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Original poster

F**king childs mother!!!!!!

31 replies

woodpops · 05/07/2004 13:42

Sorry about the strong language but I feel very strongly about this one. I posted a thread yesterday about my ds being a little gem and not retaliating when a brat at nursery bit him. That flamining brats mother has today told me my ds hit her ds yesterday and that her ds has a big bump on his head. When I spoke to nursery about it they said that this womans ds had a go at my ds and when they told her ds off he threw hismself on the floor and banged his head in temper. She said this very loudly in fornt of other parents and then mentioned about the time my ds biting hers. I was then stopped by a parent in the car park about my son biting. He did it once and he only did it because her ds had bitten my dd. Bless him he was sticking up for his sister but he did get punished because biting is one thing I really can't tollerate. I've phoned the nursery manager this morning and had a word with her but other than that what can I do?? For some reason her brat is singleing my ds out. Most days my ds is telling me this kid has hit him, pushed him etc. What else can I do????

OP posts:
Janh · 05/07/2004 13:50

How about telling her, very loudly, in front of others, that in fact her DS is picking on yours, and that nursery is aware of this and is keeping a close eye on him?

(I hope nursery is keeping a close eye on him btw because they certainly should be!)

Don't blame you at all for swearing. Hope it gets sorted.

sponge · 05/07/2004 13:51

You need to get the nursery to talk to the other mother and make her understand that her child is bullying, that it isn't acceptable and that she needs to speak to him about it.
In the meantime they need to keep a close eye on things and keep this child and your ds apart as much as possible.
Now that you're sure of your facts don't let her mouth off in public about you and your kids - put her straight right away.
It sounds like her ds is behaving badly because she doesn't care - perhaps he is trying to get attention from her - so it's her that needs to sort herself out.
We had a similar problem at our nursey with one little girl bullying one of my dd's friends. Turned out that it was because her mother (single parent) had been going out a lot, the kids had been left with a succession of different babysitters and overnight stays and the little girl was feeling very insecure and taking it out on dd's friend.
The situation has now resolved itself but only once our friend forced the nursery to talk to the other mother.

twiglett · 05/07/2004 14:00

message withdrawn

Poppy1978 · 05/07/2004 14:05

My dd had the same trouble at a playgroup, so I know exactly how you feel. The mother never paid any attention to her little bully, and the staff were unwilling to get involved.
I had to keep dd off for a few sessions, until the little bully had forgotten to pick on her, and dd had forgotten him (as she was getting rather nervous of him) then the situation settled.
It wasn't fair on dd, but it did sort the situation

codswallop · 05/07/2004 14:25

Nusery should be more discreet

ours have never tols us who the perpetrator was.

leave it t ot hema nd refuse to engage in conversation about it

Jimjams · 05/07/2004 14:28

Really not keen on calling children this young bullies- but the mother sounds a total nightmare.

Talk to the nursry and ask if the 2 boys can be separated. That's what our nursery does on the rare occasions that particular children always seem to get into fights. Also what they said they would have done if a particualr child had been singled out during my son's pinching phase (luckily no one child was).

Jimjams · 05/07/2004 14:29

Agree with coddy though. I asked nurseyr what I should do if I was approached by another parent during my son's pinching phase and they said I should tell them, refer the parent to them and they would deal with it.

littlemissbossy · 05/07/2004 14:32

Firstly I would ask the nursery manager to speak to the brats mother and clarify what actually went on yesterday! she owes you an apology,although I doubt very much that you'll get it. Secondly, I would have a summer party (any birthdays soon?) and invite all the mothers and children except the brat family - childish I know, but revenge is rather sweet

gothicmama · 05/07/2004 14:33

I have had a similar situ with dd I have spoken to the nursery I have tried appraoching the parents - in the end as dd was becoming withdrawn and not wanting to go to nursery dh (on his own) told her to fight back taught here how to push, punch , kick etc. this gave here some confidence in that he told her she could hit back . So far she hasn ot but she does say xxxx htried to hit me but I told him not to and xxx (staff) came over so mat=ybe this approach could work fo ryou I don ot agree with violence but in some cases it may be worth it to solve a problem with people who have different values - if someone said dd had hit their child I think i woyld be very rude to them esp, if I knew dd's version .

Slinky · 05/07/2004 14:59

I have to agree with Coddy and Jimjams here.

Firstly, the nursery should NOT be discussing any other child with you at all - highly unprofessional. They should discuss the incidents involving your child but NEVER identifying the other child involved. This would signal "bad practice" to me and would probably put me off a nursery.

Secondly, as Coddy says, you should avoid any slanging matches and enter conversations via the nursery (harder said than done I know!).

If the nursery are aware of the problems between the 2, then they should be making extra effort to keep them apart or at least making sure this other lad is being closely supervised and removing him before anything happens.

bunnyrabbit · 05/07/2004 15:26

Agree with slinky and the others on this.

