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Original poster

So where do you all stand?

28 replies

noogles · 22/01/2007 12:50

A friend and I had a debate. dp and i planned for our ds. We knew to an extent that our lives would change. Mine moreso than his. We decided that I would work p-time as dp earns more than me and I was happy to do so. Therefore I am the one who is at home and takes care of the housework,general day to day care of ds,dinner etc.DP takes care of ds while I am at work and does his fair share of diy and dinner occasionally,etc. I also tend to go out less,my choice as I feel that going out every weekend would have a bit of an impact on ds as i work eves as it is.
Friend disagrees,she and dp didnt plan for ds and she decided to go back to work and put ds in creche.She goes out most weekends with or without dp and sometimes they leave ds with in laws and both go out separately.He works full time she part time and she says that I should go out more and enjoy myself.

I do go out sometimes on my own for dinner or shopping with friends,sometimes with dp,but most of the time with dp and ds. because thats what we wanted,to be a family and enjoy time together.

Just wondered what ur thoughts were.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 22/01/2007 12:52

Horses for courses I say.
There's no right or wrong, some people love going out -- some people aren't that bothered. I wonder why she's commenting on it?

Quootiepie · 22/01/2007 12:52

Do what suites you and your family, not just what someone else may or may not do... Personally, I think she goes out too much, but... it's just my opinion. I think your "routine" sounds alot healthier all round.

FioFio · 22/01/2007 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ssd · 22/01/2007 12:53

you sound like you're happy and thats all that matters

Tortington · 22/01/2007 12:55

whatever makes you happy at any particular time in your life.

there was a time when going out with my husband over friends meant desperation for me.

however i personally have always valued being away from teh children and getting shitfaced.

coppertop · 22/01/2007 12:56

Why is she so bothered by how often you go out? Is it a hint that she wants more time alone with you?

Original poster
noogles · 22/01/2007 13:00

I dont know but she always mentions it,by dropping in conversations that I like being a "home bunny" as she calls it. We dont really go out together we only really stayed mates due to havin babies at the same time.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 22/01/2007 13:01

i do go out at night with friends etc but always after ds is in bed so he doesn't miss time with me.

CODNoMore · 22/01/2007 13:02

i stand in the shadwo of love

Original poster
noogles · 22/01/2007 13:03

? codnomore what does that mean

OP posts:
CODNoMore · 22/01/2007 13:04

its a song

CODNoMore · 22/01/2007 13:05

So don't you leave me standin' in the shadow of love
I'm gettin' ready for the heartaches to come
Don't you see me standing in the shadow of love
Just tryin' my best to get ready for the heartaches to come

bigknickersbigknockers · 22/01/2007 13:06

Eh

Bucketsofdynomite · 22/01/2007 14:07

PMSL I have no idea what Cod is on about but as usual she has me in stitches.
Noogles, do your friend and her dp work 'normal' hours? I can imagine working nights makes you look at your time differently so it's not really comparable if they don't work nights.

Original poster
noogles · 22/01/2007 17:19

Yes they work normal hours,(I dont actually work nights,just evenings,am home by 10) Also she said that she didnt want to get a job in the eves because she "has a life"!! the cheek!!! I also have a life its just a little different to hers.

OP posts:
Bucketsofdynomite · 22/01/2007 19:28

Maybe she feels defensive and thinks you might look down on her for working in the day so feels she has to diss your life before you can diss hers. Whatever, it's all in her head, just be sweetness and light and the bigger person, she's obviously a bit chippy so any attempts at humour on the subject will get misinterpreted.

Kbear · 22/01/2007 19:35

Personally, I had my children age 30 and 32. I partied, got drunk lots and lots, holidayed with DH and with friends and did as I darn well pleasey until then.

Now I am very content to spend my time with my DH and kids.

I go out every few months with my friends and get hilariously drunk and then I'm over it for another few months! I don't go out after work - I'd rather come home to my children and put them to bed myself. I go to salsa clases once a week and swim on a Tuesday (both kids at school).

I have friends who do loads more and loads less. I am happy, that is all that matters.

If you're not, change it, if you are, tell your friend you're quite happy thank you very much and could she please stop being so patronising!

Donbean · 22/01/2007 19:50

You sound just like me noogles.
What you describe is my life almost mirrored exsactly!
I cant help feeling a bit disaproving of friends who take the hard line socially when they have young children.
Rightly or wrongly i just accept that my priorities are totally different to other peoples.
What works for me doesnt work for other people, that i accept.
I know what suits me and i would strongly disagree with your friend and would be some what offended if she said to me that i should go out more and enjoy myself....i do, in my own way.
Do you though?

tirnanog · 22/01/2007 20:29

Maybe she is jealous-you sound like a very happy family.

nikkie · 22/01/2007 20:37

I am single and work p/t, and I like to spend time at the w/e with my kids and I know if I go out I will be too tired/ill to have quality time with them.I have friends who don't get it

MimmyPig · 22/01/2007 20:39

It's up to you how you live your life.

I planned for children, knew certain things would change (I left my job and now work from home) but I don't go out any less. I go out quite a lot with friends and I'd go mad if I didn't.

lulumama · 22/01/2007 20:42

some people's family dynamic thrives on not spending too much time together! but also makes it hard for them to understand families who do the opposite

as has been said, horses for courses..do what makes you and your family tick

not up to her to tell you how to enjoy your life !

Flossam · 22/01/2007 20:42

I'm a bit judgemental about SIL on this I have to say. her DS is in c/care from 7.30 till 6 every weekday. he has a strict bedtime of 6.30. Then at the weekends she sends him off to PIL's where he'll stay the night and she'll be picked up the next afternoon. So at best she gets one whole day a week with him. She now probably only spends about 24hrs a week with him. And IMO that is sad. He is very clingey at c/care, and when you think about it like this it is obvious why. He is 21 months.

Elasticwoman · 22/01/2007 20:45

People who like going out and burning candle at both ends need other people to do it with. Seems obvious to me that your friend wants you to do what will be best for HER. Like a friend of mine, who on hearing I was miscarrying (age 32) told me that it was a bad time in my career for a baby just now. She had (and has) no children and liked to socialise with me; when our children were eventually born of course I had less time (and money) to go out for meals, cinema etc.

TeeCee · 22/01/2007 20:49

Each to their own. Personally, for me, I am a happier person still being able to go out now and then and I go out a decent amount. I'm happy and if I'm happy my kids are happy, that's what matters. If staying in 364 days out of 365 doesn't bother you and you're happy, then that's all that matters. Personally I'd be unhappy staying in a lot and therefore I pick and choose my social events and go out maybe once or twice a month and have a big night out at a club with my DP and mates. My kids love being with their grandparents (both sets) and the grandparents love spending time on their own with them without us around. It works for us.

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