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Original poster

dp is having the snip tomorrow and i just want to cry

52 replies

agalch · 13/12/2006 12:45

Which is really bloody stupid

I have 4 lovely children and don't actually want anymore,but i still feel kind of funny about it iykwim.

Plz tell me theres someone else who has felt the same.

Don't really know what else to say about,told my mum who laughed and said i was off my head feeling like this.

OP posts:
Peridot30 · 14/12/2006 21:14

Dh and i have agreed that we dont want anymore however 'the snip' is so final so nothing been done about that. So are we both kidding ourselves that we dont want any more or what?

expatinscotland · 14/12/2006 21:16

If you feel that way about the snip, Peridot, it is NOT for you. It must be something you are 100% sure you never want children again, b/c reversal is not always successful, and sterilisation should always be considered a permanent option.

Original poster
agalch · 14/12/2006 21:58

Thanks for that expati am glad to hear you know people who have not regretted it.

I am also glad that others have posted thinking xenia was a bit mad posting the what if my 4 children died.

My dp has been fine today,went to library with dd1,washed dishes and bathed both dd's,asleep on sofa so going to give him 2 pain pills and send him to bed.

he is a star really,so glad i'm marrying him in April

OP posts:
3Ddonut · 14/12/2006 22:11

My dh is having his tomorrow, I'm also quite sad about it as I would have loved to have 4 children (have 3), I had bad pg's each one getting worse, and we're very financially in the shit, and we've no more space and I've a pregnancy test waiting for me in the morning - oh what a tangled life we weave!!!

Original poster
agalch · 15/12/2006 08:25

Oh 3ddonut (((hugs))). Let us know how the pg test goes.

OP posts:
3Ddonut · 15/12/2006 09:59

Hello!!!

Thanks for a nice response!!! I was half expecting people to start the 'you shouldn't be doing this if you think you're pg' argument. The test was negative this morning, I believe AF was due yesterday but I've only had one since my dd was born 6 months ago, I flip dramatically between feeling as though AF is going to come any minute to be absolutley convinced I'm pg???!!!!! It's infuriating, so no answers yet, I think that it's unlikely that I am, but then there's these odd symptoms.... besides the fact that I feel nauseous (although that in itself is not uncommon for me it's been slightly different and more frequent) then there's the needing to pee every ten mins, then there's the slight breast pain, then there's the fact that I was the only one who thought that all of my tea tasted odd last night and then there's the odd stomach pains......and then there's the mad temper and usual cramps!!!!!!!

3Ddonut · 15/12/2006 10:01

Sorry, that was all about me how are you feeling today? How is your dh? mine is really freaking out!!! He had diazepam last night and he's got another to take an hour before, he's convinced he's going to be bed bound for the whole weekend (not that that would be much different really!!!!)

Original poster
agalch · 15/12/2006 17:10

Hi 3ddonut

Are you gonna do another test? How did dh get on? Only thing dp is complaining of is his stitches pulling a bit.
Am feeling fine today anyhow,suppose there will always be a lingering regret but i think i could have had 10 babies and still wanted more.

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 15/12/2006 17:32

I am sorry. I didn't want to upset you.
One reason people don't have these operations is in case their children don't survive and they want more. So they would often store sperm to covber that. I didn't know he'd had it done as I hadn't read that post until after I'd put mine on. Sadfly I know people whose children have died and my own sister died as a child. It's my worst nightmare but I would definitely want more if they did die. We do shy a bit too much away from death though don't we, hide it, don't think it would ever happen etc perhaps too much.

tortoiseBells · 15/12/2006 17:34

at 'if you're widowed there are always other men'.

tortoiseBells · 15/12/2006 17:36

agalch I totally understand why you would feel strange about it - it's an emotional thing isn't it. Don't think I could let dh do it, even if it was the right thing and time to do.

3Ddonut · 15/12/2006 21:15

He got on fine thanks, no stitches!!! micro-key-hole surgery! He is doped up on painkillers though, I think the relief that it's over is the best thing for him though!!

I suppose I should do another test.... I'll leave it a couple of days though (til we get more money!!!) I really think that I'm not, and that my cycle is just still settling back down.

