Mornington Crescent....

[BratFarrarsPony]

Well as I won the last game fairly and squarely despite not being as quick as the old lags....I will start another game.

Gants Hill

Nor am i convinced by Saints' desperate efforts to persuade us that she is down wiv da yoof, indeed. The judge she mentions may well be the only DJ not currently residing at Her Majesty's pleasure, but his first tentative entry into the MC scene was an unmitigated disaster and left half the country in Nidd and the other half in therapy.

To restore some sanity, I'm off to

New Cross Gate

Remind me now Maud, which half were you in?

I'm tempted to play New Cross but obviously I cannot do that - not until educatingarti promises not to do what she (was it she that month? I lose track) did last time. The insurers won't pay again and fair's fair to the billy goat.

So - and with a mixture of pride and regret - Sevenoaks it shall be.

Ah use of the Thameslink rule usually only played on a Monday. Time to play it on a Sunday then and return to somewhere in the metropolis (at least according to the 1964 creation that calls itself Greater London), to Bromley South

Some splendid action here. While I recover my bearings I shall stick with the Thameslink rule and pivot to

St Mary Cray

Irene! How delightful to see you again. I was quite concerned that the Minister might be having another of her episodes and you might be running the department single-handedly again. Quite within your capabilities, I know, but it does eat into one's MC time so terribly, doesn't it?

Epsom Downs

Andrew, you seem to be forgetting that the Billy goat was entirely not my idea and Seven Oaks is such a plebian move don't you think. As befits the day of rest, a Cotswolds interlude is required I think and since it is the first of the month, non-binary Great Western loops are enabled and I can take us to Kemble.

Irene, so glad you are with us again and I hope the terms of your parole are not too onerous - although I hope they have taken that bloody euphonium away once and for all. Take up the piccolo instead.

I suppose that in the dark days in which we live I will have to call Corinium by its name in the vulgar tongue so Cirencester it is.

I don't like the idea of stopping at Swindon, nor Reading, so it will have to be Maidenhead

All trains are, however, stoping at Taplow to celebrate the feast day of Saint Anaxagoras, Crescenter and Martyr.

Honestly Andrew, you are dreadful - I told you when we met that it's the poor Minister who's banged up. I have to make regular visits to bring her emergency Crunchies and copies of Goat Breeders Weekly. Come to think of it, I'm not sure you ever explained what you were doing round the back of Holloway Prison on a wet Tuesday morning

Time for a manoeuvre au Brumel, to

Dawlish Warren

Sorry Irene - I entirely forgot that you were able to persuade the Minister to take the rap this time. Well, I suppose as long as that Swiss lawyer has the papers in safe custody she hasn't got much of a choice, has she? Does she still drown her Crunchies in Cointreau?

D.W. is a nice part of the world but I prefer Bude and sod Dr Beeching!

There's only so much rusticity a girl can bear.

Gipsy Hill

Off to a place where the word 'nil' is often associated with the local association football team, Crystal Palace

Even now, after all these years, I cannot hear the words 'Gipsy Hill' without flinching.

Streatham Common

I'm sorry to remind you of past traumas, Irene. I would have thought that the knowledge that the perprtrators were variously extradited, excommunicated, imprisoned or barred from the MC circuit for life would have been some comfort.

I'm feeling adventurous tonight, so

Waddon

There's adventurous and there's foolhardy. I at least know my duty which is to lead us to the comparative safety of Chelmsford.

Using the closed lines rule, various parts of the orange face county come into play, and lead me to Wickford

The people who live draw breath in Wickford have one obvious talent; namely keeping anything good about that town secret. Off, off, and far, far away to Ballachulish

Ah, the closed rail rule. Which I will play and take us to Oban

Oooh - daring!

Hold tight, everyone, this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Wick

The ride has never taken us on the scenic route between Inverness and Aberdeen. So let us go part way today and end up at Forres.

Och aye the noo

Rannoch

Good old Hadrian and his barrier in honour of which I offer you Wallsend

Again the closed lines rule, or is it the Tyne and Wear Metro rule, who can tell? Hadrian did leave his mark on the north, and perhaps Mr Trump could have a seance given his plans to keep his unruly citizens in.

The coast beckons, which means Whitley Bay

Whitley Bay in October? Not bloody likely. It's cold enough in August.

Penzance