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what would YOU do? please advise me

56 replies

concernedonlooker · 05/02/2007 18:27

ok, I have this friend who has been looking for "ms right" for some time.
He's been internet dating for a while and recently got chatting to a young lady who he got on with very well.

On meeting her this weekend it turns out that rather than being 19, as she claimed she is in fact 16. He is 30.

Don't get me wrong, I know he isn't just after a shag, or to take advantage. He's one of the nicest friends I have, a realy lovely bloke.
But she is 16!
They had sex this weekend. he drove 2 hrs to meet her, then all the way back to his so they could spend the weekend together. her parents think she was staying with a friend.

am I right to think this it totally wrong? or am I overreacting?

he is looking for a serious relationship and wants kids and I can't believe that she wants the same oiut of this.
he is also loaded and I think she may be taking advantage of his good nature.

I've e-mailed him telling him I think it's all going to end in tears but I just wanted some more opinions on it. and to rant somewhere because I have no-one else to talk to!

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 06/02/2007 13:46

maybe they don't think there is anything wrong with it but think other people will think there is?

Bucketsofdynomite · 06/02/2007 14:01

If she is doing her GCSEs this year he should definitely back off. If they live that far away from each other he's going to be taking up a lot of her spare time.
And even when she's done them she should be out at parties being promiscuous with other teenagers, not settling down with Mr Cosy Nights In . She may be more worldly than him but she's got a lot more life to live, just because he never had one.

tenbygirl · 06/02/2007 19:09

When I was 16 I dated (and slept with) a 31 year old man for quite a few months. My parents knew and I'm sure they disaproved but never said anything - guess they lnew it would fizzle out and didn't want to push me to him.

Looking back it does seem very creepy a 30 year old and a 16 year old - but at the time it never felt weird. But as a 30year old woman I couldn't sleep with a 16 year old boy.

When I was 18 I dating a 39 year old!

I'm now married to a 44 year old so I guess I've always liked older men. He should back off though.

nappyaddict · 06/02/2007 19:41

some girls do just want to settle down though. i would be happy with that. i would just say ignore it. it could work and be great, it might only work for a while and then fizzle out. you're not going to like everyone your friends get with, but more often than not its best to say nothing cos it will soon fizzle out and you don't want to lose a friend forever over something that lasts only months or a few years.

concernedonlooker · 08/02/2007 14:31

just want to say, I don't think this situation is anything like the one you describe lou33.
yes, he should have had more control and should never have slept with her.
but he wasn't drunk and he wasn't trying it on with someone who was drunk and had no idea what was happening. they BOTH wanted this to happen. but yes, he should never even have been in the situation to start with.

also why the presumption that she could be pregnant- that they had unprotected sex?

OP posts:
lou33 · 08/02/2007 16:54

i know it was different, i was just pointing out that saying he got carried away was no excuse, it's probably exactly the same thing the bloke in my room would say if i ever get my hands on him

it's just not a good enough reason

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