NorfolkTurkey · 15/12/2006 22:28

I watched my DH being 'done'. DIdn't intend to but the Doctor asked me if I wanted to and I thought - errr ok then!

expatinscotland · 15/12/2006 22:42

Well, I figure, DH watched me give birth twice, including once w/forceps, so what's a few glances between the legs between spouses?

BuffysMum · 15/12/2006 22:54

Just wanted to add that I would like dp to have the snip in the future but not yet as should anything happen to me or some/all of dc at the moment I/he would like to have option of easily trying to have more children. Again this from close family & friend experience (one man having to have it reversed etc) so I think Xenia's point was valid but perhaps just not well put.

No other dc could replace what I have now but having the choice to have other dcs shouldn't be underestimated. I think when you lose a child it is often natures way to move forward to have more it's not the same as replacing them!

Hence in a way that is why it's such a big emotional deal to have it done. I will cry buckets if/when dp has the snip even though it won't before I time that I say no, no matter what the future holds I do not want the option to try again to have more babies of my own. I really hope I get to that point sooner rather than later due to contraceptive issue and the fact we are so very fertile!

Glad the ops so far seem to have gone well, think I will need to sell the idea to dp that it will be worth the risk of something going wrong!

Kristingle · 15/12/2006 23:04

agalch - I was sterilised one year and two days ago!!!!! and i feel still sad that I wont have any more babies. Even though I HATED being pregnant AND giving birth (though like the BF).But I dont regret it and am sure it was the right thing for us as a family.

And before you ask Xenia, if my husband and all my (remaining) children died i still wouldnt want to have more

Original poster
agalch · 15/12/2006 23:49

I honestly don't see how anyone could look at their dp/dh or their dc,and think if you died i would want another

I don't know how i'd feel if something happened to my family but does anyone.I only know that when i look at my family atm that i'd never want to have another dp or other children.

Kristingle,thats how i'll probably always feel too.Although dp and i would have loved to have a bigger family i want to have the time to spend with the family i have now.

3Ddonut,glad your dh is ok and recovering.good luck with the next test and hope you are ok whatever the outcome.If you don't mind let me know how you go.

Tortoise.i would never have been ready iykwim but if he hadn't done it i would have had more kids and we really can't.

OP posts:
3Ddonut · 15/12/2006 23:56

Thanks agalch, I'll let you know as I know, I'm suspecting that mother nature is playing games with me this month! I feel that I'm not going to have one at all now, but also that i'm not pg, what with the negative tests n'all, well life throws these things at you from time to time, the surgeon was saying 'are you pg' me: no, him
'when did you last menstruate?' me: about 4 weeks ago him: 'you're not pg?' me (less sure now) no...... well a negative test is all they'd go by....

How's hubby tonight? My hubby, not happy in his sleeping pants and doped to the eyeballs!

Original poster
agalch · 16/12/2006 00:04

Oh poor mr 3Ddonut lol.My dp has had no pain at all.He says its like having been kicked in the balls and they ache a bit.

i suspect even if i'd had 10 dc i'd still feel like this.But i have a fab dp and fab dc so i will not mope!!! It's almost xmas after all.Then i will be very very busy thinking about my dress and favours(yawn yawn) for the wedding lol.

OP posts:
mozhe · 16/12/2006 00:32

I had a sterilization at my twins prem c.section 7 months ago, at the time I thought it was the best idea ever...although my obstetrician tried to dissuade me,( he himself had lost a child unexpectedly at birth...in fact during a c.section..).Almost immediately afterward I regreted it...i have since had it reversed, I hope maybe to have another child,( I have 5 already ), but even if I don't I feel better in my self...Could you try another type of long term contraception if you feel a bit iffy about it still ?

kama · 16/12/2006 00:35

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Message withdrawn

NotAnOtter · 16/12/2006 12:56

AGALCH - HOW ARE YOU?

Original poster
agalch · 16/12/2006 13:01

Hi Notanotter

Feeling ok i suppose.Def better now it's done.Just feel sad now and again but we will get through it together.We have each other and we have our dc so thats a helluva lot.

OP posts:
NotAnOtter · 16/12/2006 13:04

great - often the anticipation is worse than the event
glad you are feeling better
x

3Ddonut · 16/12/2006 21:05

Hi agalch, glad to hear you're feeling better about all this. When is the Wedding?! Mr 3Ddonut is feeling much the same as your dp tonight although he has spent the day in a drug induced smog in bed!!!!!