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Original poster

7 yr old boy upset on Valentines day. what would you have done?

59 replies

bouncy · 14/02/2007 14:11

My son, has been with his school girlfriend for over a year now, and for valentines day he got her a little handmade card and a little token pressie, he was all excited to give it to her this morning, and she was pleased, but then this other lad inthe class came into school with a teddy half the size of him, another bag which had chocolates and other bits in, and gave it to my sons "girlfriend" I could see that my son was desperately trying not to get upset and putting on a brave face.

It broke my heart leaving him like that, so while I was out today, I picked up a little card and a small gift and left it at home for him.

Whilst talking to my friend, she said shuldn't have bothered and to not shield him from heart-ache etc etc, I thought he was far too young for this, and that we can have a talk later about it, I just wanted to get something to cheer him up.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
Anchovy · 14/02/2007 17:21

Can't remember who it was who had a downer on Reception Disco's but I'm rubbing my hands together waiting for her to see this!

For the record I rarely stick my head above the parapet but I think calling friends of the opposite sex "girlfriends" and "boyfriends" at the age of 7 and implying an "exclusive relationship" that can be measured in time is just wrong and makes me feel extremely uneasy.

Aloha · 14/02/2007 17:22

Why should the mother be talking to her daughter?
I agree with everyone that I really, really dislike this boyfriend and girlfriend talk about very young children. This kind of quasi-adult, exclusive relationship should be firmly squashed IMO. Refer to her as his 'friend' and discourage this romantic sort of behaviour. I also think the school should discourage it. Actually I think the giving of valentine gifts in school (esp a primary school ) should be banned by the head. It's just not remotely appropriate IMO. I hate valentine's day full stop, but this is the worst manifestation of it I've heard of, tbh.

ssd · 14/02/2007 17:26

too too wierd for me

my ds is nearly 9, if I thought he "had a girlfriend for a yr" I'd be worried

he's got plenty time for all that

Thistimenextyear · 14/02/2007 18:00

Come on everyone give bouncy a break!!! Surely you dont really think she means for her son to be in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship at 7, simply that she is just trying to be protective of her son's feelings. Having children ranging from 16 down to 8,over the years i have had to witnessed the spurned love and short lived infatuation that does occur within primary school children. Sadly children can often be fickle and many do seem to 'latch on' to the valentines idea. I think the key is to keep things lighthearted and not too serious, there is plenty of time for that.

MrsGoranVisnjic · 14/02/2007 18:10

terminology counts - it reflects attitude

Gobbledigook · 14/02/2007 18:13

OMG, I'm with Twig and Cod - how ridiculous! He's had a 'girlfriend' for a year and he's 7? I don't think I'd be encouraging that. I thought I was going to click on the post to find you meant 17!

DumbledoresGirl · 14/02/2007 18:15

It is not the fact that bouncy's ds has a "girlfriend" - my 6 yo dd has at least 8 "boyfriends" (I despair of her really! ) - but the fact that he should feel so intensely about the relationship that he was upset that another child brought in a present. In fact, just the idea of children giving others presents on Valentines Day seems a bit OTT to me. Even my dd took nothing for any of her admirers and only received one card from them - presumably sent with a light heart. 6/7 yos really should not be so emotionally involved IMO.

RustyBear · 14/02/2007 18:17

Wwere talking about having 'girlfriends' and 'boyfriends' when I was in primary school, and that's 45 years ago - Valentine's certainly wasn't a high profile event then.

Gobbledigook · 14/02/2007 18:17

Thank the Lord it's half term here so giving and receiving Valentine's cards and gifts just hasn't been an issue.

Tbh, my children have no idea it's Valentine's day and they didn't do anything about it in school either.

OrmIrian · 14/02/2007 18:19

My DD (also 7) made s present and a card for her 'bf' today. She wrote the she loved him 'forever' . Very excited this morning. She got nothing. Was she upset? Was she hell! She just shrugged and moved on.... but I think he'll be getting the old heave-ho pretty soon.

I am also a bit at the bf/gf thing going on at that age but it's obviously not too serious. The girls seem to swap bfs amongst each other like exchanging library books....

indignatio · 14/02/2007 18:19

ds came home yesterday from school saying that he was going to marry X. Today he wrote a valentines card to Y. Should I have words re two timing ?

ds is 4.5

Banning valentines for primary school kids seems ridiculously heavy handed. It is all so lovely and inoccent at present.

