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Original poster

God this time of year's hard...

46 replies

Dottydotthehalls · 05/12/2006 20:24

Sat here feeling miserable and just need to get it out of my system.

Keep thinking about ds1, who's 5 on Thursday. He wanted a party at a soft play centre but it was going to work out at about £120 so we had to tell him we couldn't afford it and he's taking a friend to a miniature railway thing instead. He was fine about it, but he's so little - but so grown up and solemn and I keep thinking about him nodding and trying to understand. I said his brother would also have a little party for his birthday in April, and then ds1 could have a soft play thing next December and we'd save up for it.

Ridiculous really. He's going to have a fab birthday, is getting tons of presents - he's had 5 parcels through the post already! I've started saving for next year already (Thanks to Oliveoil who ages ago recommended getting one of those tins you can't open!), but I just feel so lousy at this time of year - birthdays and Christmas - because I can't provide everything I'd really like to. I'm the breadwinner and have got a good job, but it's not enough - it sees us through 'ordinary' months, but nothing to spare and therefore no savings for December.

Sigh. Right, am done. Don't usually get down so putting it all here gets it all out of my head and I can go and do something useful like exercise off the chocolate I've just eaten...

OP posts:
Nemoinapeartree · 05/12/2006 20:28

aww dotty you have my sympathies..I have a little boy who was 3 in oct and was desperate for a party but I couldnt afford it as also have DD who is 1 on 16th dec and am due no.3 on 14th jan and we live on a very tight budget as it is. I am hoping to start saving from jan[although not 100% sure where money will come from] for their birthdays next year.

Original poster
Dottydotthehalls · 05/12/2006 20:32

it's terrible isn't it? I'm being so pathetic just sat here crying - I'm not even pre-menstrual! I hate letting them down. Must keep putting money in the money tin (no tin opener to go near it until next December!!)

OP posts:
charliecat · 05/12/2006 20:36

I have 2 dds whose birthday is on the same day, and up until this year they have always had a party.
They were 6 and 9 a couple of weeks ago, and I just didnt mention the word party at all, and neither did they and it just didnt happen
There was no money for one, and that was it, im not sure if they had gathered this by all the, "We cant, were skint" conversations that go on.
I am saving in one of those tins
I am saving to pay off my mum the fortune I owe her.

charliecat · 05/12/2006 20:37

Please dont cry

ledodgychristmasjumper · 05/12/2006 20:39

You are not letting them down Dotty they have family and love and although that sounds cheesey it's true. It is that that they'll remember when they are older not what presents they got. They will remember Birthdays because of who they shared them with not how expensive their party was.

ledodgychristmasjumper · 05/12/2006 20:39

The same goes for Christmas.

charliecat · 05/12/2006 20:40

Yep, very true.

nutcracker · 05/12/2006 20:41

Oh don't cry, it is the situation for alot of us this year me included.

I feel awful as Dd1 had a party at a soft play place when she was 6 and so last year Dd2 wanted one but I couldn't afford it and this year I couldn't afford it either, she is having a friend round for tea and thats it.

Heard her telling someone today that she has never had a birthday party

At the end of the day though his day will still be special as will my dd's and they will soon forget all about the softplay centre.

Original poster
Dottydotthehalls · 05/12/2006 20:50

I know. I'm just being daft... Am cheering up a bit now.

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TEEstheCEEsontobejolly · 05/12/2006 20:53

My 2 girls have birthdays on 17 & 19 December and I can't afford to give them the birthday parties I'd really like to. I should start saving for something special for next year now too. But there is never enough left over at the end of each month as it is. I wish they had summer birthdays so i could just chuck a bouncy castle in the garden, winter birthdays are so hard, and expensive.

JackieNoHoHo · 05/12/2006 20:57

Dottydot and . Can you remember any of your birthday parties from when you were a child? I'm thinking back, and I can't remember any at all. What I do remember is a tradition that my mum brought with her from Germany, where she's originally from, which was that for breakfast on our birthdays, she went out into the garden before we were up, and decorated round our place at the table with leaves and branches, flowers (if there were any around), and lit a candle in front of the place. So what I'm saying, is that the memorable bits aren't the bits that cost money - it's the bits that all the love has gone into.

