did you lose the old you? i like the person i used to be.....and i want her back.

[queenrollo]

went for a night out last week and it has made me really think about the old me. i used to be adventurous in how i dressed, had my hair outrageous colours.....i was a social butterfly, all over the pub/club.....would go up to complete strangers and be friends with them by the end of the night. i also used to feel sexy.....would flirt all night and had a wonderful sex life with dp as a result because i felt so bloody wonderful about myself.
it wasn't motherhood that changed me, it was work and paying the bills and my social life dying a death because the local music scene fell on it's arse (we used to go out to see bands all the time).....but having my ds has made me realise i'm in danger of falling into that trap of becoming a mummy/housekeeper and when i hit 40 i'll have totally lost any trace of ME.....

anyone feel like this or is it just me? i really want to feel good about myself again....i want to give a damn about my appearance.....i want to feel ALIVE again.

I am the same. Used to be social, have loads of friends, used to be gorgeous and fit and healthy.

Am now none of the above. it is shit.

It's called growing up.
Happens to us all.
Well, most of us.

Right queen rollo, we need to get back to how we were. I dont think we can get back there, but in getting to somewhere else that is half decent, that would be fab.

Unquiet dad, I am not willing to grow up. I still want a life.

I'm pretty sure I used to be nice to my dh once upon a time...

We still have a life, just a different kind of life. If we still wanted to go out flirting and having outrageous hair and seeing bands every other night, we'd still be 23.

The kind of person I used to be didn't know what an anixety attack felt like. I miss her

This is weird but I was crying in bed about this last night. Everything that I held dear - that defined me as a person - has been lost in marriage and motherhood. I am no longer me. I find it very very sad and want the old me back. After all the now me is not the person DH married.

Isn't this why - to answer a question on another thread - people need "me time", away from their DP/DW/DH, and children?

But me time is not enough - I am living in the wrong house in the wrong town doing the wrong things....

does DH feel like this too?

I was thinking about this the other day and almost started a thread. It is so hard sometimes, the weight of all the responsibilities makes it so hard to be someone who is carefree.

I sometimes feel really selfish and want to go out with my friends for a drink and be me again (which is not very often) but when I get there all I want to do is be at home so maybe we sometimes feel life is always greener but is it really?? I'm 40 next year so maybe I'm at the age now where I like being the new me - I've done all my partying and just want to be happy which somedays I am but not always - but that's life I suppose.

This is a sad thread

I'm 25, have been a mother for over 7 yrs, been properly responsible for paying bills since 19 and started my own business at 24. Some days I'd like to be me, I was reminded when i tried to have a night out the other week how I'm not allowed a night off from it either as my mum phoned at 10pm for em to pick dd up even though she was supposed to be staying there - fair enough but reminded me all the same.

I don't think DH does think like this because in all honesty I don't think his life has changed so dramatically - he still has a hugely successful career, he still spends the weekends competing in the sport he loves and I just feel he hs imposed lots of himself on me and my life.

i know what you mean, we're going to a 40th bday aprty at the weekend and i'll be seeing people i haven't seen since we decamped to middle england dumpy mummy country - i too used to have a personality , a sense of humour and a sex life - the thing is whereas before kids i used to be really vivacious now i'm a bit dull , and dead tired - not sure i'll have much fun, or be much fun, i don't think my old friends will recognise me - i don't.

Going out with your friends for a drink now and then isn't selfish. At least, as a man I don't think it is. Do women think it is?

It's so sad because before I had interests in so many things and was quite well read and knew lots and now it has all drained away

noodle i so feel the same way

It's not going out for a drink - I do do that but it's the way we live our lives, the holidays we take, the way we decorate our house - it is all very much DH and I feel squashed

I like how I am now to be honest, 10 years ago I was stuck in a crap marriage with a man who I think never truly loved me anyway...I was so fuddy duddy and only 25 with 2 kids under my feet.

Now in another marriage, older wiser and happier I would HATE to go back the way now

noodle - I realise, I was responding more to lolly on that occasion really.

Unquietdad - sometimes I do feel selfish because I work full-time and dont see engouh of my DD anyway. My DP does come and go as he pleases so I agree with Noodlestroodle - the men's life doesnt really change that much. If DP and I split up tomorrow - he would carry on regardless and I would have to have all the responsibility of bringing DD up.

I can sympathise so much. Between teaching, marriage and being a mum, I think I've disappeared and all I do is respond to other people's needs - my job doesn't help here. I want to be me again but I don't know who that is any more. I just want to not be needed by anyone for a while; to just have some peace and quiet in my own head...To lie on the sofa for the whole day and read because that's how I want to spend my day. To stay up all night like I used to at uni - and be able to lie in the next day...