Concerned for wellbeing of a child

[GrumpyOldHorsewoman]

I was back in my old village this weekend and there was a woman in the pub with her 2 children. Nothing unusual, necessarily, but she was still there at midnight in the bar - they are aged about 7 and 9. On christmas eve 2005 I was in the same pub and she was there with them then. We left at about 11.30 and they were still in the bar. My mum said she was in there last Weds and they were there then. Mum & Dad left at 10.30pm (school night) and she was still in the bar with them.

I talked to my friends about it and they said she is in there every single night with them. She is often there at 5.30 when the pub opens and gives them £2 to buy shit from behind the bar in lieu of a dinner, but refuses to ever buy them a drink. They are occasionally allowed a glass of (free) tap water and I know the little girl had cystitis (My friend told me that the girl was on at her mum to go home once, because she needed to take her medicine, but her mum told her to f** off, they would be going soon enough).

It saddens me because the poor little girl sat on a chair all saturday night rubbing her eyes and yawning whilst her mum lit up one fag after another and sank her pints, laughing with her mates. It's sad because she lost her husband when the girl was a baby, but it's even sadder that the poor children are subjected to this every single night and it really upset me - I felt like I wanted to take them home with me. I would never want to report her, because I would be terrified the family was split up and the children look generally well-cared-for (The mother's aunt lives in the village and is lovely - she often looks after the children at weekends and during the day) but I want to know how this woman could be made to face up to her responsibility to her Dcs. The pub landlord annoys me for not doing anything about it; I think it is really his responsibility to say something, but nobody ever does. They all talk about it amongst themselves, but don't say anything to the mother. I don't know her to talk to, and she's a bit of a hard case to approach, but is there anything that can be done?

Please, child services are the ones you need to ring.

Well done. Just a thought - Is the pub owned by a brewery? Maybe a call to the company could cause action, with just a fairly anonymous phone call. Could say a number of customers are unhappy and worried about the situation.

sorry, posts crossed. And I agree, phone social services.

I think if you just get them barred from the pub, that won't get to the root of the problem.

Social Services need to be involved here. Be brave and ring them.

Just to update you.

I rang the NSPCC today and they were really helpful. They have given me the phone number for Social Services in the local area and have advised me to call them. They said they will probably be offered family support, and it is obvious that they need it. The children aren't in immediate danger - as I said they look well-enough cared for and there are many locals (in the pub) who are fond of them and look out for them- but the mother obviously needs help as she does not seem to be coping with family responsibilities and the fact she herself is in the pub every night is cause enough for concern. I will have to ring Social Services tomorrow as it was too late this evening, but I will let you know what happens. Thanks again.

BTW, to answer the poster who asked if this was a brewery pub, yes, it is. I had considered ringing the brewery, but didn't think that would give the family the help they need. There is a sign that says children under 14 are not allowed in the bar area, but not only are they in the bar area, they are often at the bar itself. The landlord is gutless. What is the point of a notice that nobody pays any attention to? The previous landlords would have let her know in no uncertain terms where the land lay. Shame they are not there any more.

Excelent

Well done- great you called.

It occurred to me last night- family support probably will be enough, if she didn't care about them she'd just leave them at home- far easier after all! Shows there's still some bonds there, and that's all it takes.

I wouldn't call the Brewery, Landlord could well lose his job. Now, I kinda think he deserves to TBH for allowing them in the bar- but I don't know if he has a family relying on him to provide. No point making more misery.

The Landlord is a single man running the pub with his sister. He's nice enough, but a bit wet. I had already decided not to call the brewery, but my Dad is going to have a word with him about it, as Dad used to own a pub, and can offer him advice 'Publican to publican' and make him realise just how serious it is.

Grumpy - you said yesterday ''i would never want to report her i would be terrified the family would be split up '' - so what changed. it would have been better if someone had spoken to her first - she must have some friends in the pub.

mysonsmummy, I actually feel Grumpy did exactly the right thing. If someone had spoken to her, chances are she'd have run to the next pub insread to avoid them all, no change fopr the kids. Family support works and means she (and the kids) are on their radar. Its pretty hard to split a family up- \i have recommended it in the pat for clients and it still has taken years (much to the detriment of these individual childrem, imo), so in this case I dont think anything drastic will happen at all.

Oh and the cystitis needs watching- I got it so bad I sustained kidney damage.

Good for you, you did the right thing, definitely.

The local Police station should be contacted and the licensing offeicer spoken to as he is clearly breaching his licenc.
Minor compared to what is happening to those poor children.
I am spitting mad that this has gone on for two years and NO ONE has done anything about it until now. Disgraceful.
If you contact social services give your details as they are far more likely to act on the information, they don't always act so fast on anonymous info as it can sometimes be malicious.
They will be discreet with your details, but in cases like thisi you hve to stick your neck out i am afraid.
Well done for all that you have done so far, shame that no one else in the village has ahd the guts to do likewise.

Thanks for all of your support - it helps to know this is the right course of action. I will give my name to social services as I have heard that it makes a difference if people can be identified. I am not worried about it anyway, I think most people feel as I do but it is harder for them to stick their necks out whilst living in the same village. I am very re-assured that no drastic measures will be taken with the children and it is very much more a case that they will hopefully get the help they need; not just the children but the mother, too. She has lost a husband after all, and is evidently not coping well.

This has been on my mind and I have been checking to see more info. Thanks for coming back and please tell us what response you get.