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Original poster

work or full time mum - what would you do?

47 replies

angie17 · 15/01/2007 13:08

I have a ds aged 2.4. I went back to work 3 days a week when he was 6 months. At the time I was ready to go back and enjoyed being with adults again. However over the last year I have started to regret my decision to return to work. I am a legal executive and earn £700 p/m. I don't particularly need to work as DH earns enough for us to live comfortably. I have quite a stressful job and often need to work on my days off. I always get phone calls from the office when I am at home and don't feel i get paid enough for the work I do (hope I haven't offended anyone as I do appreciate £700 is good for p/t work)
My problem is I have lost interest in my work and I constantly think about handing my notice in. My DH and I have had so many conversations about it and he says it is my decision and he will support me whatever. We are ttc baby no2 and I know that I will not return after maternity leave but my dilemma is do I wait until baby no2 comes along before leaving (whenever that may be) or go now.
On my days off I feel I have to cram as much in as possible such as food shopping, housework, playing with son etc that I am shattered by the weekend. I love being with my son and hate leaving him at nursery when I go to work. This morning he clung to me and I almost burst into tears when I left.
Sorry for the ramble I know it is my decision but looking for advice/guidance/crystal ball!!
TIA

OP posts:
princessmel · 15/01/2007 13:11

I would def not work if I was in your shoes.

You are very lucky to have the choice.
It sounds like you've decided anyway.

I'd hand in my notice and enjoy my son before I got pregnant again.

MrsSpoon · 15/01/2007 13:15

TBH in your situation I would go now too, doesn't sound like you are enjoying the job. I would make the most of the time with just you and your son before number 2 comes along. I was just thinking this morning how nice it was when it was just DS1 and myself (don't get me wrong I love DS2 to bits and can't imagine life without him) but my schedule was much less complicated and demanding.

Aderyn · 15/01/2007 13:15

I was in a similar position 2 years back and I gave up work when my dd was 22 months old.

I was waiting until I had a second baby but we were ttc and I had some miscarriages. After the second miscarriage, I gave 3 months notice. I was studying at the time and felt that work always had to take priority over studying, children and homelife. I often ended up working during my supposed study time. I didn't feel that my pay or position warranted such sacrafices.

When I gave up work I felt all my stress slide away. I then went onto conceive and had a new baby a year later. My dd2 is 15 months old and now I want to go back to work.

If you do decide to give up work then make sure you have a strategy for getting back into work again incase the novelty of SAHParenthood wears off. (especially if you only want to work part-time in the future). Either retrain for a new career or make sure you'll be able to get back into the type of work you left.

Blu · 15/01/2007 13:16

In your shoes, I would stop work now, and spend time building up contacts amongst othe SAHMs in the area so that you have a network for when you have a baby.

And maybe look into some course or training that you could start slowly, v p/t, so that when you start to miss work when dc2 is older, you have something in the pipeline.

hippmummy · 15/01/2007 13:16

Give up work
If you don't need to work, you don't want to work and you are going to leave anyway, what's stopping you?
Like PrincessMel says, it sounds like you know what you want to do.
Be happy now!

LaylaandSethsmum · 15/01/2007 13:16

If I was lucky enough to have the choices you have then I would deffo stay at home!!

calmontheoutside · 15/01/2007 13:24

I went back to work, teaching, when DD was 6 months, because I had to, DH SAHD. I only worked 4 days a week, but if you're a bit of a sad perfectionist like me, that works out as a five day week. (I worked my lunchtimes and then went back in after dinner two times a week, and spent three hours every Saturday in school)(That's a rant for a different thread, but good to get off my chest...) I hated being away from her, even though DH brought her in every breaktime and 3:30 for a breastfeed. After several months, I quit. We had to sell our house, leave the area and took the big gamble of moving to France, MUCH CHEAPER. If you don't have to work, and you think you'd like to stay at home, DON'T WORK. Afterwards you can work your socks off until you're 80. (no doubt by then 80 will be the retirement age...)

Pablothelittleredfox · 15/01/2007 13:27

In your shoes, I would not work.

I went back part time when ds1 was 5 months and I hated it too. It was totally crap.

I lasted about a month and then handed in my notice.

Granted, things are different for me as I now work freelance for my old company and am earning a good full time annual salary for much less hours of work.

Even so, I gave up without knowing that would be the case - the bottom line for me was that I just hated putting him in nursery and in my heart of hearts felt I should be at home with ds...and I wanted to be.

I don't have a crystal ball but my gut instinct from reading your post is give up - you won't get his baby years back.

OrmIrian · 15/01/2007 13:27

Give up now. You no longer enjoy it, it's stressing you out and upsetting DS and you don't need to financially.

HEIFER · 15/01/2007 13:31

Do It, you know you want to..

I love being at home with my DD (just 3)..

and think of all that time you can spend on mumsnet!

Original poster
angie17 · 15/01/2007 14:03

Thanks everyone for the replies. May have a development not sure yet though. I have come home from work because I don't feel well. I know this is another thread but my a/f was due today. Last night I started spotting and thought it had arrived early. Nothing much this morning but just been to the loo and nothing there at all. Feel crampy but have done so for the last week and a half (normally only get cramps day before). Think I may pay a visit to the chemist this afternoon!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/01/2007 14:04

If I had the choice?

I'd be a full-time mum.

Azure · 15/01/2007 14:08

Oooh best of luck. Reading what you've written I would definitely give up work. If you no longer enjoy it, don't need to work and hate leaving your DS, it's simply not worth it.

Twiglett · 15/01/2007 14:18

in your position I'd leave like a shot

so if it doesn't work out you can get another job

I took the decision to leave my FT job in June 2002 despite the fact I knew it would make it financially more difficult for us because I was the higher earner .. but DH and I decided it would be best for the whole family (us and DS 17 months) I'm still here (but we have DD too now).. still SAHMing

its a fabulous life if you play it right

pianist · 15/01/2007 14:21

If your family can afford for you not to, you should only work if you love it!

foundintranslation · 15/01/2007 14:25

oh if I could, I'd be a sahm like a shot but I'm the sole earner atm (and tbh it stinks, although my current job is more than bearable and very flexi).

foundintranslation · 15/01/2007 14:26

(twig, the italics on 'shot' weren't a ref to yours - sorry if it reads like that - just emphasising how shottily I'd be off if I could )

Twiglett · 15/01/2007 14:30

shottily

snurk

foundintranslation · 15/01/2007 14:31

yup, shottily as opposed to shoddily, which is the way I feel like I'm coping with everything atm

paulaplumpbottom · 15/01/2007 14:35

Hand in your notice. You sound really unhappy.

Mumpbump · 15/01/2007 14:40

How about a compromise? Give up work and retrain as a classroom assistant or similar so when your ds goes to school you can work child-friendly hours...

Marina · 15/01/2007 14:41

If you don't have to for financial reasons, and you're not happy, agree with everyone else - hand in your notice! I'd do the same like a SHOT too. And I have a job I love - except that I love my family more.

princessmel · 15/01/2007 14:51

Ooooh how exciting!!

mumfor1standfinaltime · 15/01/2007 14:57

If I could, I would probably give up my job. I don't have this option, I have to work for the money.
If I needed the maternity pay for baby 2 I would stay until then.
If I didn't need maternity pay for baby 2 I would leave now!

Bucketsofdynomite · 15/01/2007 16:16

I think you know what you want to do. There's got to be more fun part time jobs out there for someone with your experience and quals, you can always do that later.