i did a really stupid thing yesterday ....

[nappyaddict]

some of you may know the relationship between my mum's partner and i is pretty volatile. anyway yesterday we had an arguement and he came right in my face. he is much bigger than i am so i put my hands out to get him away from me. he pushed me back and obviously as he is a lot stronger i want flying. then when i got up he grabbed my jumper and dragged me through the house to the front door saying to get out and pack my bags. i do not know how but i managed to get free. i was really scared so i called the police. i didn't think they would arrest him i just thought they would come and calm everything down and now i feel really bad. what's worse is now social services are involved cos ds was in the room at the time and i'm really scared. i don't even know why i rang the police i just panicked and then straight away wished i hadn't but they said once i'd rang they had to come.

she PUSHED him

he called me a bitch so i said something nasty back. i know 2 wrongs don't make a right and i wish i hadn't retaliated now and we wouldn't be in this sorry mess. however i wouldn't usually swear in front of ds - he wasn't in the room.

i don't know if it would be classed as pushing him. i put my hands out but stepped back at the same time. my hands did come into contact with him but there wasn't exactly any force in it.

I dont think you are in the wrong he sounds like a mean bully and you put your hands up to protect youself from him.If you can I would try to get yourself and your ds somewhere else to live if possible.

"the point i'm trying to make is that this is not an atmosphere conducive to children's welfare"

I agree with this. I think you need to assess your living arrangements for the sake of your child.

if i could leave i would. i hate it here and i don't think it's helping with my state of mind. i have been feeling down for a long time and would love to get out but i have nowhere else to go. i don't have to give my mum much for us to live there and i couldn't afford the rent on the cheapest, tiniest flat in the area. i can't claim housing benefit because i have already put in an application for it for when we move to cardiff and obviously you can't have it twice.

Apologies for stating the obvious but
Thats a real bummer.
Maybe over analysing the situation isn't helping you at this point
Try concentrate on a positive way out
You and your son
Contacting gp,homestart,ss etc might be a good start.
In the meantime.....
'keep your head down'!
Lots of luck[smile

do you have any housing benefit claims actually being paid atm?

if not then i cant see why you cant apply for it now.

i didnt think you could apply in advance for somewhere you were not yet living

it's worth asking tho

i would love to be able to leave but there is no way i could afford the rent on the cheapest places around here and i have already applied for housing benenfit for when we move in september to cardiff. am guessing you can't apply for 2 different addresses!!

i hate it here and i am sure it is not good for me and how down i've been feeling lately.

you can apply as soon as you have signed the papers to move in. you just won't get any payments until you actually live there. sorry i reposted the same thing i forgot that i had already said that. the phone rang and i got distracted.

right so its not necessarily a bad thing that social services have been involved?they could essentially help me? i'm petrified they are going to think i am not a fit mother and ds will get taken away from me.

Show willing nappies,
Tell them you really need their help.
Tell them that it's making you depressed.

You are 18 yes?
I hope i don't sound patronising but
that is so young to be coping with all the pressure.
Ask for help
You will find a way out eventually
You and your son are a unit
and must be your priority

no one is going to think you are an unfit mother. Just from your postings on mumsnet it's obvious you are a great mum. keep your chin up

Nappyaddict, so sorry to hear you a having a hard time.You always come across to me as having your head squarely on your shoulders for an 18 year old and as a loving and devoted mum. What the DSS will see is someone putting the safety of their child first. Living with this bully of a man is definitely going to be detrimental to you and your ds wellbeing. I don't really understand why your mum allows this man to treat you like this. You should be her priority.
Anyway, as others have said do explore ways of moving out with the dss and housing associations. Don't assume that they can't help you for whatever reason. I have no specific experience of that but think you mustn't give in. Go out today for fresh air, see if you can get some appointments with someone from the DSS. Just making the first moves and enquiries might make you feel like things will change for the better.
Good Luck to you.

yes i think i will ring them. i don't see why i couldn't get the housing benefit for now, then when i move to cardiff in the autumn for it to be transferred?people do move house after all!i guess i will have to withdraw the one for cardiff though if i do that and i really don't want to be stuck come september. i'll see what they have to say anyway. i was told they pay 80% by a friend but that could be wrong. if so i could afford one. just looked on rightmove and theres 1 property going for £575 a month which isn't as bad as i thought. the other 1 that was more suitable wouldn't accept DSS.

Sending you virtual good vibes and support

NA
Just seen this, so sorry to hear what has been going on.
Just want to let you know that I live close to Cardiff, so if you need some time away, let me know!

Email is
jopowell1 at yahoo dot co dot uk