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Original poster

Concerned for wellbeing of a child

40 replies

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 21/03/2007 20:42

I was back in my old village this weekend and there was a woman in the pub with her 2 children. Nothing unusual, necessarily, but she was still there at midnight in the bar - they are aged about 7 and 9. On christmas eve 2005 I was in the same pub and she was there with them then. We left at about 11.30 and they were still in the bar. My mum said she was in there last Weds and they were there then. Mum & Dad left at 10.30pm (school night) and she was still in the bar with them.

I talked to my friends about it and they said she is in there every single night with them. She is often there at 5.30 when the pub opens and gives them £2 to buy shit from behind the bar in lieu of a dinner, but refuses to ever buy them a drink. They are occasionally allowed a glass of (free) tap water and I know the little girl had cystitis (My friend told me that the girl was on at her mum to go home once, because she needed to take her medicine, but her mum told her to f** off, they would be going soon enough).

It saddens me because the poor little girl sat on a chair all saturday night rubbing her eyes and yawning whilst her mum lit up one fag after another and sank her pints, laughing with her mates. It's sad because she lost her husband when the girl was a baby, but it's even sadder that the poor children are subjected to this every single night and it really upset me - I felt like I wanted to take them home with me. I would never want to report her, because I would be terrified the family was split up and the children look generally well-cared-for (The mother's aunt lives in the village and is lovely - she often looks after the children at weekends and during the day) but I want to know how this woman could be made to face up to her responsibility to her Dcs. The pub landlord annoys me for not doing anything about it; I think it is really his responsibility to say something, but nobody ever does. They all talk about it amongst themselves, but don't say anything to the mother. I don't know her to talk to, and she's a bit of a hard case to approach, but is there anything that can be done?

OP posts:
Gingememorechocolateeggs · 21/03/2007 20:46

The landlord wont say anything while shes spending money in his pub
Cant you ring the social services or Childline anonamously? (thats not spelt right but you know what I mean).

missingsleep · 21/03/2007 20:48

That's a really tricky one. Would it be possible to ring social services not mentioning names or places and ask for advice? They may be able to tell you what they would do in that situation. I imagine taking away the kids would be the last option, they would probably offer help and family support first. If that was the case maybe you wouldn't feel so bad reporting her?

missingsleep · 21/03/2007 20:49

Sorry crossed threads with chocolateeggs

BigmummaL · 21/03/2007 20:54

Feel really upset reading that, makes me so sad how some children are treated. I remember a time when I was at a dance festival and there was a little girl of about 2, subjected to pumping techno late at night and lots of people out of their heads, made me feel quite sick. I would report it anonymously.

Sugarmagnolia · 21/03/2007 21:27

Don't ring Childline, they are there to talk to children. They will talk to you but at the end of the day they will probably give you the same advice as chocolateeggs and missingsleep - ring social services anonymously and get some advice. You don't have to give the name of the person you're phoning about and then you can decide what to do based on what they say.

This is sounds to me like a really, really bad situation - it's no way for children to be treated. It is definitely a child welfare situation - if not actual abuse then definitely neglect. Seriously, it's bad.

PeachyClair · 21/03/2007 21:32

Oh poor kids

If you call the NSPCC they will discuss everything properly with you and really talk to you about what can be done- even before you give details if that's what you want (I was unsure whether to report a friend and did this), I would recommend that as a route to go down.

She sounds like she has some curable problems (possibly)- maybe alcoholism dependency linked to depression linked to bereavement (at a guess)? If so, you're doing this family a REAL favour getting them help whilst Mum may be able to recover and keep her family together. Look on it that way.

PeachyClair · 21/03/2007 21:33

Oh and neglect IS abuse- this applies over the food, sleep, but the medication counts as quite serious physical abuse as well. There's no question whther this is abusive

NotanOtter · 21/03/2007 21:36

childline is there for everyone

do ring them or the nspcc PLEASE this is no life for these bairns and you can help

concernedaboutmysister · 21/03/2007 21:37

Oh dear Those poor kids. Imagine trying to get up for school in the morning after sitting in a smoky oub night after night I wonder if their school work soffers as a result.

