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" There are few successes more unendurable than those of our close friends. "

49 replies

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:24

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Raggydoll · 22/11/2006 20:26

yes - p*sses me right off

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:27

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morningpaper · 22/11/2006 20:28

Yes

A close friend inherited 1 million and I can barely speak to her without turning green and vomiting through jealousy

foxinsocks · 22/11/2006 20:29

doesn't bother me - I'm very pleased for my close friends

I think some of them think I'm a bit of a loser for not striving to succeed like they have done though

think this oft annoys dh (and his close friends)more than me

handlemecarefully · 22/11/2006 20:32

What a hideous sentiment.

I don't generally do envy - especially in relation to my close friends

chocolatequeen · 22/11/2006 20:32

I can see the point he´s making, although wouldn´t agree exactly. I would guess that most people at some point have felt a little twinge of something when friends are on a high, although I would imagine that it is tempered by the love you have for those friends. Similar to the age old argument that mothers will always end up jealous of their daughters´beauty, youth, freedom, opportunities etc.

handlemecarefully · 22/11/2006 20:34

I don't buy that one either Chocqueenie

morningpaper · 22/11/2006 20:35

but

INHERITANCE

it's not like they've earned it

(I am just wild with envy because we have no elderly relatives that aren't already dependent on us)

ParanoidAndroid · 22/11/2006 20:35

"unendurable" is a very strong word to use. I might have a fleeting thought of "oh b*gger why isn't it happening for us" or whatever, but certainly not an unendurable thought.

However, BEFORE my breakdown, I would have been all-consumed by, not jealousy, but thoughts of my own utter failings.

Tatties · 22/11/2006 20:35

We hate it when our friends become successful
And if they're northern that makes it even worse

morningpaper · 22/11/2006 20:36

and also

all the people at university who are now well known academics

and ehre I am covered in shephere's pie with my knackered perineum

damn it

THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!

bran · 22/11/2006 20:36

I saw that on TV and really enjoyed it, I must read it too.

I'm happy for my close friends' successes and don't really get that envious of anything, which is odd as I was quite an envious child. It does rile me when people are not modest about their success and think it's all down to them being superior to other people or don't acknowledge the role of luck or contribution of others to their success. But then I would never be close friends with that kind of a person anyway.

Gobbledigook · 22/11/2006 20:37

I don't agree.

I'd have a pang of 'ooooh, wish that was us' but otherwise would be just really chuffed for my friend.

Chandra · 22/11/2006 20:38

Would this be based on the idea that friends are people similar to us but by becoming so fortunate they are no longer as compatible with us as they were?

I think I have felt envy(the real angry why-you-and-not-me feeling) just once in my life, I felt like knocking myhead against a wall to bring myself to my senses, couldn't believe I could be envious of such a stupid insignificant thing

WideWebWitch · 22/11/2006 20:39

Ooh, I fancy that book, is it good? I disagree and agree. Wrt material things/status I have an awful lot of friends with enormous mortgage free houses and I'm sometimes envious of them. Otoh, one of them has a husband who's a tosser, another whose husband left her, another finds having 3 children hard work - they all have something less than perfect in their lives and I am very happy for them on the things they're happy about, like their big houses, absolutely, whilst recognising that no-one's life is perfect and that I have a lot of other things they don't have. And if my friend x is happy with her tosser dh, then who am I to question it?

I sometimes feel envious that they have got to x place and I am still struggling along on y plane, mainly because I sold my flat to be a sahm and so I don't even have a mortgage. And for a 40 yo middle class working woman that does make me the odd one out among my friends, many of whom have long since paid it off and own second houses as pension funds.

But I recognise, absolutely, that things are meaningless and I regularly and often count my intangible blessings: a happy marriage, 2 lovely children, a decent income, my health and that of my family, etc etc. And I don't think I'm as driven by status and ownership of things as some people so in a way, no, it doesn't bother me, other peoples material success.

I guess what I DO envy is other success, professional and personal fulfillment success. I envy those who work at a job they love or feel passionate about (I feel neither about mine) or those who are highly successful in their fields. I always thought I'd work in a creative field and have the sort of job people envy because I thought I'd be a writer or artist or actress or something extrovert and high profile and/or famous when in fact my job is low profile and tedious beyond belief.

Interesting subject.

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:39

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Gobbledigook · 22/11/2006 20:40

But MP, if you imagine yourself in that life, without your children, you wouldn't like it would you? That's not a rhetorical question btw.

I have moments where I think what I could be earning, what perks I'd have and how we'd be seriously loaded and able to go anywhere we wanted on holiday etc - but I know I'd be damn bloody miserable because actually all I really ever wanted was children, and I'm incredibly lucky to have them where so many other people aren't.

I think though, the death of my boyfriend at the age of 26 has changed my outlook on things so much. Everything is good because I'm here - enjoying being married and having a family - he'll never have it. So I'm happy beyond belief with my lot and anything else is just a bonus.

Am waffling, I know.

morningpaper · 22/11/2006 20:42

Pruni no, my friend does not lord it over me

But it's hard when money is AN ISSUE and you see your friend in big sports car - when you are worrying how to pay your parents fecking leccy bills, never mind your own

It's just plain ole' jealousy

expatinscotland · 22/11/2006 20:42

I hate Alain de Botton.

I prefer the Tibetan proverb, 'A friend's good fortune is a blessing.'

Gobbledigook · 22/11/2006 20:42

Basically I agree with www but she is more eloquent than me!

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:42

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/11/2006 20:43

Quote of the week "all the people at university who are now well known academics

and ehre I am covered in shephere's pie with my knackered perineum"

For your newsround MP?

foxinsocks · 22/11/2006 20:44

oh yes I agree www - I am always very intrigued and I suppose a little bit jealous of people who have a real passion for their work.

morningpaper · 22/11/2006 20:45

phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttt

you see, you are all FAR more mature than me

I want to be like you when I am grown up

for now I will sit here and mumble jealous things

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:47

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