Milk in First?? Etiquette question.

[Flumpytina]

Can any MNers out there give me the definitive answer to this most perplexing of questions?(and resolve an on going heated debate I am having with one of my best friends).
Does one place the milk in the cup pre or post tea ???
I am of the opinion that it should go in second, firstly because my Grannie told me off one day when she saw me putting it in second (she was frightfully posh), and secondly because of the practical consideration that you can adjust the strength of the tea more easily by varying the volume of milk added.
My friend contests that MIF (milk in first) is correct because of the historical context of protecting fine bone china cups from shattering by placing the milk in first to instantly cool the hot tea.
I was CONVINCED that my position is in line with good (modern) British manners when horrors, my mother gave me an etiquette book at Christmas and it clearly states that the milk should ALWAYS go in first.
So please someone with good breeding and an excellent answer (preferably in line with mine but I am open to being persuaded otherwise) respond!!

Milk should go in first if using a pot. If using a mug you are beingf common anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Colditz do you always use a pot...even just for you? I am very impressed if you do...that is a lot of respect you give to your tea!

No I don't always use pot, usually a mug - but if I am making tea for 3 or more, I will use a pot. It does taste better.

Milk in first, with proper tea served in little dainty china cups (if you can get any these days - they're closing all the potbanks down).

"proper tea": Loose tealeaves, made with boiling water, in a pre-warmed teapot. Don't forget the strainer, lol.

Tea in a mug with a teabag, milk in after.

Me, I have two mugs at a time, from a shared teabag cos I like it without milk and weak, lol.

Classy chic, me, hehe.

Whats wrong with that Flumpy? I always use a pot and loose tea. Taste better.

Oh damn I use a mug so am not posh at all what a come down

nowt wrong with that at all paula...was not being sarcastic, am genuinly impressed with people who do the whole pot/tea leaves/strainer bit especially when they are on their own...it just always seems like far too much effort and mess for just well...just a cup of tea. But maybe that is how I have come to be un posh...general lack of respect for my tea

milk in first - without a doubt. but strictly speaking you should first offer a choice between milk and lemon.

at the very idea of answering the question with regard to tea bags. don;t think you'll find many tea bag mentions in etiquette books.