Anyone ever had their children fostered when they go into labour and hospital?

[lilymum]

Just wondered if anyone has experience of this, or knows more about it. Really stuck wondering what to do with my 4 children when I have no. 5 next month - family all live quite far away and all have jobs that can't necessarily be dropped at short-notice, and friends all have families, commitments of their own.

I know friends who have had fostering mentioned in passing at ante-natal appointments, so wanted to find out more about it, if possible to see if it might be suitable for my situation.

Any midwives or even social workers able to shed light on this one?

can you look into temporary nanny ? or babysitting agency..they can do short notice care...

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Well I looked at becoming a short term fosterer a while ago, so it is certainly possible for exactly the situation that you describe (or if say you had to be rushed into hospital). I know that this is a stupid question but are you a single parent? Foster care wouldn't be the first option if the children's father were to be around.

Don't want to do homebirth as I have had post-birth complications in the past. Also, not sure neighbours would appreciate the amount of noise I tend to make...

No, I'm not a single mum, but dh's support at birth has always been enormously helpful. I also feel if there were any emergency situations or complications, I would want him to be there to fight my corner or at least be aware of what was going on.

I just wondered, because I have a friend who is married, and was having an elective c-section 2nd time round, and the midwife at one of her ante-natals had casually mentioned the possibility of her son being fostered if she needed when she had the new baby.

apologies to everyone who does a wonderful job fostering, but i think there is a stigma attached to having your children fostered for whatever reason - people will basically assume that you can't cope or have a lot of problems.

Is there no-one else that can go to hospital with you? how old are your children? wouldn't it worry them going to someone they don't know for a while, then you return with new baby?

even if your friends do have families or comitments of their own, I think it is extenuating circumstances.

Have you thought of a doula or another friend as birthpartner? I would imagine that it is quite hard to get a short term foster for 4 children tbh and ss would be unlikely to want to split them up and use up to 4 different placements as that would be a) diffcult to manage, and b) expensive (the foster careres do get paid!). It would be much easier for a single child.

I had a short term foster carer for my children when I had to go in for an operation a few years ago. I contacted my local social services and they helped me out.

Depending on the ages of the children: I would be tempted to get a temporary mothers help or nanny.

Have you mentioned this to your families they may well welcome the chance to be part of it!

Thanks for the info ladymuck. I'm seeing my midwife tomorrow, so might raise the subject with her. Always useful to try and get some initial info beforehand. Doesn't sound like it would be that straightforward, but was interested in how it might work.

I had thought about a doula, or getting in paid childcare, but tbh we don't have much spare cash, and don't have a spare room to put an overnight nanny in either if I need to go into hospital overnight. Would have to be a very good friend to subject her to the sight of my giving birth!

Divide and conquer is probably the way to go with the children, it's the logistics of trying to sort it out and find enough amenable friends happy to have an extra one over, and take to school the next day if necessary.

I am a foster parent and on several occasions have i looked after a mothers other children when she went into hospital,i even took the children into hospital to visit their mum.I dont think there is a stigma attached to you in this sort of situation.Not everyone has family or friends close by for this sort of help.I recomend you speak to your local social services and discuss it with them. xx

If your family are all working would you feel able to ask them all to chip in towards the cost of domestic help for you around your due date, in lieu of baby presents (I expect you've loads of clothes and kit anyway!) ?

mumo75, i think it's my own ignorance of fostering that led me to say that there is a stigma. obviously there are situations when people need a little assistance...

That's nice to hear mumo75. I'll have a chat with my midwife tomorrow.

does your local sure start have a doula?

mind does and her services are FREE

sure starts should also have a mother and baby support team, or community nursery nurses that could help with school runs etc.

My mum has fostered and on occasion had children whose mother was in hospital having a baby. However, there were specific circumstances - single mothers, alcoholic/unreliable fathers etc. I don't think there's necessarily a stigma attached to fostering in this situation.

However, in my area there is a major shortage of foster carers, and it would seem unfair to use up one looking after your children when many other children desperately need foster care because of abuse, neglect, or a major crisis. I might also question why the state shoud pay for someone else to look after your children when your husband could, although I understand you'd want him with you. Could you arrange for paid babysitter for the actual birth which would presumably give you time to arrange for friends or family to help out, along with your husband?

percypig, was looking for general info and not a lecture. As I said earlier in the thread, know of other mothers in similar situation to me who have had info regarding fostering given to them without asking at antenatal appointments, so was merely interested in finding out a bit more.

Scorpio1 thanks for that about sure start, I'll investigate that.

I wouldn't read too much into hearsay from antenatal appts. There may be other factors at work which your friends may not have spelt out (eg child already on "at risk" register, HIV status etc, or if the family already has a social worker eg where one of the children is adopted say). Fostering 4 children is a big deal, and isn't meant to be a straightforward alternative to arranging a babysitter.

Turns out I've stirred a hornets nest by raising this subject, and I really don't want to get into the wider politics of social services funding etc.

Ladymuck, there were no such extenuating circumstances in the case you mentioned, I happen to know the family very well. And I'm well aware of how big a responsibility it is looking after 4 children, whether in a foster arrangement or not. If I had an obvious straightforward alternative, then why would I be spending my time and energy posting on this thread?

May very well be that fostering is not appropriate, available or that we would be ineligible for it anyway. No harm in asking though, or so I thought...

Didn't mean to sound brusque. Just that I wanted info, not a personal opinion on why I should/should not be asking about this. Worked for social services some years ago, and know just how tight money for services can be.

I bet you .. just bet you .. that a friend would happily watch your brood for you .. or even a group of friends

after all if you're in labour at night they just need to stay at yours

I'd do it for a friend

have you tried to ask around?

sorry huge assumption there that friends are in 2 parent families and their partners can watch their own kids