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Original poster

I'm sorry, I rarely swear, but why is everything so FUCKING hard?

49 replies

earlgrey · 22/11/2006 08:52

From not getting her socks on (too small) although I've taken to getting her a new pair each day.

Uniform's too warm.

Hair is 'having a weekend'.

The list is endless. She's eight. I thought by now it would be better, but it seems like I can only imagine what a teenager might be like, several years early.

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/11/2006 09:00

i didn't understand that post.

it reads like you get your 8 year old new socks everyday.

she complains her uniform is too warm and that her hair is too messy.

if this is the case i would take her to school with no socks on

tell her to shut up complaining RIGHT NOW

and cut her hair

PrettyCandles · 22/11/2006 09:05

Perhaps she's unhappy at school. Perhaps she wants some unrushed mummy-time dedicated to her. Perhaps she's testing the boundaries.

Original poster
earlgrey · 22/11/2006 09:06

Custy,

Hair is in a bob. She wouldn't let me brush it this morning and refused to do so herself.

I get 5 pairs of black socks from Sainsbury's for £3. If they've been washed, she won't wear them.

TBH I didn't wash their uniform last night, so this morning it was a bit warm from the dryer, but nothing to make dd2 complain.

I despair. I really do. Every morning is the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
earlgrey · 22/11/2006 09:08

Tried the no socks just shoes routine this morning and she was having none of it. The really irksome thing is that when I leave her and get dd2 ready, H will just come down after his shower and she'll do it for him no prob.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 22/11/2006 09:20

Powert games, then. Nothing wrong with the uniform, she just wants attention. So give her some, but not over the uniform.

saltire · 22/11/2006 09:23

I had similar problems with Ds2, i have taken him to school in his PJ's, without socks, without a coat and without his sweatshirt because he wouldn't put any of them on. I am a bit shocked that you give her a new pair of socks everyday though. Perhaps if you start ignoring the behaviour, because she can obviously see that it is wearing you down. Have a word with her teacher, tell her that she won't wear socks, brush her hair etc, and that you are going to try and send her to school without these things having been done.
You say that she will get dressed for Dh/Dp, well then let him get her sorted, ignore her and conentrate on dd2.
Not sure what else to say really.

Crackle · 22/11/2006 09:27

I think that I'd remove myself from that situation.

My kids have a simple list along the lines of get dressed, eat breakfast, wash & do teeth, brush hair, coats on, go to school.

At 8 she really should be doing all that herself. I've taken both of mine to school half dressed before. They only dawdle once.

As for the socks thing, how can an 8yo dictate that she will only wear new socks? How long has that been going on? I know some children with sensory special needs have a 'thing' about textures, is that the case with your daughter?

ishouldbeironing · 22/11/2006 09:29

Im not sure if this will help - but one of my DTS
can be v. difficult and overly fussy particularly regarding clothes.
Anyway we have started her on a course of fish oils and we have noticed an improvement in her moods - she has gone from being a nightmare in the mornings to dancing in the kitchen!!
I ran out of them last week and noticed a deterioration in her behaviour - maybe worth a try ?

TinyGang · 22/11/2006 09:35

When mine play up in the morning I just say - ok do what you like but you not me will explain to your teacher why you are late/ scruffy/ in the wrong clothes etc. The threat has worked...so far. Maybe let her just face the consequences?

I have also threatened very short hair cuts when my girls won't sort their hair out. They prefer to brush it themselves cos they say I pull too much. I could never really have their hair cut though for that reason. I think they know I'm bluffing on that one.

Mine all love clothes warm straight from the dryer

soapbox · 22/11/2006 09:47

I think you are being played for a fool!

WOn't wear socks once they've been washed

I'm more than happy to help mine get ready in the morning if they need chivvying up - but if one of them was arsing around and made us all late for school and work - then I would make sure that they were made totally aware that was not going to be tolerated.

