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" There are few successes more unendurable than those of our close friends. "

49 replies

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:24

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WideWebWitch · 22/11/2006 20:49

Pruni, that theory would go part of the way to explaining the success of sites like Friends Reunited wouldn't it, because those were our peers in our formative years and we want to see how they're doing and to compare ourselves. And remember some woman said in some study (hmm, honest she did!) how peers influence children FAR more than parents or almost anyone else. So maybe it never goes away. Although I honestly AM pleased for my friends when things are great for them, I'd be a pretty shite friend if I wasn't. I really genuinely am happy for them.

expatinscotland · 22/11/2006 20:50

I had a boyfriend who was really into Alain de Botton. In his wannabe, psuedo-poncey ignorance, he thought Boptton's tennets were a substitute for real education and independent thought-process.

He was a twunt extraordinnaire.

WideWebWitch · 22/11/2006 20:51

Pruni, I like pop- books, like Freakonomics (pop economics, not as dull as it sounds) and The Tipping Point and so on.

Chandra · 22/11/2006 20:52

Pruni, I agree very much with you, I don't feel that either but considering how many people try to find a way to drop you from your cloud in order to join them in their misery, I might say he has a point (though, having not read the book or heard of the autor before, I might be totally wrong )

CountessDracula · 22/11/2006 20:52

oh no I LOVE it when my friends do well

really truly

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:52

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handlemecarefully · 22/11/2006 20:52

Oh my goodness Gdg - I didn't realise that you had gone through a trauma like that in your twenties. Must have been awful!

WideWebWitch · 22/11/2006 20:52

Sorry about the friend Pruni (but it sounds fascinating, can you tell us more or will it be too obvious? she said, in gossipy fashion)

boboggglimpopo · 22/11/2006 20:53

I met an old schoolfriend in town this weekend who is currently househunting in Chiswick - she said that she was going part time and they had had to revise their price range. I thought it was going down as she was earning less, but in fact it was going up to £1.5 millionas they couldnt find anything they liked round the million mark.

I was envious for a millisecond. But I would far rather have my much lower income and hoardes of kids than her huge empty house with just her and her dh rattling round in it - after years of trying for a baby.

But she paid for the coffees

Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:53

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Pruni · 22/11/2006 20:55

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Chandra · 22/11/2006 20:56

Ahh, and for all of those who envy people who have jobs they love, well they are fortunate but when they lose that they feel more miserable than any others who have not experienced that feeling. So... as WWW said, every one who has something you may like lacks something you may have. (well probably not the way she put it but anyways..)

CountessDracula · 22/11/2006 20:58

ggg have you hurt yourself? Why the bobo?

ilovecaboose · 22/11/2006 21:00

no cos it used to f*&king piss me off when people did it to me.

Something nice like that happens to my friends and I am pleased for them

boboggglimpopo · 22/11/2006 21:02

It was on the bohemian thread and haven't got round to changing it back. Am gloriously unscathed. Did you have a nice meet up darling?

CountessDracula · 22/11/2006 21:05

Oh yes v nice, a tad LOUD for an ageing vampire, couldn't hear what anyone was saying so I just guzzled cocktails and danced ti was fun

How's thing with you? had any massive successes that should make me fume with hatred recently?

boboggglimpopo · 22/11/2006 21:07

Nope. Sfa unfortunately.

WhizzBangCaligula · 22/11/2006 21:14

All my close friends are as hopeless failures as me, so the problem doesn't arise.

pointydog · 22/11/2006 21:45

If you are a competitive person, this might be true. I suppose all it means is that you fall into comparing yourself with the people you see the most and identify with. And if they get a big promotion, pay rise, inheritance, whatever, you might think 'that should be me/I wish it was me'.

I prefer Martin Amis 'never underestimate the pleasure people get from others' misfortune' or something similar.

iwouldloveadollypleaseSanta · 22/11/2006 22:15

i love it when friends become successful but somehow they can't be bothered to stay in touch as are far too important..........

expatinscotland · 23/11/2006 11:48

Sorry, Pruni, it's not Alain de Button's fault my ex is a twunt.

wanderingstar · 23/11/2006 14:23

A variant on the envy theme is this little tale. To cut a long story shoert, friend A - high standard of living, lovely home etc., became bafflingly jealous of friend B because B's dh, after a very lean period when they were on their uppers in a tiny flat with 3 small kids, made a bit of money out of a small business investment he'd made a couple of years previously. The money came from his own skill and was totally legit - not dodgy share dealing or anything - but it A's reaction, not jealousy so much as rage really baffled me and I think a little less of her today for it. A already had everything and more that B and her dh were then able to acquire - decent house, better car etc., but above all a bit of financial security after a rather hand to mouth existence.

UnquietDad · 23/11/2006 14:34

Don't go on Friends Reunited. People make it all up, you know.

chocolatequeen · 23/11/2006 14:51

WWW, there´s a good book by Julian Baggini (spelling?), called ´The pig that wants to be eaten and other thought experiments´ Sounds good, it´s on my wishlist

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