Anchovy · 14/02/2007 18:19

Well what do people mean by boyfriend and girlfriend at 7 then - I still don't get it. Do they kiss? Hold hands? Is it their idea to call themselves this? Their parents? What do the school think about it - do they condone it? Turn a blind eye?

Because I agree that terminology counts. And I do think that putting children in circumstances where this is accepted or smiled on accelerates their development in that area. And if I thought that was going on at my DS's school or among his friends I would be absolutely livid, tbh.

But then maybe I'm just a bit old fashioned.

fireflyfairy2 · 14/02/2007 18:20

What a load of poo. Even at 17 I would discourage my child to be with a boyfriend for over a year!! Wise the head woman Let him play with his power rangers, not some girlfriend!

MrsGoranVisnjic · 14/02/2007 18:22

valentines is an adult hallmark day about romantic love

so you encourage romantic love amongst primary school children do you?

no? I thought not

here, here Anchovy - well put

morningpaper · 14/02/2007 18:27

Children have romantic feelings too!!!

You've all forgotten what it was like to be a child

I had a 'boyfriend' when I was 6 and was DEVASTATED when I moved house when I was 8

I wrote him love letters and got embarassed around him and had feelings that were romantic for him

DumbledoresGirl · 14/02/2007 18:27

Good grief, I had a "boyfriend" all the way though primary school - the same boy! she announces proudly! The term in those days (the 1970s) meant nothing more than a special friend of the opposite sex. I suppose your favourite female friend was called your best friend and your favourite male friend was called your boyfriend. We used to play kiss chase and I remember Ian and I going into the classrrom during kiss chase and hiding under the table to kiss, but it was entirely innocent. He did give me a Valentines when we were 10 and I was rather embarrassed by it (though I still have it!)

So I don't think the terminology is new. Do they kiss nowadays? Regretably, they do. Every day, my boys (totally uninterested in girls - always have been) come home and mock dd for the boys she has kissed that day. But I believe it to still be innocent stuff.

BTW, if you want to know what you could have done bouncy, rather than buying ds a present, you could have invited the girl round for tea. That would make her like him again more, and be one in the eye for the teddy bear boy!

morningpaper · 14/02/2007 18:28

At that age, BOYFRIEND meant that we played together a lot and wrote each other letters and cards and gave each other little presents

KTeePee · 14/02/2007 18:29

This reminds me of my ancient aunty who insistes on asking my not-yet-three year old if the little girl he mentions as his friend is his "girlfriend" . He looks blankly at her, I want to have stern words but my other children are there. I remember being the same with us when we were kids and being really embarrassed by her behaviour!

DumbledoresGirl · 14/02/2007 18:30

Would that be a maiden aunt KTeePee? Poor dear, living her life through others!

Pinotmum · 14/02/2007 18:31

MP, my 6 yo dd positively grins like a cheshire cat when I mention the boy she likes in conversation. However, I don't encourage her to view it as "pairing" and wouldn't have bought him a present had she asked. Luckily we are on Half Term otherwise I know she would have made him a card . He's about 4 inches shorter than her as well so not ideal - lol.

Thistimenextyear · 14/02/2007 18:35

Hear,hear Morningpaper.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 14/02/2007 18:37

yes I think it's possible for children to have feelings for someone of the opposite sex and even to talk of that person as their "boyfriend/girlfriend", but that is generally innocence, and I think that parents referring to them as being "together" and referring to the girl as "my son's girlfriend" makes it out to be waay more serious than it is or should be. In reality, the boy in question here would probably have forgotten about someone else giving his "girlfriend" a present by the time he got home, but by buying him a card/gift the op is re-emphasising the need for him to be upset/and to view this relationship as a real relationship.

Children are maturing faster now, as is evident by the "12 year old pregnant girl" thread, and I think that by encouraging these relationships, we are encouraging our children to be much more adult than they should be at such a young age.

KTeePee · 14/02/2007 18:37

Very maiden!

beckybrastraps · 14/02/2007 18:40

My ds is only 5 and has little crushes on girls. They hold hands and are inseparable for a while, and then he goes back to playing with the boys and she with the girls. I agree with morningpaper. DO none of you remember kiss chase?!!

morningpaper · 14/02/2007 18:41

All this talk of "innocence" - why is sex so corrupting?!?!!

There is nothing wrong with romance

It is the beginnings of sexual feelings

It is not the SAME as sexual feelings

It is good, positive, part of role-play and growing up and forming close relationships

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