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Original poster

I have just tipped four drawers of rubbish in the bin

40 replies

fairyfly · 22/07/2004 13:36

and i feel shitty and need to know it wasn't a stupid thing to do. I know they had love letters, poems, photos in but i haven't looked in them for a year. It was also full of old bills and basically crap. I started to go through it and realised i would spend the entire day reminiscing and maudling. Should i have kept these things to show my kids, will i regret not having any of the gorgeous letters i recieved. Please help me justify my actions. Shouldn't i have kept keepsakes to show my kids there father did love me once, god i rambling, help!!!!!!!

OP posts:
misdee · 22/07/2004 13:38

i am about to the do the same. kicthen drawers here i come!!

misdee · 22/07/2004 13:39

maybe fish out one or two pics and one letter to keep for the kids? do it lucky dip style.

wobblyknicks · 22/07/2004 13:40

ff - just take a deep breath and let it all go. You obviously weren't desperate to keep the stuff, subconsciously, so just let it go. There's hundreds of things that could happen to destroy your old letters etc, at least this is your choice to get rid of them. I've got all the old letters and cards from my ex-h and as soon as the divorce is through I'm going to have a ritual throwing-away of all of them. I don't think it makes any difference to kids, because it doesn't change whether their parents love them or not, and the past is just the past, it doesn't change the present.

ijewels · 22/07/2004 13:40

You are so brave, i hate it when it's time to delete old texts on my mobile ...and get so sentimental about some of them i have to move them to my archive!!!

mummytosteven · 22/07/2004 13:41

yeah I agree with misdee - keep a few mementos in case you/the kids want to look back, especially photos

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 13:41

The drawers were rather large, i just kept picking up birthday cards etc. i'll be out in the bins tonight i bet, crying like an unhinged lunatic. Good luck with your kitchen drawers.

OP posts:
GeorginaA · 22/07/2004 13:41

I don't think it was a stupid thing to do. I wish I could be better at clearing out more junk that I never look at from one year to the next. Especially if it's stuff that's emotionally painful to look at.

My mother taught me to be a hoarder and I hate it. By having good clearouts you're helping your kids feel like they have "permission" to get rid of stuff they no longer need too and have less reliance on "stuff".

So what are you going to do with all those lovely empty drawers?

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 13:44

i keep everything, but it was getting a bit ridiculous and actually effecting my life and draining on my energy. I am not ready to read old things so it was the only way. The poems he wrote for me have been published so i suppose i will always have copies of those.

OP posts:
TurnAgainCat · 22/07/2004 13:45

When I was pregnant, I put all the love letters, an old shirt and other items which I still had of his (God, how sentimental I was), the best framed photos of the two of us, etc into a sealed box which I left in my parents' house. I have not even thought of this in the intervening years, until I read your message, but I wanted ds to have them when he grows up. The other photos of xp are just in the albums in date order, with photos of all kinds of friends, and holidays, and about once a year ds asks to see them. Is anything perishable in the rubbish bag? How about just keeping the whole bag at a friend's place and let the kids fish through it when they grow up?

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 13:47

The drawers are going to the tip, i want a tidy house that is easy to clean. I'm not going to stop there, kids will be crying later. I've even pulled out the oven fridge and freezer today to bleach under it. I've not been like this since i was pregnant.
Will i regret it? Memories are in the heart aren't they? All they were serving was proof he loved me and he doesn't anymore so it doesn't really matter

OP posts:
ijewels · 22/07/2004 13:47

I was going to suggest that tac, just seal the bag/box and put it far far away, and let the kids discover it when they're ready ( or not, it's up to you)

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 13:49

Shit, i do need to keep these things then, i'll drag the bin bags in later, this is sending me mental, no wonder i was putting it off

OP posts:
TurnAgainCat · 22/07/2004 13:51

You definitely do not need to keep any physical objects in this life! It actually does not matter one way or the other, does it? It is the last thing a child would ever blame its mother for, surely, when no doubt they will be blaming us for f*ing them up in all kinds of more profound ways as teenagers ?

Fio2 · 22/07/2004 13:55

I think you should chuck them away if thats what you want to do

i would

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 13:58

I keep changing my mind here, i feel as if i am holding on to the past if i don't throw them. I will carry boxes around from house to house of things gone by, they both have a box each of keepsakes. Just nothing about there parents relationship. If
i'm not careful it will turn into a museum. The letters only say he will never leave me and will love me forever and i am his only one, so they are a load of crap anyhow.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 22/07/2004 14:00

they might actually upset the boys more if they read them and see how fickle he is. Oh I dont know what to suggest.......as usual

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 14:01

Argghhhhh

OP posts:
Fio2 · 22/07/2004 14:01

sorry

misdee · 22/07/2004 14:01

then just chuck them. forget my idea of a lucky dip. if the kids already have keep sake boxes then thats enough. when they are older they will relaise that once you did love each other, otherwise how did u have kids together?

best of luck.

Fio2 · 22/07/2004 14:02

personally I would chuck them................

wobblyknicks · 22/07/2004 14:06

FF - bite the bullet and let the whole lot go. The only thing that really matters is whether your ex loves your kids when they're older, if he does then no amount of letters will change that, and if he doesn't, the letters won't redeem him. All that stuff is obviously holding you down by keeping it, so IMO you should let the whole lot go and use it as time to move on.

noddy5 · 22/07/2004 14:07

throw them we did something similar and it felt great!!!!!

mummytosteven · 22/07/2004 14:11

agree again with misdee - didn't realise you had separate stuff for the boys anyway - so leave the stuff in the bin

Original poster
fairyfly · 22/07/2004 14:12

Yes and i'm sure when you get rid of the old you make space for new, and welcome a brand new life without dead wood holding you down. Or something.
The feng shui master will respect me i'm sure. I don't feel great though i feel shit. But i bet i will feel great tomorrow when i wake up with less clutter and my house looks tidy.
But but but, would anyone who has grown up just with there mum like to see stuff like that now, would it be of interest?

OP posts:
Fio2 · 22/07/2004 14:14

no, not to me. I find all a bit

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