Keep it 'professional' in front of other. eg. 'I know that another child has been singling my child out, and that the nursery are dealing with this but I believe it is best to let them deal with any situation such as this.'

I know it must be difficult, but try not to stoop to her level.

Alternatively get her by herself, deck the bitch and tell her to keep her and her brat of a son away from you and yours!!!

Sorry, don't know where that came from!! I think it's the protective mother thing coming out.

BR

codswallop · 05/07/2004 15:28

hey coddy feels all grown up!!{}

Original poster
woodpops · 05/07/2004 15:28

Littlemissbossy, great minds think alike. The party thing crossed my mind. Ds b'day in Aug!!!! THe nursery have been very good and don't ever give names but ds is at an age to tell you what's happening. Everytime ds has told me this kid has bitten him etc I've gone through the nursery + never mentioned it to the childs mother. But she on the other hand can't wait to tell me what's been going off. Nearly tripped over herself trying to get into nursery this morning to tell me a load of cr@p. She should get her flaming facts right first and not take everything her brat says as gospel. My ds told me this kid had bitten him on Mon + initially I didn't believe him. Thought he was just telling me about the time this kid bit my dd. Turns out ds was telling the truth. DS seems to manage himself quite well and just shouts no bite (push, whatever) that's naughty. But this mother seems to have it in her head my ds is the bully!!!!! [need a smiley for smoke coming out of ears!!!!]

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 05/07/2004 15:40

LOL at smiley with smoke coming out of ears - ask the mumsnet team to see if they can provide one. And make sure that the party's the best one in town

Original poster
woodpops · 05/07/2004 15:44

We'll have the best goodie bags ever. Stuff it might get t-shirts printed with ds birthday party on it + get all the kids to wear them to nursery the next day!!!!! How childish am I????

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 05/07/2004 15:47

GrinGrin

codswallop · 05/07/2004 15:48

Woodpops!

leave it

bunnyrabbit · 05/07/2004 15:58

You could have them printed with a group picture of all the kids that went...

oops sorry.

That would of course be a very childish and immature thing to do.

BR

oliveoil · 05/07/2004 16:02

There is a little boy at the babygroup I go to on Friday's who can be a bit, I think the polite term is 'trying' and is always nicking toys/pushing/biting etc. His mum doesn't seem to be able to control him but when his gran is there, he is a different child. I try not to judge tbh, next week it could be dd that is the one that all the mums are tutting at, could be a phase etc.

Also don't like children being called brats .

I would agree with the others and have a word with the nursery, they prob get this sort of thing all the time.

serenequeen · 05/07/2004 16:12

agree with oliveoil.

Original poster
woodpops · 05/07/2004 16:42

I appriciate that it is probably just a 'phase' that this kid is going through but when the mother can't even acnoledge that there is a problem what hope has this kid got of ever getting out of this 'phase'???? My mum has just picked the kids up from nursery as normal for a Wednesday and the nursery manager has just mentioned that she doesn't think this is a nursery problem. Now what do I do??

OP posts:
Original poster
woodpops · 05/07/2004 16:44

Whoops acknowledge....

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Slinky · 05/07/2004 16:54

Go back - speak to the Manager/Owner directly and tell them IT IS their problem!

Insist that they sort it out - schools have to deal with it and so do nurseries. Also throw into the conversation that you will be contacting OFSTED to discuss their policies and nursery requirements on dealing with conflicts between children.

And then...announce that you would love to stay and chat for a bit longer, but you've got several appointments lined up to go and view other nurseries.

littlemissbossy · 05/07/2004 16:54

Ok seriously this time and no mention of brats. Unfortunately there's probably not a great deal you can do, only hope that there aren't further incidents. Perhaps it is a phase or perhaps the child will continue to do this until his mother takes some sort of responsibility. My dss has suffered from behavioural problems all his life and it's very difficult to deal with particularly when other children have been on the receiving end of his aggression. I however, have always taken responsibilty and explained to him the difference between right and wrong. In a nursery situation, this sort of behaviour is probably part of growing up, but rest assured, if this continues when this boy gets to school, it will not be tolerated and the mother, whether she agrees or not, will be put in her place.HTH lmbx

.... in the meantime, plan your party

Original poster
woodpops · 05/07/2004 17:07

The thing that's upset me more than anything is the fact that this childs mother is giving the impression to other parents that my ds is biting other kids. I don't want parents telling their child to stay away from my ds because he bites and also I don't want parents whos kids have been bitten thinking it's my ds that's done the biting. He's only bitten the once and (touch wood) seems to have learned his lesson from that. He was sent straight to bed when we got home from nursery, no cbeebies, no biscuit, nothing. Which he really didn't like then both myself and dh had a chat with him telling him how naughty biting is etc, etc. I'm really not looking forward to taking the kids back to nursery next Monday for fear of what this flaming woman is going to say next.

OP posts: