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Original poster

He wants to marry me!!

70 replies

Twinkie · 12/05/2004 15:05

Had huge row with DP on SUnday night about him not being sensitive to me when I am going through all this - he thinks I want him to get onwith life like normal - I do but not the the extent that he goes down the pub saturday night and then out to play golf all day on sunday - anyway all sorted now but we had our first ever proper row and I screamed at him that I don;t feel like he loves me and wants to be committed if he behaves like this - and guess what he screamed back saying that I was stupid he would not have gone through what he has with me since we met if he did not love me and then he said that if he could make DD his so we were a normal family he would and he would drag me off to the ring shop and buy me a huge ring at the blink of an eye and then off to the churh - he said in fact I would have married you the minute I met you - I would love to get married - I always have wanted to!!

And I said nothing diddly squat - can you believe it - I told him when we first met that I would never get married again but I would love to!!

Thing is I don;t want to ask him - I want him to do it and be all romantic!!

GGGRRRR - why do I have such a huge propensity to fuck things like this up - how do I tell him I would marry him without me doing the asking - thought maybe during childbirth - telling him that after going through this he better ask me to marry him - what do you guys reckon??

OP posts:

Helsbels · 12/05/2004 15:10

Twinkie, calm down! He's been scared to ask or even mention it with all that's gone on - he's been labouring under a misinterpretation of what you said. Don't let the past ruin the future - it sometimes takes a good row to clear the air and get it all out there. Swallow it and tell him you love him and would be honoured to marry him, tell him the truth that you never thought you would feel like this about anyone but you do. Don't make light of it after labour, don't make light of it at all - make the most of it hon, and be very, very happy {{}}

eddm · 12/05/2004 15:17

Aaaaaw. Twinkie, I know you are frustrated that you didn't say what you wanted, but isn't he lovely?
He has, in fact, asked you but you were so flabbergasted you didn't know what to say. In a way, it's your turn now! After all, he's laid it out for you and may be scared to bring the subject up again ... he might think you really don't want to get married since you didn't say 'me too' on Sunday.
I haven't got any bright ideas, but maybe you could bring the subject up again? Take him out for dinner and hint? Tell him that you were really touched by what he said?
Or maybe make a gesture ... silly, but maybe get something daft like a wedding cake decoration and put in a box tied up with ribbons and leave it somewhere he's going to find it? Or leave a wedding magazine lying around (very unsubtle).
Good luck!

Original poster

Twinkie · 12/05/2004 15:24

Oh my god - do you think that was a way of asking me then - god I am soooo stupid - should have jumped up and siad ooohhhh lets get married then but I was a bit angry with him and flabergasted!!

Thanks guys - will have a big think - or maybe rope BF in to mention it in a drunken kinda you've got her pregnant now you are going to have to marry her YES SHE DOES WANT TO MARRY YOU!! - way

OP posts:

Janstar · 12/05/2004 15:25

Twinkie, sweetheart, . I had just the same situation with dh when we were in the early days. We were both divorced and sworn off marriage, but as the days and weeks went by I knew he was the one, and decided I did very much want to marry him. Trouble is he didn't know I had changed my mind so we ended up with scenes like you just had. He talked all the time about having kids with me but never once mentioned marriage and I felt so insulted, like he couldn't commit to me but just wanted to rent my womb .

Well as soon as he realised how I felt and had a few days to think about it all, he said, let's get married, at which point I said I wanted to be sure he really meant it for himself, so he asked me every day for a week and on the 7th day took me to a nice restaurant, ordered champagne and asked me again.

Took me a bit longer to get a ring out of him though Men don't think about this sort of thing much, they don't realise how much we need the romance as well as the commitment.

Ask him if he really meant the things he said, that will get the conversation going and give you a chance to explain how your feelings on the subject have changed.

And I want to come to the wedding!

smellymelly · 12/05/2004 15:27

Ahhh! How lovely.. there are some good men out there. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!

SpringChicken · 12/05/2004 15:40

I swear to god, reading the first few lines of your post made me think i'd written it and forgotten Exactly the same thing happened with me at the weekend, the pub, the golf the not caring and being understanding, even the marriage thing came up but that was on my part rather than DP's.

He clearly loves and adores you Twinkie - i think everyone in mumsnet land knew this along long time ago - he sounds like a truely lovely bloke - i think you should just ask him if really meant what he said on Sunday and if he did then tell him that you would love to marry him one day and as & when he is ready to propose he can be sure the answer will be yes.

Feel a bit teary now

SpringChicken · 12/05/2004 15:44

Janstar - same with the first paragraph of your post apart from we haven't married previously.

We have been together 4.5 years, live together, own our house with a joint mortgage, baby is well and truely on the way but DP thinks marriage is too much.

We are only young so it doesn't bother me too much but i just don't get his mentality - i picked a brochure up from beaverbrookes at the weekend and have conveniently left it lying around - i swear, even if i circled the bleeding thing & wrote in permanent marker that this is the one i want, it still wouldn't register with him

marthamoo · 12/05/2004 15:48

Marry him, twinkie!

Just say "yes" - and when he asks yes to what, you can say "well, I think you asked me to marry you on Sunday night, didn't you?"

Then he's done the asking, you've done the answering, you can go out and buy a ring!

Kayleigh · 12/05/2004 15:50

Twinkie, get down on one knee and ask him before that bump gets too big and you can't get down there anymore

Helsbels · 12/05/2004 15:59

don't get bf to do it - be brave do it yourself - tell him how you feel - start this marriage off honestly and in a strong way. See the wood for the trees, hon and tell him yes, please!!! {{}}

Helsbels · 12/05/2004 16:00

btw, I have been there and I am talking from honest personal experience - we had our first anniversary last month and it's been the happiest year of my life. First marriage was the worst 5 years of my life. Go for it, Twink

slug · 12/05/2004 16:03

Mention the argument then say "If you ask me nicely I'd say yes"

bunnyrabbit · 12/05/2004 16:06

Oh Twinkie,
How wonderful.. just say '.. in response to your kind proposal of Sunday last, the answer is most defnitely YES!' and let him work the rest out.....

Oh god I'm welling up again....

If you need any help organising the wedding just give me a shout!

lou33 · 12/05/2004 16:40

Twinkie, print this out!

champs · 12/05/2004 17:49

how lovely!! TWinkie take the advise and give him an answer so you wont be asking... don't leave it though as maybe he will get the wrong idea and think you dont want to marry him.

What a heart warming post, sounds like a movie.

champs · 12/05/2004 17:50

as you can see I was so excited I made many errors!!

Lisa78 · 12/05/2004 17:55

Ooooh Twinkie, this man of yours sounds yum, after everything you have been thru

Let us know what happens won't you?

sunchowder · 12/05/2004 17:56

Ah Twinkie! Just logged in to see how everyone is doing and this is wonderful!!!! You could always leave him a note on the pillow....a heart that says I Will or I Do, or....what was that you asked me on Sunday? Sometimes humor helps when you are terrified. All the best to you Twink! He sounds very delicious! Maybe....I could eat you with a knife and fork or.....we could get married instead?

Original poster

Twinkie · 13/05/2004 09:17

Thanks Chaps - is his B'day soon so am going to ask him if he meant it when we go out for our swanky dinner - can't wait - been grinning like the village idiot all night - oooohhhh can't wait you can all be my virtual bridesmaids.

(Helsbels - I will be brave I promise!!)

OP posts:

Janstar · 13/05/2004 09:27

What do you mean, virtual. I am off to buy a new hat right now

papillon · 13/05/2004 09:29

I think you should tell him that you would like him to propose and that you love it too be all romantic and a suprise - maybe write him a card - so that you don´t discuss it and get all technical.
I knew that dh and I had to get married for me to stay in Switzerland - but told him I wanted a romantic proposal etc.. and it was!

NomDePlume · 13/05/2004 09:59

LOVELY Twinkie . Agree with those who've said tell him how you feel.

(WSM + new moniker)

bloss · 13/05/2004 10:19

Message withdrawn

Metrobaby · 13/05/2004 10:33

Twinkie - when I read the title of this post - I hoped it was started by you. Your DP sounds so lovely. Another vote from me to tell him yourself at the right moment. Be honest about the way you feel and the rest will be easy.

SoupDragon · 13/05/2004 10:37

Write "marry me" across your bump?

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