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Original poster

Can you tell your children that you love them too much?

31 replies

TenaLady · 12/05/2007 20:58

I am constantly telling my ds how much I love him and asking for cuddles.

I do wonder if this might affect our relationship later in life. You know, become rebellious cos Mum loves me whatever.

Or

Maybe he will become so confident that people will grow to dislike him.

Oh, this parenting thing is sooooo hard!

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 12/05/2007 21:01

i think as long as you never force the issue if the child isn't in the mood it impossible to say i love you or cuddle too much (i hope so anyway coz i do it alot too!)

brandnewhelsy · 12/05/2007 21:02

I work on the basis that family is the first place you learn about love and if it is shown to you, you will know what it is and how to give it to others. Can't say it too much, IMO. And if it means a child grows up confident because he or she is loved, so much the better. I've never heard an adult complaining their parents showed them too much love, but I've heard many say their parents didn't tell them or didn't show them that they loved them.

dmo · 12/05/2007 21:03

dont know but if your child feels loved and secure it cant be a bad thing can it?
my boys 9 and 10 love having hugs in my bed but its a no no at the school gates (they grow up so quickly enjoy the hugs while u can)

Original poster
TenaLady · 12/05/2007 21:03

I must say it 10-20 times a day, thats too much isnt it? He is so gorgeous and my one and only with IVF

OP posts:
doyouwantfrieswiththat · 12/05/2007 21:04

ditto brandnewhelsy

whomovedmychocolate · 12/05/2007 21:04

Oh you can never make your kids feel TOO loved.

mamazon · 12/05/2007 21:04

as long as you dont demand they return the sentiment ie get them to tell you they love you, then i dont think its a bad thing.

i try and say it at least twice a day, sometimes when its the most hard like when they are mid tantrum....it actually works to calm them downa sometimes as they thin i am barmeya nd their paddy isn't working.

ChocolateFace · 12/05/2007 21:08

You can never tell your DC's you love them too much! End of.

(Love your name TenaLady!)

Original poster
TenaLady · 12/05/2007 21:08

Thankyou

OP posts:
stressteddy · 12/05/2007 21:10

tell them as often as you want to - you are doing the right thing
Think how many children aren't ever told they are loved

It'll make you tell yours even more
Enjoy the moment

I tell mine all day every day

It can only make them secure and confident

A good thing I think
XX

clutteredup · 12/05/2007 21:11

i just read an article in this months prima all about how i love you are the hardest 3 words to say. not in our house, i say it to my dc countless times a day, dh and i say it to eachother a lot (even today - which has been a bad dh day!!) and as a result my dc say it to eachother and sometimes to friends ( much to the consternation of some of DS's 6 yo mates - he'll learn this one on his own!!) i also tell my DC that i love them even when I'm angry or get cross with them - and when we have rowed and ds has said he hates me I have always said - that's a shame, i love you. There is no way you can damage your dc by telling them you love them, brandnew you're right home is where they learn to love and see it is boundless and unconditional the only damage you can do is to tell a child you hate them - even if you apologised forever and a day they would remember it for the rest of their lives.

Original poster
TenaLady · 12/05/2007 21:13

Oh, I never bother with dh

OP posts:
ruty · 13/05/2007 10:05

i don't think telling your dcs you love them can make them over confident. I don't think you can be over confident. you can be selfish and spoilt and arrogant, but those are entirely different things, and don't come from being told you're loved.

WideWebWitch · 13/05/2007 10:07

Of course not, there's nothing wrong with telling your children you love them, I tell mine this loads

edam · 13/05/2007 10:11

Agree with WWW. Although I suppose if one was the sort of parent who was always critical and aggressive, basically hostile, saying 'I love you' wouldn't make up for that (thinking of what some posters have said about their own relationships with their parents).

NappiesGalore · 13/05/2007 10:11

i do it all the time. and i ask for cuddles and kisses all the time too... im an opportunist me. theyll start refusing before you know it (nooooooooo!) ds2 already does sometimes (poor little buggers looks kind of hassled and says 'no mama, im busy!'
lol

NappiesGalore · 13/05/2007 10:16

as an older child, i do remember my mum saying i love you alot... but it felt like she said it to make upo for being angry and horrible... shed shout and go off on one and then follow it up by saying i love you. oh, thats alright then, i thought. not.
remember wanting to throw it back at her and tell her to keep her f'ing love if thats what it was like... but i was prob just being a toubled teenager by then...
i do worry about 'using' i love you in that way tho. try v hard not to say it immediately following Being Stern about something.

i fecking LOVE hearing one of my dc call happily across the garden 'hi mama, i love you !'

JARM · 13/05/2007 10:17

I do it all the time too - with the DD's and DH.

Jessi has just started at 2.9yrs to say out fo the blue "I love you Mummy" and it melts my heart.

I think as long as a child knows they are loved, and cared for, it doesnt matter what else they may be deprived of in the future.

Some kids NEVER get told they are loved.

JARM · 13/05/2007 10:19

and also, I was never (that i can recall) told "i love you" by my mum or dad.... dad has done it a lot more now (since having my girls and my mum dying)

The first time I heard my brother tell me he loved me was the night my mum died.

mrsflowerpot · 13/05/2007 10:20

I tell mine all the time. DS is just getting to the 'oh mum gerrofff!' stage but I will keep telling him.

It's not something I could ever imagining rationing tbh.

sweetkitty · 13/05/2007 10:32

no you can never tell them you love them enough, I also am always praising them and telling them they are clever, beautiful etc

my mother never praised me to my face (still doesn't) or told me she loved me, it has really affected me especially growing up I have very low self esteem and confidence issues partially to do with this (have have therapy and this brought it all out) I will never make the same mistake with the DDs.

katelyle · 13/05/2007 10:39

You can't say it too often - but I think as they get older you need to be a bit careful about where and in whose hearing you say it. I know that dd, now 11 would prefer a brisk kiss on the cheek and a "see you later" if she's with some of her friends. At home she's still as cuddly and loving as ever, thought. I also think you need to be a bit careful about asking them for displays of affection - you can offer them as much as you want, but it's important not to get upset if they are not in the mood sometimes. And it is possible for an element of emotional blackmail to creep in if you're not careful. JMHI though. Actually, I am so soppy with mine that they have invented a catchphrase. Whe they see me getting misty eyed and obviously about to say something wet, they exchange glances then stand in front of me shouting "STOP THE SOP! STOP THE SOP! STOP THE SOP!"

NappiesGalore · 13/05/2007 18:16

my mum did praise me and did say it alot and i still had/have self esteem issues!

NappiesGalore · 13/05/2007 18:18

lol at stop the sop

yore right tho. must be careful not to 'use' the words...

LunarSea · 13/05/2007 19:18

I tell min a lot - bacause I can never remember either of my parents ever saying it to me