the police/SS are worried about?

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:12

No they wont take them just put them on the register. Fight for my partner they wouldnt even tell me what it was about only that he has nothing to do with crimes against children.I dont want my children on the register but i dont want to say goodbye to my partner either he has never been anything but lovely to me and my children love him

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hairymclary · 27/05/2007 23:13

you really can'ty make any decisions until you have heard what exactly is going on.
have you spoken to your partner about this yet? do you live together?
why have the police contacted them now? has someone made a complaint about him or reported him for something?

RosaLuxembourg · 27/05/2007 23:14

What did they say about your partner's past.
Was it new information to you or was it something you already knew about? What does he say about this?
You need to make a judgement about whether SS have valid concerns or not. What have they suggested as a next step. Personally, I would go see a solicitor asap and talk through the options with them.
You sound shocked and confused. Of course you are going to put your children first, but you need to clear your head and try to think straight about the situation.

RosaLuxembourg · 27/05/2007 23:16

So they wouldn't tell you what they know about your partner that makes it necessary to put your children on the at risk register. What does he say? Can you contact the police and see if they would tell you anything. I can see that is very difficult for you to make a decision if you don't know the full facts.

hairymclary · 27/05/2007 23:18

sorry, I juust realised I mis-read the first post.
I thought you had yet to go to the meeting.

what are their concerns regarding your children?

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:22

My partner has had a gang type past and his girlfriend reported him for hitting her and one of her children this he did 4 months remand for and then it was thrown out of crown court by the judge she retracted statement and did not turn up for court and said she did it to get at him. I talked to all his family about this and they have said it never happened. she fell over when drunk and dropped her son and broke her jaw. He has never raised his voice to me and plays with my son all the time he is very loving and gentle. He wants to be a different man but it seems he is not aloud to be. He is retraining and wants to move away. I only see him twice a week

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Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:25

They cant tell me anything because of data protection apparently so what am i supposed to do.

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joash · 27/05/2007 23:27

Having been through the crap that we've been through over the past four years (we now have full and permanent custody of our Grandson) he will never be returned to the care of his parents because his dad is na absolute tosser. Take notice of the Social Services - contrary to things in the media, they rarely take such a drastic step unless it is fully warranted. They ignored my concerns over his father - even though he was 'known' to them and six weeks after I made my complaint, GS was in the hospital with a chest fracture, bruising all over his face, broken blood vessels in his eyes and he'd been starved (he was five months old). TO be honest I can't beleive that any mother would even have to think twice about being with a partner if there were some concerns about him (or her). I think putting the children first means DO NOT TAKE THE RISK... LEAVE HIM and then sort out any potential 'relationship' once you know the facts.

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:28

His own child is not on the register and goes out with my daughter they have been together for over a year

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RosaLuxembourg · 27/05/2007 23:30

I have to say I would be concerned too. It is not too easy to get a broken jaw by falling over. I do think you need to think about this one seriously. Really the best thing would be to get some legal advice.

Amapoleon · 27/05/2007 23:30

I have to agree with Joash, my sil put her man before her child and he ended up nearly killing dn. I had him for a while during the relationship before that one as well. In the beginning the bloke seemed really nice.

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:31

Thank you joash. No one else has concerns about him even his own family he has never laid a finger on his son in 15 years.

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joash · 27/05/2007 23:33

Don't let that fool you. GS's dad comes across as 'perfect'. His family still thinks the sun shines out of his backside and as far as we know, he has never hit a child in his life before!!!
My own daughter is still with him and doesn't believe that he did what he did - even though all the medical evidence was against him and even though he admitted it to the police and the court.

NurseyJo · 27/05/2007 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:34

He will still be around my dd as she is going out with his son she goes over there all the time partner lives with his mum and dad

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Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:35

He has a criminal record but his last crime was 6 years ago

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joash · 27/05/2007 23:35

Also - you can't rely on what his son says. My siblings and I had the sh*t kicked out of us for years by our stepfather, but we would have never admitted it at the time, and even lied to protect him from the police on numerous occasions.

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:38

joash his son has told me plenty about his dad good and bad but nothing to suggest he has ever hit him. His son is very protective of my dd and i dont think he would want her round some one he thought would hurt her even his dad

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joash · 27/05/2007 23:40

Sorry - but I think you're making excuses. This is not just based on the issues with GS. It's also based on over 20 years experience of working as a youth & Community worker, women's group facilitator and Domestic Violence/Abuse trainer.

Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:42

Its hard to give up someone you love he is gutted i know. Not everyone is the same and people do change.I dont think i have much choice

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Original poster
Inastate · 27/05/2007 23:45

How will this effect my dd then will she have to give up her boyfriend to

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