Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

2 year old DD got out onto the road today - can't stop thinking about it....

30 replies

MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 09:43

That's it really. Was practising the clarinet in the front room in the mistaken belief that DH was watching DD (2.1) in the back of the house/garden wherever she happened to be. not so - he hadn't noticed she'd gone into the garden. I said to him the other week that she could move the barrier we'd put up at the side, so she MUST be watched in the garden as she could get out. Unfortunately he has stopped listening to me and yep, she got out. Luckily, I saw a blonde heard heading towards the road out of the corner of my eye, and, screaming, ran out of the house (you have never seen a 35 weeks pregnant woman move so fast) and caught up with her on the pavement. It's quite a busy road (by NZ standards).

I just can't stop thinking about it . What if I hadn't seen her, what if the people who lived behind us had turned into the drive, bla bla bla, am crying again now (cried for about 40 minutes straight afterwards). And am just furious with DH.

we're just shit parents aren't we. I'm kind of typing this out here in the hope that I'll feel better once I've written it all down, and that it's happened to someone else....we are obviously going to get round to having a proper gate fitted, but with DH at the moment, feels like I can't trust him to do anything really as he is so FUCKING absent minded. It's driving me mad.

OP posts:
dmo · 19/01/2007 09:53

poor you what ahock
when something like this happens there are alot of whatifs

Edam · 19/01/2007 09:57

What dmo said. Dh let me down with something similar and I was FURIOUS. Told him if he ever did something so stupid again I'd throw him out (and I mean it).

Do you think he's realised quite how dangerous HIS behaviour was? Hope so, for your and dd's sake.

(Having said that, I'm not Miss Perfect either. Once bumped into dh coming home from the shops. He was coming home from the shops too. Only neither of us had ds. Turned out each of us had gone out separately thinking the other was looking after ds. God, that was a shock. One of the pitfalls of living in a three storey house where you can lose people/not hear the front door closing.)

FioFio · 19/01/2007 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kelly1978 · 19/01/2007 10:03

It msut have been so scary, but don't beat yourself up over it. I've managed to lose several of mine at different times when they've suddenly learned to do something I didn't think they could manage, it is easily enough done. Maybe you should sort somethng out though so that she can't get out at all.

SmileysPeople · 19/01/2007 10:03

I knwo how you feel, it goes over and over in your head and makes you feel sick.
I had this when DS2 escaped from us in church and got out into the carpark, and on holiday we were drinking in the cafe, he was in the playground next to us, next thing his friend came up and said DS2 was in the sea(he was 3)!! Oh God I feel sick thinking about it. I've never run like that in my life.

It will wear off after a few days....you're not crap, you just live in fear like the rest of us.

Original poster
MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 10:03

thanks

he does realise, and he feels terrible. But we've been here before - he is just so dreamy. It's all very well being sweet and lovely (which he is), but I can't STAND the absent mindedness - the not locking doors, the not concentrating. He's always been like this, but I just feel like I have to be on guard all the time and the responsible grown up. no doubt relate or someone would tell me that I'm overpowering or something but look what happens when I DON'T remind him about things.

he has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility in many ways, which has caused him OCD which he's been treated for etc. i.e. he has a phobia of driving in case he hurts someone, so he won't drive (v.inconvenient). But apparently a total blind spot to easily avoided things like this.

I'm trying not to be mean and furious with him - but I don't think I'm overreacting either - do I have to bloody watch her all the time or something? oh am just so upset about it and keep seeing her little blond head bobbing along outside the window.....aaaargh

I'm going on, I'm sorry. I'm pregnant and tired and cross and can't get this off my mind

OP posts:
SmileysPeople · 19/01/2007 10:06

My DH is a bt like that, he just doesn't seem to have the 'living in fear thing' and assumes evrything will be fine, and nothing bad could happen. I tell it could and it does happen to people, it's annoying and bloody terrifying isn't it?

Original poster
MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 10:06

oh and we will be going out to organise a proper gate tomorrow.

you are being lovely, thank you! I don't usually outpour like this on here, but can't really tell any RL people as it just makes DH look so shit and I can't be bothered with them all knowing...

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 19/01/2007 10:06

get yourself some chocolate, snuggle up with dd in front of cbeebies and put youyr feet up. Pg hormones and tiredness are probably making this all the more harder for you to deal with.

Flamesparrow · 19/01/2007 10:07

Awww we had this happen when DD was about 2 too... DH had been going in and out to the front garden, and on the last trip in forgot to shut the door .

Realised DD had been very quiet and not following me everywhere, saw the door and found her leggin it up the road

I was gonna say "so you're not a shit parent" but should probably say "so I'm a shit parent too"

These things happen, and she is fine, and you won't let it happen again will ya - just like the first time the baby rolls off the bed/sofa/throws themselves down the flight of stairs....

SSShakeTheChi · 19/01/2007 10:09

We were on a beach in Andalusia when dd was 2. Dh had meandered off down the beach for a walk whilst I played in the sand with dd. So then when he got back, I told him I was going for a walk, so I did and left dd with him.Assuming as you do that he had his brain switched on and was going to look after her.

When I got back, there was dd, crying her eyes out and being comforted by this Spanish couple. Dh comes wandering back eventually looking like a total absent minded looney. I was FURIOUS. He'd just gone off swimming leaving dd alone. What he was thinking is a total mystery to me, was he assuming I'd be back and look after her or not assuming anything? Who knows?

The Spanish couple were looking at us like we were the parents from Hell leaving this little child alone like that.

Men...

