Anyone ever had their children fostered when they go into labour and hospital?

[lilymum]

Just wondered if anyone has experience of this, or knows more about it. Really stuck wondering what to do with my 4 children when I have no. 5 next month - family all live quite far away and all have jobs that can't necessarily be dropped at short-notice, and friends all have families, commitments of their own.

I know friends who have had fostering mentioned in passing at ante-natal appointments, so wanted to find out more about it, if possible to see if it might be suitable for my situation.

If it were that easy twiglett - we don't have a spare room/bed, can hardly call someone up in the small hours and ask them to hop into the bed I've just vacated. Or maybe I should, just for comedy value!

My two closest friends, who I would normally call on both have young babies of their own as well as older children of school age. They're still doing night feeds, so not practical to ask them to camp out on my sofa at night. I'll definitely be looking into group of friends sharing my little loves between them if they can manage it, just I thought (in my innocence) that I'd look into this fostering thing that other mums had mentioned to me in the past...

How old are your children? could they each stay over at one of their friends houses for a couple of nights.. I have offered to have more than one friends child o/n whilst they go into hospital.

but .. I'd do it for a friend .. no worries

maybe you should ask / drop heavy hints

don't think you did anythign wrong asking about foster care personally .. but I also think they're right that this isn't what its for

can you afford a maternity nurse?

Sorry i havent read teh whole thread but are you single? could the father not care for teh children?

I know that every mother wants the father at teh birth but the largest responsibilty is to the children you already have.

My brother and I ended up in emergancy foster care when my mum had my brother. It was before the times of mobile phones and she couldn't get hold of anyone, we ended up going to the hospital with her and the nurse called SS to come and get us.

We were only with teh family a few hours until my dad was found (at work but not in his office) and i don't even remember it.

If this is something that you feel is a necessity then you can call your local SSD and they will be bale to discuss your options with you. it may be that there is a local alternative. I know that where i used to work there was a day time creche run for justthis reason. obviously it was more complicated during night labour's.

But be prepared to answer questions as to why you feel you need foster care. Unfortunatly fundingf is the biggets factor in these cases, foster care is not cheap and unless you wish to foot the bill you will need to convince the social worker that there is no other option.

Good luck with the birth

twiglett, just for the record, I happen to know of two families, both earning, both with no family anywhere nearby, who had fostering mentioned to them as a possibility. Neither chose to pursue the option any further which is why I have been unable to ask them for any more info. mum075 earlier in this thread said she has fostered children whose mums are in labour, so clearly, sometimes, it is offered as a service.

I thought maternity nurses were like au pairs ie. required proper beds to sleep in, even if we could afford one, which we couldn't.

There will be times during the week, especially the weekend, when friends will undoubtedly be the best option. Equally, of the people I have to call on, I know there will be times when it won't be convenient. Hence my thinking I'd investigate what other options (if any) I have.

Thanks mamazon, posts crossed, that's really interesting.

I was in a similar situation to you when I had dd2, although I only had one other child to look after. All my family were hundreds of miles away and I didn't even have what you'd call CLOSE friends in the town where I was living. My parents were prepared to drop everything to come and look after dd1 (who was only 22 months old at the time), but I knew that the journey would take them at least 5 hours and I didn't want to ring them in the middle of the night, as they are getting on a bit. In the end I asked dd1's nursery if they could help. (She was only there one day a week, so it'd have been really lucky if I happened to go into labour on that day!) They said that they are allowed to go over their quotas for numbers of children in emergencies (and this did count as an emergency). So I arranged that they would take dd1 if I went into labour during the day. Then I dropped very unsubtle hints to a friend who knew dd1 quite well but whom I'd ruled out as a possibility to ask to come over as she works full-time. She agreed to come over if I went into labour in the middle of the night and to drop dd1 off at nursery as soon as it opened in the morning. This is exactly what we did. Yes, I did feel a bit bad getting my friend out of bed at 5.00 a.m. (!) but she came over and drank lots of tea at my house (she didn't bother going to bed) till dd1 woke up, then she took her to nursery. Nursery kept her till my parents got there the following afternoon. I was out of hospital the same day. DD1 barely noticed I was gone! I don't know how old your children are (probably already at school in at least some cases, so this may only partially help), but it would be worth talking to local childcare providers to see if they can help.

SO odd to consider fostering.
Surely you can afford to pay for a nanny fo a couple of nights if you are considering rasing a child for 18 years?

your welcome.

As i say it is an option but it really must be viewed as a last resort.

I know we never like to impose but i really do think you should ask everyone you would trust to stay with your children if they could be called upon in an emergancy. I really doubt there would be many who would refuse....they have been in your situation as well dont forget.

It is usually only 1 night and although it would be inconveniant it is a very good reason.

You're right mamazon, I would only view it as a last resort anyway. I'm sure I'll end up doing what you and Ellbell have mentioned.

Wonder why on earth midwives have mentioned it as an option to these families I know when clearly it's not that straightforward.

agree with the freinds thing. we were stuck when dd came. no one to have ds and it was night time. he ended up at the bottome of the little boy next doors bed and went of to nursery with him the next day(the mum had said no to me but gave in when dh asked her. she thought ds would wake her son - he didn't)

I'm sure your friends would offer if you mentioned the words 'foster care.' No matter what my own childcare circs, I'd actually be upset if a good friend felt she had to use SS, not me, in an emergency. If you can liase 3 or 4 volunteers (or their spouses) and get them all in contact with each other, it needn't be much of an imposition on any of them. An adventure even!

I would happily sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag for a friend in this situation.

I've known one woman have her 2 older kids fostered for a week while she went in for an elective section.

Oi!

I know the thread has moved on lilymum, but I just wanted to apologise if you felt I was lecturing you, that certainly wasn't my intention! All the best with finding a solution to the problem, and I hope that what's been said helps.

a week but double at teh fact it was elective!

Actually if you were faced with a likely section then ss would prefer an elective. Elective just means planned rather than too posh to push! You can have electives for breech, placenta pravia etc.

I'm a foster carer. It is possible to put your children with a fc but ss would need it to be a last resort option because of the lack of carers and the cost.

Also a group of 4 would very likely be split up. I don't think there is any stigma in this situation. My 2 siblings and I went to fc when my brother was born, didn't bother us.