Spicedfennelwine · 05/12/2006 21:04

oh Dot

I still feel bad that dd1 didn't have any sort of 6th birthday party as we moved 250 miles the week before her birthday so didn't know anyone. And she did mind a bit.

they do get over things though surprisingly easily. Can you think of something cheap or free that he really wants to do instead (as well as the railway trip?).

Original poster
Dottydotthehalls · 05/12/2006 21:14

I can remember parties we had at our house - games like pass the parcel and pin the tail and they were fab, but now it seems every child has these sodding soft play parties which are great, but expensive!! I'm only being soft 'cos ds1 was so good and understanding about it, even though he'd talked for weeks beforehand about having one - going through who he wanted to invite, etc...

I know it's the other stuff that's important, and he'll have a fab day on Thursday and then on Saturday at the railway thing (you know where I mean Fennel!). We've also said he can go to that penguin film when it's out, and take a friend, so he's not doing so badly!!

Right. Self pitying session over - thanks all for the lovely posts which have made me feel better. I'm off to exercise!

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Spicedfennelwine · 06/12/2006 09:41

I like the home parties best. That's what we usually do, though this year dd2 had a soft play one as we moved house on her birthday and hadn't known which house we'd be in to host the party (but did know we'd be in a dreadful state). I really missed all the preparation and do-it-yourself-ness of making the food etc.

I believe it gets easier as they get a bit older and want fewer friends to the event, less of the whole class invited sort of thing.

Original poster
Dottydotthehalls · 06/12/2006 09:46

Yes, I think the soft play thing seems the thing to do as the reception children who have already turned 5 are doing this at the moment. Although one of his best friends is having his party next week at Macdonalds!! I'm feeling much better today - had lost a bit of perspective last night - lots of other much more important things to worry about. And ds1 came downstairs this morning and on his way to the kitchen picked up the savings tin, shook it (it's got about £4 in so far!) and said, "that's my birthday party money for next year". Aarrgghhh!!! Really will have to keep saving!

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SparklyGothKat · 06/12/2006 09:54

I hate this time of year, DS' birthday is on the 19th and I can't afford to do a big party for him, like his sisters had earlier in the year. We are going to the cinema with one of his friends. Christmas is hard anyway and this year is harder. I feel so sorry for DS as he would love a party, but I just can't afford it. He is getting one present from us (a ps2 game) that is a preownedcopy from Game. He will be happy with it, but I can't help but feel guilty.

Original poster
Dottydotthehalls · 06/12/2006 10:00

I think we should have some clever biological thing that means we don't have December babies - it's too tricky! Ah well, at least we can purge some of the guilt feelings on MN..!

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SparklyGothKat · 06/12/2006 10:02

DS wasn't due till jan 15th, but came early!!

Spicedfennelwine · 06/12/2006 10:03

[smug and probably inappropriately irritating emoticon] from mother of March, April and August babies.

Original poster
Dottydotthehalls · 06/12/2006 10:08

ooh - that's pretty perfect! Have to say we've been working out when we might TTC IF we go for number 3. Would like quite like a September baby, but what's the betting it would take a few months and we'd end up with another December one..? (not that we've decided to go for it yet - it would be madness - can't afford the two we've got..!)

OP posts:
Spicedfennelwine · 06/12/2006 10:11

september means you'll be paying an extra year's childcare for them before they hit the magic age of free schooling.

if you are considering financial issues. august babies will be cheaper. and also so many people are away for their birthday that you can invite the whole class, safe in the knowledge that only half will be around to come.

Pruni · 06/12/2006 10:16

Message withdrawn

ledodgychristmasjumper · 06/12/2006 10:17

April Birthdays are the best imo as it means they aren't too young or too old to start preschool the September they are three. Also April Birthdays often fall in the Easter holidays so this avoids having to invite the whole class every year. Also the weather is not to hot or cold when you are in labour and you have lots of sunny months ahead to take the newborn out in the pram for walks. See, perfect!

themulledSNOWMANneredjanitor · 06/12/2006 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spicedfennelwine · 06/12/2006 10:21

dot I only have your home email not your work one - do you access that one at work? or can you email me?