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Original poster

Just found 10 yr old DD has been looking at porn

31 replies

whatashock · 21/11/2006 22:40

I'm so shocked. She obviously doesn't know that everything is in history. she left herself logged in and I was using the PC, forgot she was logged in and went to history to find something I'd googled for. Found she had typed in big tts, lesbion (yes spelled like that), fck, cm , pnis & v*gina. I then looked at the results and there were anhy number of HIDEOUS pictures it brought up. Things even I was shocked to see. I really don't know what to do. I've been meaning to get Net Nanny for ages, but haven't got round to it. Now I feel completely responsible, guilty and feel like she's somehow had her innocence taken away. Although obviously she's come across these words somewhere (at school I imagine). I really don't feel I can talk to her about it (or anyone else in RL for that matter). I'm tempted to just get Net Nanny to stop it happening again. Have changed Google preferences to safety setting for the time being. What would you do?

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 21/11/2006 22:41

why don't you feel you can talk to her about it?

Original poster
whatashock · 21/11/2006 22:41

PS have changed usual MN name for obvious reasons

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Bananaknickers · 21/11/2006 22:43

Don't panic. It's not o.k but I remember looking at my dads porno mags at this age because I found them.I was curious.I would spek to her about it.Some one with advice will be here soon.

Nemoinapeartree · 21/11/2006 22:43

I would talk to her and think it is quite normal for her to be intrigued not in porn aspect but more in a finding out about the body and some grown up things type of way. My sister was around 10 when she did this although she did it via my mums work computer which is why it was flagged up to my mum..she really was just wanting to know what people were talking about in school/look at womens changing bodies.

controlfreaky2 · 21/11/2006 22:45

you definitely should talk to her.... why not? because she will be embarressed? because you will be embaressed? will you not talk to her about other difficult subjects when she's a teenager?? she's only 10 and you are the adult to help her make some sense of this.... then get nannynet fast! dont feel bad about it.

magnolia1 · 21/11/2006 22:45

She is at the age where she knows certain words and terms but doesn't understand the full meaning ect... Sounds like she typed in the words out of curiosity but he trouble with the internet is it then throws all these fecking images at you
I really think you should talk to her. She may be quite shocked at what she saw and probably a bit scared too

frumpygrumpy · 21/11/2006 22:48

I sort of feel that it is good to know where her head is. I can't remember what age I was when I started wondering about this stuff (around the same I think, found a pack of dodgy playing cards of my dads) but I guess you know now. Its not that bad in itself (but awful to feel your little girl is growing up), its just curiosity and maybe time to look at her differently and maybe buy some books to leave about.

AitchTwoOh · 21/11/2006 22:48

tbh if the images frightened you, she's probably terrified herself. you really do need to talk to her. it's probably nothing more than curiosity, but she might have seen more than she can handle.
can't you just say 'sweetheart, i found something on the computer and i don't know how it got there.'

dmo · 21/11/2006 22:48

my 10 yr old did this just one word but then showed picture to his younger brother

i was so upset i sent him to stay with his nana because i couldnt look at him

after 2 days he came home and we talked

he knew i was deeply hurt and upset, this was in june and we disconnected the internet downstairs and dh and i just used the laptop

only just reconnected pc and homework was the main reason but we time 30mins each per day with me in the room

Original poster
whatashock · 21/11/2006 22:52

Not sure I can take that approach as she'll probably just deny it. I can remember seeing porn as a child at a friend's house,and the image has stayed with me. As you say she may be frightened, but it appears that she's done this on three separate occasions, so it can't be that terrifying. She's been having problems at school lately with her best friend of five years ditching her, so am wondering if she's trying to get info to "impress" other kids and make new friends (as she's quite babyish compared to some). I'm not good at talking about sex and stuff - I've been putting off the whole periods issue too, althought I know I'll have to do it pretty soon. thanks for the advice, I know I should approach her about it, but it will be so embarrassing for both of us..

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Original poster
whatashock · 21/11/2006 22:53

dmo - I know what you mean when you say you couldn't look at him, that's how I feel at the moment.

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Original poster
whatashock · 21/11/2006 22:55

Also, just wanted to point out that on each occasion it's been when I've been out and DP has been bathing DS - usually we're in the room when she's on the PC. Won't let her have internet connection on her PC.

