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Original poster

dp is having the snip tomorrow and i just want to cry

52 replies

agalch · 13/12/2006 12:45

Which is really bloody stupid

I have 4 lovely children and don't actually want anymore,but i still feel kind of funny about it iykwim.

Plz tell me theres someone else who has felt the same.

Don't really know what else to say about,told my mum who laughed and said i was off my head feeling like this.

OP posts:
myrrhthamoo · 13/12/2006 12:48

Doesn't sound stupid to me. Knowing and and feeling it are two different things - it's like a little process of grieving you have to go through - for those babies that are never going to be. And I think it's hard to accept that that part of your life is over - even though you 'know', logically, that it's the right decision. I shall offer my perennial advice in times of emotional strain: eat chocolate, drink wine - and have a little cry.

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 13/12/2006 12:49

Not stupid at all - you are now entering the next phase of your life together as a couple/family.

Hope all goes well for him. My dh had spectacular bruising after his! (perhaps don't tell your dh that till afterwards ...)

yulemoonfiend · 13/12/2006 12:50

my dh had snip 3 years ago with my total agreement and support. And it was fab - life changing for a while. But I still get tearful now holding other people's babies, knowing I'll not have another. Think it's normal reaction.

SherlockLGJ · 13/12/2006 12:50

Moo beat me to it.

Nothing else to say really, wish my idle bugger would hurry up and get one.

Only idle on this subject you understand,just in case he is lurking.

NAB3 · 13/12/2006 12:51

We are talkiong about my husband having the snip next year but..

paulaplumpbottom · 13/12/2006 12:53

Are you sure you don't want anymore?

gigglinggoblin · 13/12/2006 12:53

i have told mine if he doesnt get round to it soon i will be doing it for him and i mean it, surely it cant be that difficult

Original poster
agalch · 13/12/2006 12:54

Thanks i am crying as i type cos what you both said is exactly how i feel.Knowing i will never be pregnant,give birth,breastfeed(all of which i loved doing)is sooo hard.

My children are 17 weeks 2.5, 11 and 15 so i suppose i'll be too busy to cry too much.

btw starmum,i had to giggle at the hospital letter advising him to take tight undies for afterwards lol.

OP posts:
NOELallie · 13/12/2006 14:28

I felt the same. Only let him do it in the end because DS#2 had been a mistake and we really really didn't want anymore. Still hated it.

Mind you, wait a few hours for when your DH's anaesthetic wears off and you won't be the only one who's crying....beleive me!

Original poster
agalch · 13/12/2006 16:21

lolololol NOELallie

I feel a bit better knowing others have been through this.I know if i said to dp not to do it he wouldn't and he would have more of a family.But we are both spread thinly round our kids as it is so must get it done.

Will try to remember how lucky we are and enjoy my fab children.

OP posts:
StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 14/12/2006 08:59

Just tell your dh to take the painkillers that he will be given. My stupid dh decided he wanted to see how painful it actually was!

The tight underpants are definitely a good piece of advice, and it helps to minimise the John Wayne walk!

TheHockeyandtheIvy · 14/12/2006 10:16

ah love you - this is exactly what I posted on her in July before my dh had the snip. Have to add that he was exceedingly p~~~ed off that I was miserable about it when he was the one going through it. BUT it is a big deal for both of you. I think the hard bit is the finality of it, not really that you would like more, just the finality of knowing that you wont.

It does get easier and there are certainly bonuses of no contraception!! I think I'll feel worse again when close friends have more babies but I know I dont want more.

Chin up, have a cry when you need to and find a sympathetic ear to listen to you (doubt your dh will be concerned for you and he'll expect lots of his own tlc).

hugs x

crazycanuck · 14/12/2006 15:42

my dh had the snip last week and even though we are absolutely certain that we don't want anymore dc's I still felt a bit of a lurch when he had it done. so I fully emphathise with you! I agree with the eating lots of chocolate advice and am also greatly looking forward to not having to worry about contraception.

and the subsequent bruising is quite a sight! make sure he takes his painkillers and wears his 'tighty whiteys'!

Original poster
agalch · 14/12/2006 18:45

Well tis all over

When i picked him up from the hospital he was teary eyed and obviously upset.It is nice that he is feeling like i do.I feel better about it today now it's done.

Will concentrate on our wedding in April.That should keep me busy lol.

Thanks again all who made me feel better xxx

OP posts:
prettymum · 14/12/2006 18:58

agalch sending you loads of {{{{{{{{{hugs)))))))))

Judy1234 · 14/12/2006 20:19

My ex husband nearly did after 5 children. In fact it was quite funny - his GP called me about the appointment thinking I would know all about it (he hadn't told me). Then he never bothered to get round to doing it and then we divorced. I am so pleased for him. It is very possible he could remarry someone about 30 who would want her own children. What if your 4 all died. Wouldn't you want any more? Have you made arrangements to freeze sperm just in case?

Judy1234 · 14/12/2006 20:20

Oops didn't read the bit about it being done. Anyway if you're widowed there are always other men. It's your husband who has lost the chance to have any more of his genetic children, not you.

NotAnOtter · 14/12/2006 20:24

xenia you really are lovely ' what if all four of yours died' so sweet

magnolia1 · 14/12/2006 20:29

Very tactful Xenia

sarahhal · 14/12/2006 20:29

Glad you posted that Notanotter as I fumed but then ran away ( as usual, big coward)

Original poster
agalch · 14/12/2006 20:54

Jesus fucking christ!!!!!

xenia do you how utterly horrible i felt when i read that post?

If god forbid my children died do you really think i could just have 4 more to replace them?

if you don't have anything sensible to add don't bother in future.

OP posts:
crazydazy · 14/12/2006 20:59

My sister also said the same thing when my DP had the snip .....as if you would ever be able to simply replace a child that has died which is what my sister meant am sure.

We have no regrets whatsoever about DP having the snip.

Nemoinapeartree · 14/12/2006 21:00

I hate when people say the what if your DC died thing..FFS its not like you will go oh I know seeing as all my kids are dead I will have more!!!! MY dh and I are currently debating him having the snip as have a 3yr old, dd is 1 on sat and due again in 4wks. We both would like more kids but it is not financially viable etc and doubt it ever will be.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2006 21:09

I don't understand this, 'What if he remarries someone and she wants her own children?'

I mean, couldn't an ADULT man in charge of his own body say, LOOOOONNNGGG before any relationship got serious enough to consider marriage, 'Sorry, but I'm done having kids. That part of my life is over. If that's what you're looking for, look elsewhere'?

'Oh, but you don't chose who you fall in love with'. BS! Maybe not when you're 14, but when you're old enough to have made a decision about your reproductive health, you certainly can!

I get so sick of this argument against sterilisation, which I've found incredibly common here in the UK. It's insulting to men.

And to their partners and spouses.

And then, of course, the argument that if your children die, you'll want to spawn others to replace them.

WTF?!

Sometimes this place just makes me shake my head.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2006 21:11

Agalch
My dad had the snip, my sister's husband had the snip, my FIL had it, my ex h had it (having NEVER had kids. And you know, he met a woman who never wanted kids, either. In fact, when he was dating, he made it VERY clear to women that he'd been sterilised by choice and they were barking up the wrong tree if they thought he'd change his mind on that), and an ex boyfriend of mine.

NONE of them regrets their decision.

I hope your partner heals well and you and he can look forward to moving on, enjoying your children and looking forward to the new stage of your life as a couple.