Original poster
MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 10:10

it cetainly is Smileyspeople

and so frustrating that he spends hours of his life worrying about nebulous things that WON'T happen in million years. but general stuff like watching DD, not locking up, leaving windows and doors wide open at night - not a problem apparently. So I end up checking all this myself. And asking/telling him to do stuff - might as well talk to the wall.

I'm supposed to be leaving him with a 3-4 week old baby and DD every evening for 3 weeks in April and I am not confident. he's a lovely man, but god I wish he'd just get a grip.

OP posts:
Eeek · 19/01/2007 10:12

I lost both of my dss in Mothercare the other day. It happens. As Kelly says chocolate is the remedy.

On a practical note could you and DH go round your house and work out all the weak spots and then get someone in to sort it all out. Could you put DH in charge of organising it?

After ds1 I thought we'd got it all done but when ds2 arrived I realised that even if we had, things had slipped in the mean time. And my ds2 is a far more physical kid and can get into trouble ds1 never thought of. You don't want to be doing all that when your new baby comes. You just won't be able to be as vigilant - you'll be knackered, feeding and changing nappies instead.

Original poster
MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 10:12

oh thank you for the stories!

and sorry for all the moaning. As I say - wouldn't normally unload like this but really have to tonight...(am in NZ Kelly - no CBeebies - a source of great disappointment for all of us)
should be going to bed but know I will fret.

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 19/01/2007 10:16

so feel for you. this sort of stuff is diabolical if it's your own fault, and has an added layer of bitterness if it's somebody else's fault. i got tangled up with a pushchair in a shop doorway once, with ds running ahead. he ran STRAIGHT across the pedestrian crossing on the busiest road in west Oxford. and stopped in the middle of the road. you could have heard me scream in Alaska.

as the forgetful disorganised one in my marriage i have a bit of sympathy for your dh. unfortunately it may actually be the beginning of him taking more responsibility - but why would it have to take something like that?

Original poster
MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 10:17

eek - that is a good idea. just pointing out the weak spot and expecting DH to remember is obv not going to do the trick! So tomorrow will get him to ring people to come and quote to fix a proper gate. Making me feel like a nagging bossyboots AGAIN but I just don't think that's ever going to change TBH.

OP posts:
SSShakeTheChi · 19/01/2007 10:17

I think strike whilst the iron is hot and he is still shocked at what happened. It should make him move.

DimpledThighs · 19/01/2007 10:44

there are lots of 'whatifs' we all have them - I can keep myself awake if I think about them but...

  1. you had the foresight to notice the problem in the garden and informed dh
  1. you have learnt that you have to ensure that dh know what is expected of him
  1. you are perceptive and alert and you noticed your dd even though you were otherwise occupied.

these things happen and you are not a crap parent - everyone has these kind of things, but most won't admit them.

Original poster
MrsJohnCusack · 19/01/2007 10:48

thank you

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 19/01/2007 11:54

How horrible . However you are not shit parents - these things happen to the best of us and they aren't always anyone's fault. Stop with the 'what-ifs' - they aren't helpful and just make you feel awful.

She's fine. You got her.

I'm a very absent-minded parent - drives DH mad sometimes but as he's simply 'absent' quite a bit he can't really complain. My eldest is 10 now and we've never had any serious accidents in all those years.

Marina · 19/01/2007 12:04

Oh Mrs JC what a horrible shock. It does not make you shit parents and you know that deep down of course - your gorgeous dd is a loved, happy child.
I was petrified of leaving ds with dh when I was in hospital having dd, truth be told. He was more absent-minded than usual (not well as it turned out, whole different story ) but no harm came to ds.
We all take our eyes off the ball sometimes and we all have moments of feeling there is only one grown-up in the house, honest.
Sending chocolate and sympathy vibes XXX

marthamoo · 19/01/2007 12:12

Ds2 walked straight off the pavement and into the middle of the road just before Christmas - I bet you heard my screech in NZ. So I know how you feel - except in that case it was my fault - I wasn't watching him, I assumed he would be waiting by my side, I was faffing about locking the front door...I posted on MN and people were very kind - but I know how shaken up you feel.

But she's OK and you're going to fix the gate...and I bet the shock of this will help your dh 'raise his game' when you're busy having the baby.

The advice for me was to drink wine...you can't really do that can you?

suedonim · 19/01/2007 16:46

If you're sh*t parents, you're certainly not alone, MrsJC. Whenever I read a post like this it brings back 25yo memories of someone knocking on my front door and asking if that was my baby crawling along the white line in the middle of the road. Yes, it was my baby. Thank god the road was quite quiet and he was unharmed but he could have drowned in my tears. I forget quite what happened now, but Istr ds1 had left the front door open and ds2 just made a break for it.

Hopefully this is a wake-up call for your dh.

OrmIrian · 19/01/2007 17:34

When DD was about 2 a neighbour knocked on our door at 8am with a naked DD . She'd just used the potty and as it was summer we weren't too fussed about dressing her again. We thought she was playing with her room with DS#1. She had just learnt to open the front door and DH had just unlocked it to go and get something from the car and forgot to lock it again.

Neighbour just laughed and said "She can't keep her knickers on can she? Just like me..."

Overrun · 19/01/2007 17:39

MrsJohnCusak,

I know exactly how you feel, my dts have got out of the house twice now, my dt1 can unlock the front door, the first time I didn't know and heard the door click and like you I ran screaming after them. The second time was quite recent, and obviously the shock from the first incident had gone, as I forgot to lock the door and they got out again
I have also had a situation where dt1 climbed out of his pushchair while I was getting dt2 in the car, and I looked down and he was trying to open the drivers door (it was on quite a busy road)
I posted on here both times, and was filled with fear for what might have been and digust with myself that I let it happen
Nothing more I can say, except that it does happen to most of us at some time or other