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Original poster

I just really need to come and sob about my baby sis

67 replies

ThomCat · 02/05/2007 20:16

There's fuck all anyone can do or say, I have no idea why I'm posting really other than sitting staring into space and crying my eyes out hasn't helped and writing in into a word document for no-one to see at all feels odder than this so here i am.

My sisters OCD is the worst it's ever been.
She is refusing food now. She looks so pale and so thin and so strianed and worried and tense. She doesn't really speak. I guess she eats tiny amounts but barely anything.

She was getting help and was on some new medication to help stop her ruminating so much so they could then start to address the OCD.

But on the way to an appt to see this doctor type she had an obsesive thought that she opened the passenger door and caused a car to swerve and they then crashed and died.

We've been advised not to talk to her in detail as it only makes it worse somehow. I tried to tell her it was impossible but it did no good anyway.

She's just so, so bad and it's just horrific and I feel so awful, I can't help , no-one can and I don't know what to do or what to say.

How will this ever end or get better?

She's 33. She's had ocd since she was a baby. Really bad since she was 13 and it's just worse and worse and now it's so bad I don't how she goes on.

She said to my mum she can't go on.

Sorry. Nothing you can say so don't feel you have to. I just need to say something, somewhre.

I just wrote her a letter telling her how much I love her etc and it didn't help so don't know why I thought this might.

OP posts:
marthamoo · 02/05/2007 20:50

I don't know what to say but I can't read and not post - it just sounds awful, TC, such a sad life, your poor sister. And so dreadful for you to all see her like that but not be able to 'reach' her to help her. It must be heart-breaking.

lionheart · 02/05/2007 20:51

How agonising it must be for everyone and your poor sister, Thomcat. Do you have people you can talk to? And does your sister?

She's is fortunate to have you.

Blu · 02/05/2007 20:53

It sounds a crueller than cruel condition TC - so sorry.
Your poor Mum. Poor all of you. It affects everyone, doesn't it?

choosyfloosy · 02/05/2007 20:53

Thomcat, I'm so sorry to hear that you are all in such distress. It sounds so horrible. Nothing to say to help, I wish there were.

Blandmum · 02/05/2007 20:55

Oh, so sorry Thomcat, poor gird, and poor you too

Loshad · 02/05/2007 20:56

thomcat, does she has a psychiatrist, or a mental health nurse who you could ask to call in. She sounds so desperate that I don't think it would be unreasonable to call the crisis team. Poor poor you, and your mum, and your sister ((()))

AitchTwoOh · 02/05/2007 20:56

oh your poor sister, something like that gets everyone in its grips, doesn't it? peace and love, teecee.

frumpygrumpy · 02/05/2007 20:58

Just sending you love. The letter will help it just won't outwardly help.

Keep going with it all, there must be something that will click. I'm a believer in there being something for everyone.....keep posting xxx.

WendyWeber · 02/05/2007 20:59

for her and your mum and you and everybody concerned TC, but most of all for your poor sis - if only she could get out of this and have a life, poor love.

FrannyandZooey · 02/05/2007 20:59

I'm terribly sorry to hear this. You obviously care for her so deeply - she is lucky to have you. How sad she has so little else that is good in her life.

MrsJohnCusack · 02/05/2007 21:03

THomCat, how dreadful
my DH has OCD (mainly focusing on obsessive thoughts rather than rituals), and although it has never got nearly as bad as your sister's (it has been pretty awful at times though, but he is much better now), I do know the awful feelings of frustration and helplessness you and your family must be feeling.
so lots of love x

electra · 02/05/2007 21:09

I'm sorry TC xx

Original poster
ThomCat · 02/05/2007 21:18

Thank you all so much for your posts, t's really so kind of you.

I've just been chatting to my very spitirual friend and asking her to do what she does in her healing meditation for my sister.

OCD really is worse than any disease i can think of tbh. If it was cancer she'd be in a hospital being given morphine for the pain and there would some sort of end to the pain.

I can't think of a single worse thign that the cruelty of OCD. She could live to 90 and never get better, she could always be trapped by it. What will happen to her when my mum and stepfather die? Will she live with me and my DD who has Down's syndrome? Blimey, I'm gonna need a big house, and what a mad old house it'll be! Sweet Jesus Do you think I'll look good grey? I'll go mad and it would seem that'll be tor the best anyway!

I guess we just have to sit and wait for this particular obsession to subside and then just live with the genral OCD ad hope one day she starts to not ruminate and obsess so much.

No-one kows sho she is withut OCD, it has had such a tight grip over her for so long that no-one knows the real her, not even her. Isn't that so sad. She's scared of letting go of the ocd I think, it's like some cruel comfort blanket in a way. Don't know if that makes sense to anyone else.

Anyway, don't feel you have to reply, I'm going to sign off in a bit anyway and have a bayh and try and .... dunno, not feel so sad I guess!

Thanks for your lovley messages, It is great to know that i cna come and hav a cry when I need to.

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 02/05/2007 21:20

may I be impertinent and ask whether your sis has ever had any in-patient treatment? just that my friend who had treatment resistant OCD (she didn't know at the time but she also had bi-polar, which meant that ADs sent her over the top) found an in-patient spell (at an annexe to the Maudsley hospital) very helpful.

cazzybabs · 02/05/2007 21:24

Your poor sister! You are such an amazing woman - pregnant, 2 small children and a bloody lovely sister!

BTW I am sure you would look fantastic grey!

Original poster
ThomCat · 02/05/2007 21:26

Not in-patient treatment no.
Was seen at the Maudsley for a bit but being sent home to sit on front of a cupboard of bleach didn't help a bit and no-one thee really seemed to know what to do to help her. No-one ever really has. People just seem to look at her and think 'ummmm, eerrrr, well let's try this for a bit and see what happens'. Also she has to want to get better and be strong enough to work at getting better but she's never been in that position. This latest 'specialist' wanted to control her ruminations and then begin to start to try and begin to unravel the OCD from her. But the drugs she gave her made her worse and then she got this last obsession and it's the worst she's ever been, and that really is saying something!

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 02/05/2007 21:29

oh dear, definitely sounds like the medication isn't agreeing with her.

Marina · 02/05/2007 21:29

TC, I don't know what to say she does at least have a sister in a million. What a horrible condition for you all to be living with XXX

Pruni · 02/05/2007 21:29

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ThomCat · 02/05/2007 21:31

ohh bless and thanks loads for that little boost, but i dn't feel amazing, I feel useless.

I just told the devil I'll trade him my soul for her freedom. Do you think he'll trade? Nothing's happened so far and it's been about half an hour at least!

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 02/05/2007 21:32

I'm so sorry TC. Did you watch the programme on OCD (and the Maudsley - think it was the Maudsley) that was on last year? It was excellent and did show some people being completely 'cured' of it (or at least, going into major remissions).

It is so so hard especially as she has got into a pattern of being that way - must be very hard for her to see a 'way out' now.

There are so many different drugs - I imagine it takes a long time to try each one and see what fits. I really hope they can find one that works and the counselling kicks in.

Original poster
ThomCat · 02/05/2007 21:33

You really are all such lovely people
Where are all the people who doubt the support of Mumsnet now aye??!!

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 02/05/2007 21:34

I also think TC (just from my experience with family members with mental illness i.e. I don't really know what I'm talking about ) that it appears to us that they can't find the will to get better where in fact, that is part and parcel of the illness. It's not necessarily that they don't want to - more than they can't.

foxinsocks · 02/05/2007 21:35

more that they can't (excuse poor typing!)

lionheart · 02/05/2007 21:39

I think that's right foxinsox. It just exhausts people.

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