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Original poster

i did a really stupid thing yesterday ....

45 replies

nappyaddict · 21/03/2007 16:06

some of you may know the relationship between my mum's partner and i is pretty volatile. anyway yesterday we had an arguement and he came right in my face. he is much bigger than i am so i put my hands out to get him away from me. he pushed me back and obviously as he is a lot stronger i want flying. then when i got up he grabbed my jumper and dragged me through the house to the front door saying to get out and pack my bags. i do not know how but i managed to get free. i was really scared so i called the police. i didn't think they would arrest him i just thought they would come and calm everything down and now i feel really bad. what's worse is now social services are involved cos ds was in the room at the time and i'm really scared. i don't even know why i rang the police i just panicked and then straight away wished i hadn't but they said once i'd rang they had to come.

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 21/03/2007 16:07

I don't know the history, but violence around a child isn't on... if there is history as well is this really a bad thing?

DANCESwithaTruckLoadOfMiniEggs · 21/03/2007 16:08

OMG...I'm not surprised you did. He's a bully. I don't know your history, have you got anywhere else to go?

Iklboo · 21/03/2007 16:08

Don't feel bad. It's abot time this bully got a comeuppance. He is NOT allowed to treat you, or anyone else, violently. And certainly not if your DS was in the room.
WTF is your mum doing letting him treat you like this? Is he violent to her?
Personally I'd sneak in his room and night and smack his nengies between two very heavy hardback books
What a twucking funt!

fireflyfairy2 · 21/03/2007 16:08

It wasn't a stupid thing.

Where was your mum?

I for one am glad you called the police Well done

DaffodilsforeasterFlower3554 · 21/03/2007 16:10

Thats awful. You did the right thing IMO. How dare he lay a finger on you. Thats assault in my book. Are you ok.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 21/03/2007 16:20

my mum was upstairs. me and my mum had had an arguement previously. he came in and she was telling him the tale, but blaming it more on me when in actual face it had been pretty equal. i shouted up saying she was lying and that i hadn't started it. he said to shut up, so i said stop interefering and called him a twat and an arsehole.

i went back in the kitchen to give ds his lunch and he came storming down the stairs.

we argue a lot, but he's never laid a finger on me before and i don't think he'd ever hurt my mum.

the thing is the police seemed to be siding him with him. calling me a bad mum for pushing him away with ds in the room and because when i opened the door to them he tried to get to it first so i shouted at him to go away, he called me a bitch so i said don't call me a bitch. they seemed to think i'd rung them just to get my own back on him.

i was quite angry cos the woman who said it doesn't even have kids so how can she tell me how to be a mum!

OP posts:
slug · 21/03/2007 16:44

Did the police actually call you a 'bad mum'? If they did, I'd be complaining to the top coppers and demanding an apology.

Were you just supposed to stand still and allow your son watch you being assulted and abused?

Caligula · 21/03/2007 16:57

You didn't do a stupid thing, he committed a criminal assault and you reported it. What's stupid about that?

Make an official complaint about the police's attitude - they are supposed to take complaints of domestic violence seriously.

Even if you did call them "just to get your own back" you are legally within your rights to do so. The tosser assaulted you FGS, even the effing plods should have recognised that.

fireflyfairy2 · 21/03/2007 21:20

Just remind me, do you live with your mum & her partner? If you do I'd be looking for a new place asap. Do you have a partner? If so, what does he have to say about all this?

totaleclipse · 21/03/2007 21:24

Do you live in the same house? if so, its very likely the social services will help rehouse you, they wil be on your side, try not to worry.

talcyone · 21/03/2007 21:26

That's not stupid
Sounds like you had no choice
Hope you have plenty of support around you
Good for you for calling police
I'm with slug re. complaining
Hope you are ok

totaleclipse · 21/03/2007 21:29

And ignore that copper, you probably disturbed he lunch or something, just remeber you are the victim.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 21/03/2007 23:26

they said i needed to grow up and start acting like a responsible mother. i suppose i don't know what my mum and her bf told them though as we all had to be spoken to spearately. i didn't think they were supposed to take sides though!

yes i live at my mums house. he doesn't actually live here although he never seems to leave so he might aswell do.

apparently the police asked my mum if she wanted me removed from the house and told her the baby would stay with my mum until social services if he could come and live with me - WTF?!

luckily she said no!

OP posts:
sandcastles · 21/03/2007 23:43

So, basically...

YOU were assulted in front of your Ds by a male who is much bigger than you
YOU tried to defend yourself by pushing him away (what were you meant to do? Let him hit you, or worse?)
YOU called the policewho said you need to grow up & learn to be a good mum?

While your mum let this beast assult you without helping you or your ds? She needs to get her priorities sorted, if you ask me.

That's all bollox! If somebody did that to my dd they would be out that very minute! Not necc alive/in one peace, either!

No wonder women won't report domestic violence/rape!

colditz · 21/03/2007 23:51

i thibnk you would do quite well to call the SS yourself and tell them you need some help to get out of the house and away from the man your mum keeps letting in. Ignore the police. They can be very mysoganistic when is comes to young single mothers, and you sound like you need some support.

put a complaint in about the police on this occasion. Their treatment of you was extremely poor.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 22/03/2007 00:12

they made me feel like i had wasted their time. if it was to happen again i would definitely think twice before ringing.

my mum wasn't actually in the room, she was upstairs.

part of me thinks i shouldn't have pushed him away, cos it looked like i started it.

OP posts:
AitchYouBerk · 22/03/2007 00:18

oh dear, nappyaddict, that's awful. they've got no right to make you feel like that. bastards.

can you phone their superior in the morning to complain? and i agree about throwing yourself on the mercy of the SS, you shouldn't have to live with the aggression.

colditz · 22/03/2007 08:42

actually, call women's aid.

they are VERY good.

Original poster
nappyaddict · 22/03/2007 08:49

i would complain, but i don't know the name of the woman who said it.

i just feel really silly cos it wasn't like he actually hit me or anything and that i over-reacted.

i don't think it would happen again - he was as shocked as i was that i had called the police.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 22/03/2007 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sandcastles · 22/03/2007 09:04

They will have a record of who was sent to see you, so they should be able to find out who it was who said it.

I think you did nothing wrong in pushing him...it is what any woman would do in the heat iof the moment, surely it's a classic defence mechanism?

beegee · 22/03/2007 09:07

He was using physically force and intimidating you - that's assult. No wonder you swore at him. It's hard to remain calm and monitored in those situations so there's no way I'd judge you for that.

Please in calm moments think what's best for you and your son. You need support and understanding, it seems to me.

I would move out if you can. I need to feel comfortable and free of fear like that.

Good luck

themildmanneredjanitor · 22/03/2007 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sandcastles · 22/03/2007 09:13

So, her swearing makes the assult OK?

I don't think so, angry words never make violence OK.

Twiglett · 22/03/2007 09:20

it might not be seen as assault .. it might be seen as self-defence because she pushed him first .. and it is one person's word against anothers (or in this case 2 people's word including NA's mother against her)

it sounds like you all behaved badly to me and that you might be best getting out of there ASAP