The bit about the girl rubbing her eyes made me fill up. The poor children. Their family won't be split up.. but hopefully someone will have a word & she will curb her drinking & get her kids the routine a child needs.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Sugarmagnolia · 21/03/2007 21:40

Notanotter - actually Childline is there for children and young people. If an adult phones them of course they will talk to them and do their best to offer some advice. But it's not really what they are about. Basically they will say that as a responsible adult you should take some action - ie phoning social services, although the NSPCC would be another option.

NotanOtter · 21/03/2007 21:42

maybe i am muddling it up with nspcc who i have phoned and were fabulous

sorry magnolia

Sugarmagnolia · 21/03/2007 21:46

That's ok - Childline and NSPCC are linked - in fact now part of the same organisation - and both are concerned with the welfare of children, but Childline specifically is there for the purpose of talking to children. They will never hang up on an adult who phones but will usually point them in the direction of another, more suitable, service.

Sorry - didn't mean to sound argumentative there.

NotanOtter · 21/03/2007 21:47

thats fine - these things matter - need to preserve these precious agencies for those in need

luciemule · 21/03/2007 21:47

Please don't worry about the family/children being split up as that will really be the last resort. My parents had a family living next door to them with 3 boys and it took approximately 13 years in total for social services to finally foster the boys out to other families (2 stayed together and 1 went on his own but he was 16 by then). Their father hit them, left them home alone,never washed them, was an alcoholic and let under aged youths use his house for 'relationships'. My parents reported him time and time again and the social did very little and said they were monitoring the situation. Eventually they realised and tried to give the father a break (the mother ran off a few years before and left the boys with him) tried sending him to a detox unit for his alcohol problem. Finally as a last resort theytook them to foster homes and he was glad!
So I really wouldn't worry - it just looks like that woman needs help after losing her husband and they would be able to help her and then her children.

Sugarmagnolia · 21/03/2007 21:51

Also, if this is how she treats them in public it has to make you wonder what things are like at home. It could be an awful lot worse than you even know.

Original poster
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 21/03/2007 22:04

Thanks for all your advice.

I have just spoken to my sister who lives in the village, and she was in the pub tonight having something to eat and, lo and behold, the woman was in there with her children (still there when sis left at 9.30pm). My friend will not go in the pub any more because of the situation as she finds it too upsetting and is frustrated at not being able to do anything about it.

I, on the other hand, do not live in the village (I live 250 miles away, now) and I will call the NSPCC about it tomorrow. Thanks all of you for helping me to realise that this is the only course of action.

OP posts:
PeachyClair · 21/03/2007 22:05

to you, and well done.

Gingememorechocolateeggs · 21/03/2007 22:11

Good luck. Please keep us posted?

Rodeo · 21/03/2007 22:18

How sad Poor kids. You will be doing the right think tomorrow

WotzsanEgg · 21/03/2007 22:28

Those poor kids. The landlord and her drink buddies should be ashamed of themselves. They are only young children, and if this has been going on for that long, well its too sad for words. I expect they have to get themselves sorted out in the morning for school. This is too upsetting.

Hathor · 21/03/2007 22:32

I am so glad you are doing this. Many people just turn a blind eye, or are too afraid to speak up.

Sugarmagnolia · 22/03/2007 07:11

you are doing the right thing.

BigmummaL · 22/03/2007 13:06

Good for you, you have done the right thing, keep us posted.

OrmIrian · 22/03/2007 13:09

Could you also ring the brewery that runs the pub? And ask them their policy of allowing minors into their premises. As far as I know a child shouldn't be in a bar - kids only allowed in pubs if they are eating and away from the bar area. It could then come from the brewery via the landlord.

EdieMcredie · 22/03/2007 13:10

This is abuse and neglect. You must ring child services (social services is now split into adult and child services). You do not have to give your name. I cannot put more of a point on this, it is abuse and needs to be reported.