Opinions sought. Now pregnant, do we still get married and move house this year?

[AnguaVonUberwald]

OK, just found out we are pregnant, which is really good. But we are now going round and round in circles about what we were already planning to do this year.

1. Get married.

We had that planned for June. The thing is, I would be 7 months pregnant by then.

Options are:

a. do it in April - only 5 months pregnant by then
b. Wait till after the baby is born.

The thing is, I really want the security etc of being married before the baby is born but do we cheat ourselves by rushing the wedding, plus is it too much work/effort while being pregnant?
i.e. are we mad?

1. Moving house

DP moved in 8 months ago and we always planned to buy a house together this year. We currently live in a fourth floor flat, so not ideal for getting heavily pregnant me/ baby with buggy etc up the stairs (no lift). But it is very close to work and the new place will have a much longer commute for me.

Do we:
Get established in new place with longer commute for me/moving etc
Or stay in fourth floor flat?

Is it possible to do all this within six months? i.e. get married, move house and get more and more pregnant within the next 6/8 months or are we mad?

I would say that moving house is your key priority - definitely don't want to be humping babystuff up all those stairs - and as you get more pregnant you won't want to be walking up them either.

If you really want the security of being married, why not do it now? Weddings don't have to take months to plan - you just need the appropriate officials to be there. If it's the big celebration/party that you want, there's nothing to stop you having that later, perhaps when the baby has arrived?

But congratulations! And stop worrying!

small wedding, registry office? massive party / blessing / baby naming ceremony after birth?

I got married at 6 months, bought a house at 7 months... was fine. We had a small wedding, no (little!) stress. It was totally fine. xXx

congratulations - you are going to be busy!

we moved house 2 months before ds 1 born - it was very stressful - but we were in a 2nd floor flat and i virtually needed a winch to get upstairs by the time we moved. if you think you can find somewhere relatively quickly, and pref somewhere that doesn't need a load of work doing to it, i would do the move. whilst its hassle, on the upside being up the duff creates lots of opportunities to meet people in your new area. and you really don't want to have to do something so drastic shortly after your baby's arrival.

getting married - can you have a v simple small wedding? or would you be very disappointed? if you want the full works i'd wait until after the babe arrives - like at least a year after. we got married when ds was 8 months, it was relatively lowkey but still i felt the stress of it interfered with my enjoyment of my baby's first months. but i am a bit of a wimp stress-wise.

The house would be the priority for me, too. It's also a good 'security knot' - as long as it will be in both your names.

Does a new house have to be a longer commute?

If the wedding is really important (as opposed to the party) I would have a v small 'do' asap, concentrate on buying as house, asap, and then have a huge housewarming / baby celebration / delayed wedding reception at the end of the year, or even next year.

Having searched for suitable houses throughout an entire pregancy, then moved two weeks before due date, I would say either move now (in next couple of months) or wait until after baby is born. We lost three houses and lots of money (most of which we managed to recoup, fortunately) during our move, and I was climbing the walls with stress for pretty much all of my second pregnancy. We were supposed to have moved in by the time I was 5 months, but with so many different problems we actually moved 2 weeks before ds2 was born. Not good.

As for the wedding, it's up to you but If I wanted a big "do" I'd be tempted to wait until next year, or if I just wanted the security I'd have a quick wedding this year. You could always have a big party for your first anniversary.

I would aim to move house still

If you can bear to split your wedding plans then do that - we had a registry one at 5mths and then a big full on "proper" wedding when DS was 6 mths old

Thanks all, very good advice.

I think you are all right about the house. Its a bit complicated because we have to sell two flats, but we can always sell them both together and, if necessary rent in the new area for a few months, then at least we are there, meeting people etc and I am not climbing four flights of stairs every day.

With regard to the wedding, I think we wanted a bit of a "do". Not loads of people, but the full wedding dress/church thing etc.

This seems a lot to organise while pregant. The idea of having a small ceremony now and and the big celebration after the baby is born is great, but does it really happen? I just imagine you don't spend the money on it then, people don't feel the same need to come as its "just a party" etc.

So the obvious idea is to wait until after the baby is born - like you say, at least a year. But I am about to have a baby, for the first time, and I do feel quite stressed at the thought of not having that security/commitment for both of us. plus it protects DPs rights to the baby if something happens to me etc.

it will happen if you want it to happen!

it would take a whole load of pressure off - you could have a church blessing and a full on party and i'm sure everyone would recognise it for the important occasion that it is. and depending if you're bothered about such things you wouldn't have to think about wanting to lose weight or find a wedding outfit that you can breastfeed in....

Have a private civil marriage now (come on, it'll be fun sneaking about like secret agents) whilst sorting out move. I think if you want to be married it's a good idea to do it before you have kids, saves a whole load of paperwork for mortgage and baby registering not to mention the security if the worst happens to one of you.
Next summer have big church blessing in dress with big party (maybe at your new home?) with baby bridesmaid/pageboy. You can also do a housewarming/christening if there are too many guests for one event (inc new neighbours and mumfriends.)

Our 2nd wedding was a wedding in everything bar the legal sense - we had vows, a frock, dinner, disco etc

I think it's a bit naff to have the wedding once the baby is there. It kind of announces to friends we are only interested in show and money and appearances so I would suggest you just get on with it now. We and my family arranged our church wedding with about 8 weeks notice which was fine, no problem if you don't make a massive fuss about it. It's the moving house bit which may well take more than 6 months.

I would do the wedding now too - tbh there is nothing much to do when you are pregnant is there?! Just buy a few bits and pieces and wait 9 months. Trying to organise it with a new baby, now that's another matter...

