Mornington Crescent....

[BratFarrarsPony]

Well as I won the last game fairly and squarely despite not being as quick as the old lags....I will start another game.

Gants Hill

Oh dear. Once again it falls to poor, humble me to drag you back to the path of righteousness, otherwise known as

Chancery Lane

Darlings, I apologise humbly for my two year absence.
The Colonel made me several offers. Some of which I felt I should have refused.
Still, I find a moment of solitude.

So shhhhh... To Bank they'll never find me there.

Hindsight is 20:20 vision, eh, FastWindow? Better to avoid Sardines with the Duke, I would have thought, after that unfortunate incident in Belgrade when he and the U23 ladies' croquet team were stuck in the second airing cupboard for a week.

Be that as it may:

Chadwell Heath

Maud behave. You and I were both on that croquet team.

And so, without further juicy detail. Gunnersbury

I'm still on it, my dear, such is my youthful and dewy glow. And now, for yet more glamour

Kilburn High Road

Kilburn? KILBURN?!

We agreed never to speak of Kilburn. Did we not?

Just you watch. They'll be round, asking their questions, reopening old mysteries.

Quick. Waterloo East.

gets away with it

Much has changed while you've been away, FastWindow, and much has been forgotten, although not, I must remind you, your outstanding (in every sense) bar bill. Kilburn is now quite the place.

Deptford Bridge

The 69 Margaux was very special though, wasn't it Maud?

Apologies for running out on the bill. As I said, the Colonel was very persuasive. And plausible. Turns out, he was one Nigel Stansbury with a record longer than Stairway To Heaven.

Older and wiser, I take you to the eminently sensible and safe Richmond

So that's what happened to Nigel. We lost track him late in 1998, some time after his second divorce from MamaPingu and his expulsion from the MC circuit over a highly disreputable Treble Bunbury to Banbury at the Malmo qualifiers. I always knew some poor mug would be taken in by him. Didn't realise it had been you.

Roehampton

That treble Bunbury should have got him all that year's Nobel Prizes but, hey, there ain't no justice.

Roehampton makes me think of the Luddite riots and therefore of course of the Battle of Guadalcanal. Let us therefore take a Fryer's Fictional to Silverbridge.

Maud, please remind me of the address of that place where they sell that nice haddock-flavour pancake mix. Yes, that peculiar cousin of mine is visiting again.

A Fryers Fictional has not been permitted in autumn since the debacle in 1997, rarely spoken about.

So from Roehampton I think a move to New Malden is best.

Autumn in which hemisphere? It has never been specified.

Cranford

Well, in that case

Blandings

Tenway Junction

Ah, Irene! As usual, you have inspired us with an original and challenging move. The most appropriate riposte is

Avalon

'Ave two ons if you like, they're only small. But for obvious reasons we must all go to Colchester.

It's good job the station was renamed some time ago otherwise we would have had to revert to Avalon. So at least we can go to Braintree for a nice quiet Sunday evening.

When were you last in Braintree, Saints? Since some fool gave that lobster to the Chair of the Culture and Drainage Committee there have been no quiet evenings there except on the fifth Thursday of the month and then only if the vicar and her wife are both back in jug.

Let’s spice things up a bit. Hunstanton.

Ah, sunny Hunny, the pearl of the East, leading us naturally to

Bradford Forster Square

Rather a neat vertical there, Maud.

Kidderminster

Thank you, Irene. One aims for simplicity and elegance in all things - the epitome of which is, of course,

Birmingham Snow Hill

Everyone likes to reminisce about their mis-spent youth mais où sont les verticales d’antan?

But yes. I remember Adlestrop

If it's poetry you're seeking

Kingston upon Hull

The 2017 City of Culture is a strange place, with such luminaries as Mr Larkin and Mr Motion alongside the now Lord Prescott. Best to escape before it is too late.

Scunthorpe

If Typhoo put the T in Britain who put . . . No, Andrew, behave yourself and go toot-sweet to Melton Mowbray