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AitchTwoOh · 21/11/2006 23:01

being frightened doesn't preclude going back to look again, you must speak to her, really. it might come as a relief to her.

frumpygrumpy · 21/11/2006 23:10

try to put yourself in her shoes, try to remember how you felt at this age, try to realise she is going to grow up regardless and its better with your support and being on her side.

I remember my mum mumbling stuff about periods and I got embarrassed because she was and I so desperately wanted to ask questions but neither of us could handle it. I do not want my dd to feel like that.

She's not done anything wrong. I think there must be good books out there that explain some of this stuff in a way that (a) she can read happily and (b)that might give you words and ways to present this information to her.

(Will the nannynet thing stop access to the dodgy sites but retain all the useful ones? i.e. if she does a search after typing in penis, will she still have access to sites that would be informative?)

nearlythree · 21/11/2006 23:16

I agree, she's trying to find out stuff and just because she's seen awful things that won't stop her going back. She must be very haunted by what she may think is normal for grown-up women to do. My guess is that she's heard these words at school and wants to keep up rather than because she wants to show off.

Tortington · 21/11/2006 23:19

i can't help thinking its not their fault - its like leaving the mags around and expecting them not to look at them - having a computer without a net nanny.

Stargazer · 21/11/2006 23:28

What a shock indeed!! However, you really do need to talk to your daughter. She's obviously looking for information and it would be much better coming from someone she loves and trusts. Rather than some horrible pictures on the internet. I speak from experience - my DS - searched for t*ts when he was 8½ - and got some shocking pictures (we got net nanny pretty quick after that) - but I have always answered any questions from my DS (now aged 10½), as honestly as I can. Sometimes his questions were quite embarressing, but I answered anyway. I would echo other comments about getting net nanny - soon.

Saturn74 · 21/11/2006 23:29

I agree with Custy.

AitchTwoOh · 21/11/2006 23:35

that's true, custy. viewed from that perspective she's really done nothing wrong at all other than attempt to satisfy her natural curiosity.

when i was 11 i looked up masturbation in the dictionary because i'd heard people talking about it. i was none the wiser afterwards so i had to ask my mum in the end, and i think that the way she handled it was excellent. just really calm and talked to me about growing up.

Original poster
whatashock · 21/11/2006 23:42

couldn't agree more about net nanny - have been meaning to get it for about the past two years... I thought that her using our PC with us around would be safe enough, but obviously not. I will try to to talk to her tomorrow - maybe have a glass of red first though to get me over the embarrassment. Actually it could end up being a good thing, as I've been trying to think of a good way to approach the whole "sex" thing, so maybe it's not all bad..

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Fattymumma · 21/11/2006 23:46

she is 10, learning about sexuality and sex in general. she is curious about all things adult and she has infront of her the biggest easiest way of finding out all she wants to know.

no doubt some lad at school came in telling all about how "if you type in XXX it shows you pitcures of..."

i doubt it is anything more than her curiosity and no restriction on what she can do.
its the same as looking up the word cunnilingus in the dictionary when your 10 ( i giggled for days)

get net nanny (immediatly) and have a non comital chat about sex and porn. don't necessarily mention that you know she has seen anything but just discuss how porn is used or your feelings on the matter etc

Original poster
whatashock · 21/11/2006 23:58

does anyone have any recommendations for good sex education books btw?

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LadyOfThePoinsettias · 22/11/2006 00:13

i remeber the first time i saw this type of thing. i was older than your dd but i cant remember how old.
i remember being very shocked and uncomfortable. even maybe felt a little bit dirty for looking at it? hard to explain.
the images kept going round in my head and it wasnt nice.
i would deffo speak to her about it.
dont know any books though sorry.

LadyOfThePoinsettias · 22/11/2006 00:15

i agree it sounds as if she is looking up words she has heard and wants to know more.
there is nothing worse than being at school and someone says something like that and you dont know what they are laughing about.

wetweekend · 22/11/2006 02:37

No internet in my day, but I do remember frequently looking up most of those words in the dictionary or encyclopaedia. Thankfully I was only presented with a factual explanation and maybe a diagram, not porn.

I really think you should talk to your dd about what you found, just a friendly 'I found something on the computer and I'm not sure how it got there' type of thing. I agree that if you were surprised by what you saw, she is likley to be very shocked. She probably found out far more than she bargained for. Sounds like she needs a bit of a talk followed by an 'I'm not angry with you' hug. And NetNanny.

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