Milk in First?? Etiquette question.

[Flumpytina]

Can any MNers out there give me the definitive answer to this most perplexing of questions?(and resolve an on going heated debate I am having with one of my best friends).
Does one place the milk in the cup pre or post tea ???
I am of the opinion that it should go in second, firstly because my Grannie told me off one day when she saw me putting it in second (she was frightfully posh), and secondly because of the practical consideration that you can adjust the strength of the tea more easily by varying the volume of milk added.
My friend contests that MIF (milk in first) is correct because of the historical context of protecting fine bone china cups from shattering by placing the milk in first to instantly cool the hot tea.
I was CONVINCED that my position is in line with good (modern) British manners when horrors, my mother gave me an etiquette book at Christmas and it clearly states that the milk should ALWAYS go in first.
So please someone with good breeding and an excellent answer (preferably in line with mine but I am open to being persuaded otherwise) respond!!

first if poured from a pot,

second if made with a bag in a mug or cup

someone said to me yesterday that people who put their milk in first are more likely to conceive a girl

once i had regained my composure, I wondered how on earth the logic of that worked!

me, I don;t drink tea
tastes of rust

oh god - i dont have excelletn breeding....
but thought i would share my hijack anyway

I once heard that putting milk in first was done by those thinking they were posh (Hyacinth Bucket style). Have no idea how true that is though.

Milk should ALWAYS go first! it's in every etiquette manual, but who reads manuals nowadays???

i read the mif argument before but also if you were that rich you wouldnt mind if the cups broke! so mif not in first.
personally i agree with op, milk in second.
oh, have not got good breeding btw.

oh yes, from a pot probably first,dont knwo why. but i dont like tea from a pot!

Popsycal, there's a saying in Italy that says "Dolce il cafe, amarga la donna" which basically means that bitter women drink sweet coffee while nice ones drink without. Never found any logic to it either but I have surprised myself drinking black coffee thinking it will make me happier! it didn't though

oooh i drink black coffee too - no milk no sugar

Erm no... I drink milk with coffee and lots of sugar, am I bitter or what???

I never use a pot either but that only poses a further etiquette/practical consideration (how many cups of tea before you switch from bag to pot)?
I am keen not to appear Hyacinth Bucketish.

Apparently...the only reason for putting milk in first is because tea used to be served in such fine bone china cups that the heat of the tea alone would have cracked the cup, but the milk took the edge off the heat. Its better to put it in second so you know how much you want.

Well that's why I put in in 2nd. The etiquette book said first because if the tea is really weak (coming out of a pot) then you can spot that really easily if there's milk in the cup already, and then cease your serving and wait until the tea has brewed a bit more.
So maybe Gothicmama is right with MIF with pot, MIS with bag.
But that means that my friend and I are both right which is such an unsatisfactory conclusion to the debate...I SO wanted to win!!!

milk in first for coffee

after for tea

ooh no with the coffee.

milk goes in first,always a china cup and the teapot should be warmed before making the tea.

Milk in first for tea, but second for coffee (esp instant coffee, as need the boiling water to dissolve the granules first).

Of course I drink my coffee black and don't drink tea at all, so what do I know ?

Flumpytina, if you want the full benefit of the anti-oxidants in your tea you shouldn't be adding any milk at all, either before or after pouring.

That simplifies matters, doesn't it

I don't drink milk, but if I did I would put it in second because that's what everyone else in the family does. I did read recently that tea might taste better if the milk is put in first because if you add second the first few drops of milk will boil as it hits the hot tea and that will give a slightly burnt taste. Sounds like rubbish to me. Was it Nancy Mitford who used to say that someone was a bit "MIF" as a snobby put-down?

If I'm making instant coffee I don't use boiling water, I either stop the kettle before it's boiled or I put some cold water in first otherwise it's bitter. If I drank white coffee I would be tempted to put the milk in first to prevent the bitterness.

From the books I have read if you were "frightfully posh" you wouldn't take milk at all.

dh puts it in first, I put it in second.

I am pretty sure that traditional etiquette states the milk in first. However, I would feel v pretentious if I put milk in first just for that reason. No point pretending I have good breeding when I haven't - that's the Hyacinth Bucket aspect I think.

I know that tea is much better if it is made in the hottest possible water. So that means that if it is in a cup with a teabag, you would need to add the milk second to avoid cooling the water and ending up with weak tea.

But if you have already 'infused' the tea in the pot, you are free to put the milk in first.

I have to say that making tea with a teabag in a mug seems so far from posh that the placing of the milk seems somehow irrelevant.

Thankyou to all, despite the overall consensus being MIF which of course is a huge disappointment to me as my friend has therfore won. I will have to admit defeat and now start drinking coffee in her presence as the taste of tea will be now forever tarnished. MIF or 2nd with that then ?

Wow , for once I am "frightfully posh"