No treats, no outings, no after school play dates or clubs, early to bed - every day until the message got home!

Bozza · 22/11/2006 09:47

It sounds like you are spoiling her really with the new socks everyday and the clothes at just the right temperature. Although I don't understand why you put the clothes in the dryer if you didn't wash them.

I would put her in the bathroom with her clothes and tell her she is to stay there until she is dressed and then wander off. I have similar issues with my DD but she is 2 not 8.

DumbledoresGirl · 22/11/2006 09:49

She isn't a teenager. She is 8 years old. Just tell her what you want done and make her do it. Who is the parent here?

Gillian76 · 22/11/2006 09:52

I don't know how anyone could justify a new pair of socks every day.

I am having similar problems with my 5 year old. It's just attention seeking with her because she wants me to dress her. Soution is, for us, clothes hanging up in her room the night before. She get up, puts them on herself or there's no breakfast. Seems to work.

And if her hair's in a bob, I'd give her the brush and tell her to get on with it. It won't matter too much if it's not carefully groomed.

Sorry to be blunt, but I think you need to stand up for yourself a bit.

NotQuiteCockney · 22/11/2006 09:55

Sorry, am PMSL at the idea of new socks and clothes at the right temperature. Is your child perhaps some sort of hip-hop superstar? I hear they don't ever wear the same clothes twice ...

Seriously, give her positive attention at some other time. Stop using new socks every day. Geez.

lou33 · 22/11/2006 10:01

i used to have tears with ds1 every morning before school, with similar things

he used to CRY because the seam at the toe of his socks had an extra bit at the end, telling me they hurt his feet, exh used to indulge him and cut them off

i told him if he didnt get dressed and get ready by the time we left he was going as he was, even if he was naked

after a few close calls where he really believed i was going to follow through , he has been fine since, and is now the least hassle of all the kids in the morning

ssd · 22/11/2006 10:05

NQC, pmsl. I read david beckham doesn't wear the same sox twice either!

sorry to sound rude earlgrey, not directed at you!

I have an 8 yr old too and they can (and will) drive you daft, min couldn't get anymore attention from me and they still do it......

essbee · 22/11/2006 10:07

Message withdrawn

marymay · 22/11/2006 10:47

what do you do with all the socks? throw them away?

she is eight years old! i would make her get on with it.to bad if she goes to school looking a mess.

Pruni · 22/11/2006 10:56

Message withdrawn

controlfreaky2 · 22/11/2006 11:03

have you read "how to talk so kids will listen....." look it up on amazon. v good imo.

Tortington · 22/11/2006 11:08

i would bet my eldest childs right kidney - that going to school with no socks on for a few days and with bed hair will have her riduculed so much that she will wear her socks and brush her hair.

i understand some people dont like shouting - although it is my staple discipline technique - however i think its time the parent exerted some control - surely you have to see earlygrey that this situation is not normal. your the parent regain control.

Bozza · 22/11/2006 11:12

at custy and her staple discipline technique.

controlfreaky2 · 22/11/2006 11:14

eg, have just seen your other thread re filing cabinet....dont know any background re you and dh but if you are having real problems with him this may be part of reason behind dd's challenging behaviour.... some children are v sensitive to tension / unhappiness. if she is worried that may make her more difficult / demanding... just a thought

DumbledoresGirl · 22/11/2006 11:22

I don't think she does know she is the parent here pruni. If she did, and acted on her knowledge, she wouldn't have this problem in the first place.

McDreamy · 22/11/2006 11:31

Ok so following on from my "parenting course" on Monday this would be their advice......you get down to her level, get and maintain eye contact with your hand on her shoulder you say to her "I would like you to get dressed" (or whatever it is you want them to do) when she comes up with excuses you don't get involved with her arguement so come back with phrases like "I understand but I want you to ........" if you keep this up they guarentee it will work, not had to use it yet but good luck if you choose to give it a go!!

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