(congratulations btw!)

hmmm, divided opinion there. Countessdracula - good point, aren't you my wedding coordinator anyway? how about it?

If we go for it in the next few months, how much work is actually involved in planning a wedding?

I kind of feel it shouldn't be that much work, should it?

You have to find the venue and dress.
choose the menu.
Get a photographer, flowers, car, etc - OK its a lot of work - but I have got the next nine months free!

I guess the amount of work depends on how bridezilla you become and how perfect you need your dream day to be if you know what I mean

Confetti.co.uk has reams of info

Hi we are getting married in March it will be less than 4 months in planning, a small church do. I am planning it with the stress of having 4 dds etc etc etc etc I would def say get married sooner and enjoy it - you can make it child free and sophisticated, best idea I heard of was booking out a small restaurant for the evening can be much cheaper than a hotel etc.

Moving house is stressful but I'd just get on and do it then it's done.

In the meantime try to enjoy your pregnancy!

I got married (the first time) when I had a 3 month old baby, my first. I found it incredibly stressful organising it, even though it was only a reg office and not that many people (a hundred ish) because I wasn't used to being a mother and was still in shock really.

Then I moved house when I was pregnant with dd, my second, when I was 36 weeks pregnant and it was no big deal but she was my second and I think that made a huge difference, I just had to get on with it. Because we were SO desperate to move we didn't necessarily make the best decisions I now think, with the benefit of hindsight.

And I lived in a flat first time, up 80 odd stairs and had a massive pram. It wasn't ideal but neither was it the end of the world. So in your position:

I'd get married first. If you aren't married and marry after your baby's born you may have to re register the birth to confirm that your baby is 'a child of the marriage.' It's no big deal but if you're going to get married anyway you could do it sooner and save yourself the hassle and stuff.

Then I'd put the flats on the market and see what happens but not worry about commute etc since you will presumably be on mat leave for a while. You might find once you factor in childcare etc you prefer being near work to having more space, you don't know really until you know what your arrangments for childcare will be. Unless you're having a nanny but even then your priority at the end of a working day may still be to get home quickly.

So I'd marry, put flats on market and wait and see about where you want to live once you've got used to a baby etc.

Probably contradicting everyone else, sorry, feel free to ignore, obv!

Moving house is important if you've lots of stairs. I'm 20 weeks at the moment and moved house8 weeks ago and am moving again next week. (Had to get temp accom). However; I'm really pleased that I'll be settled when the baby arrives.

How about doing the legal bit of your wedding now, if you need the security and have a religious ceremony later. Speak to your priest/ minister but it shouldn't be a problem. The "important" part of a church ceremony is the religious part, not the signing of the register. You don't even have to tell anyone that you already did the civil part.

Plus, even if you're only 5 mths pregnant getting married... What if you're retaining water and have sore swollen ankles etc? Might ruin your big day and you could be very tired if you leave it later.

Good luck

OK, thanks for all input so far, going to go and discuss with DP. Keep em coming.

A lady I met at antenatal swimming got married quietly in her 8th month of pregnancy. Then did it again with the party when her dd was a year old. She reckons she had the best of both worlds.

I think it would be easier to get married and move house pregnant than with a small child.

If you think getting married is a lot to organise when you're pregnant, then don't even think about waiting until afterwards
Seriously, you won't have enough time, you will be knackered (more than when pg i would suggest) and it will be a whole different thing once you are parents. Do it now while you can still revel in it being about the pair of you!

Would then just get on with the process of moving which can take ages and ages - how would you feel about finding a rental to live in after you've sold your flats, then you can take your time looking for the right property. You may well find your priorities and lifestyle desires change a lot once the baby is here....

I got engaged and married in 4 months it is not that hard - I wasn't pg, but I just made desisions and stuck with them. None of this faffing around over colour schemes etc. I had 180 guests in a cival ceremony in a stately home. No sit down meal - as it just isn't me Live band, beatiful cake, flowers done by MIL.

Basically I would buy a wedding magazine (then ignore all their 'timings' but this gives a list of things to decide on. Firstly a dress. Give yourself one or two max days to find it. Make appointments (for an hour each time) as as many wedding dress shops as possible (locally) Then take your mum (or trusted friend) Bear in mind at 5 months you won't have an hourglass figure, so look for dresses with floaty panels at the front. Get an idea of the shape you want and then only try on this style of dress. Also find a local seamstress they will do a great job and be less stressed about the bump size.

Choose your bridesmaids wisely, they can ether help or be a royal PITA

Buy invitations in WHsmiths or M&S, or use the internet.

Don't sweat the small stuff - who gives a fuck if there are sugared almonds or whatever at every place, and thatthe exact shade of the bridesmaid dress matches the napkins. Keep it simple, go for white and more white (or ivory) and then the bridemaid will go whatever colour she weras.

Don't waste money on daft waistcoats for the groom and ushers, nice button holes and trad morning dress is cheaper/quicker

Look at magazines, choose what you want, use the internet, but don't get bogged down by it all.

Some venues do it all for you, inc disco, flowers, food, music, etc etc - look at one of these a;; in packages, could cost more, but be less stress.

Well Angua I could be commissioned to organise it all in January as I am free!

It would be possible, why does it matter if youare 7 mths when you get married. I am very much a believer in carrying on as usual when prg so I would so things as you had planned, it may take you a bit longer and you may need to rest more but there is no reason for things not to happen as you wish (have only read op)

Yes, do it whilst you are PG, it will be easier than when you have a young baby. Moving house - yes I would do that as well, if it was just the one flight of stairs I would have said it would be OK, but I think 4 flights of stairs and a non-walking child will be a complete pain.