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Original poster

How would you react if SIL said no presents for each other this year, lets just buy for the kids?

73 replies

northerner · 19/11/2006 22:13

This is what I said to SIL tonight on the phone.I have this arrangement with my friends, everyone has kids and it gets so bloody expensive.

Bil/Sil's income is about 10 times that of ours (no joke) so we can not possibly buy them anything they don't have. I said very nicely, it's getting very expensive, lets just buy for the kids.

Her reply 'Well if you don't want to buy us anything that's fine, but we'd still like to buy for you'

OP posts:
Californifrau · 19/11/2006 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyGothKat · 19/11/2006 22:15

I NEVER buy for the adults... xmas is for the kids. I do buy for my cousin who has no children, but we have a £5 limit for each other.

iota · 19/11/2006 22:15

my brother and I stopped buying for each other when we both were out at work - whcih was many yrs ago - we buy for each other's kids though

moondog · 19/11/2006 22:15

Mine has.Was delighted.
Accept what they offer Northerner and do it with no guilt.You've made your point.Some people genuinely enjoy giving.

CrocodileKate · 19/11/2006 22:15

We only buy for the kids.

LadyOfThePoinsettias · 19/11/2006 22:16

mine too, and us too, delighted.

WhizzBangCaligula · 19/11/2006 22:16

I'd say "great idea. Let's go out for a nice meal instead or get together at home (if babysitters are difficult) and have a nice evening".

Sigh at someone not accepting it. But in that case, let her buy you something and fume for the whole of next year about you not buying her anything. Sigh again.

fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 19/11/2006 22:16

Yep, hubbys sis did the same last year. I have 7 sibs and lots of nieces and nephews... so we only buy on birthdays, not xmas. But last yr SIL still bought to us, even after I told her we weren't buying to may family or Dh's, that it was just too expensive, but we would go to town on the birthdays etc... she made us feel like shite... came up here with a brown photoframe all wrapped up making us feel like the poor relatives, in the end up dh wrapped a tin of shortbread and give them that..but this year we won't be giving them anything

Heathcliffscathy · 19/11/2006 22:16

me and my sis have. think it is a really good idea tbh.

busybusymum · 19/11/2006 22:17

we only buy for kids too.

Original poster
northerner · 19/11/2006 22:17

How can I not buy for them, knowing they will buy for us? I just can't.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 19/11/2006 22:17

I think that's fine. After all, for you it's expensive, but maybe for them it isn't. Just like you, why shouldn't they spend as they see fit?

brimfull · 19/11/2006 22:17

we decided to do this years ago,fine by me.
Maybe she's already got for you.I just wouldn't buy for them,she'll give up ion the end.

WhizzBangCaligula · 19/11/2006 22:19

I guess if you feel self-conscious about not buying for them, you could just buy something under a fiver.

The thought that counts and all that.

Saturn74 · 19/11/2006 22:19

DH and I never buy for our siblings, and they don't buy for us at Christmas.

We'd all rather spend a little bit extra on the children.

Saturn74 · 19/11/2006 22:19

Could you buy them a boardgame as a joint family present instead?

Original poster
northerner · 19/11/2006 22:20

She requested a cook book as a 'token' gift.

OP posts:
fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 19/11/2006 22:20

No Northerner, don't do it. 'Cos the same thing will happen next year again..and the whole cycle will be repeated. Maybe if she sees you are serious this year then she will stop?

SIL has no kids so I think she thinks we buy to my neices and nephews...seeing as there are 18 of them she really should know we don't In fact I buy to a total of ten people for xmas..and 3 of those are my childminders kids.

Moomin · 19/11/2006 22:21

is about right, northerner. I've done the same this year with all of our friends, but we've also specified no presents for the kids either. Most were relieved to tell the truth but one or two have been a bit 'surprised' shall we say (in other words they think we're being a bit silly and somehow depriving the kids). We'll be buying for our own kids of course and the grandparents and close rellies will so I figure that's plenty of presents. I think however you put it, your SIL is going to be a bit put out by your suggestion by the sounds of it, so you need to decide how you're going to deal with that - either grin and bear it and stick to your guns (would it be very awkward when it comes to exchanging gifts and you having nowt for them?) or relent and buy something for them, albeit a smaller gift this year?

I think I'd stick to my guns but there again I'm a mardy boot and it wouldn't bother me not to have any gifts for them if I've already explained why. If you do feel uneasy maybe you could make them a cake/mince pies or something though, to show willing but still emphasise that you're skint. That might make her realise you're not just acting on whim!

HelloMama · 19/11/2006 22:21

same situation here northener, my bro and SIL are well off and I was so scared to say 'can we just buy for the kids this year'. I suggested that we all get together for a 2nd xmas family meal (me cooking) as we don't see each other for xmas day. Bro and SIL both said they were glad we suggested it and would enjoy getting together properly instead. Would have felt bad if they had insisted on getting us something, however that would have be their choice.

Gobbledigook · 19/11/2006 22:23

No problem for me. We do this in our family already. My side started it and the outlaws don't like it but that's how it is.

Super silly anyone trying to buy anything for me really. If I want it, I buy it anyway (well, y'know, within reason, not got a merc yet!).

I'm quite happy with no presents. I just love getting together with family and watching my children enjoy it.

julienetmum · 19/11/2006 22:25

I did the same last year

One sil (brother's wife) heaved a sigh of relief and said "I wanted to say the same to you but my dh (my brother) wouldn't let me"

The other sil (dh's sister) didn't say much and bought us a framed photo of dneice anyway.

She also vastly overspends on our children and then expects us to reciprocate.

brimfull · 19/11/2006 22:27

I agree with moomin,bake some fudge and wrap up nicely.She surely loves fudge!

WestCountryLass · 19/11/2006 22:27

We've all come to that arrangment anyway, she seems bit daft to be honest.

What do we (us adults) actually need at Christmas? Christmas gifts are a load of tatt and most of us buy things we need and want through out the year.

iota · 19/11/2006 22:29

hear hear WCL