Things only a mum can do...

[motherflump]

Or a dad, or other primary caregiver, but you know what I mean.
Like - actually sleep in a tiny toddler bed with a poorly toddler in it.
Or, drink out of a cup that your child has been drinking from, even though it has bits of spit and food in it now.
Or, kiss a child who is streaming with snot and not wipe your mouth afterwards.
Or, sit in the world's most uncomfortable position for an hour, because you are enjoying the cuddle so much.

Sit motionless (most usually in an uncomfortable position) for 2 hours because dd has fallen asleep and you don't want to wake her.

suck snot out of his nose with one of those snot sucker things and not barf ... talk about poop, understand that it is sometimes an absolute miracle that we have made it out of the house in clean clothes and we look half ok, get him into the carseat, whilst holding a nappy bag, my handbag and it is raining so am balancing an umbrella on my shoulder so he doesn't get wet ....

Those snot suckers rule!

Casually remind them to shake after a wee.

Change nappies without throwing up. Or at least gagging. I would have hated to change a pooey baby before I had mine.

taylormama - you should have seen me when I had to take the cat to the vets, nappybag on back, baby in baby bjorn on front, trying to keep very nervous cat in carrier out of sight of the dogs in the waiting room. I'm not very big, it was a bit of a struggle.

Didn't know there was such a thing as a snotsucker - I did it myself when dd1 was tiny, then convinced myself I'd sucked her brains out by accident. Snotsucker sounds like something from the BFG!

Things that only a mum can do... talk about snotsuckers as part of a normal conversation!

Remember that kids need to be fed and go to the loo regularly and actually plan for it before leaving the house.

Watch that awful Balamory spin-off 'Me Too'.

Chat on Mumsnet, breastfeed, supervise toddler and drink a cup of tea at the same time.

Multi task and forward plan!

there's a balamory spin off??? when, what?

defintely catching vomit is a purely parental skill.

also the ability to poo/wee/change tampon with audience in CLOSE proximity without being put off (heres a question for you - those blokes who can't wee in front of other blokes... does that go away after they have kids?)

Please tell me what a snotsucker is, with pic if possible.

my dh doesn't have the pee ability. last time he tried our dd put her hands between his legs got pee on her hand.
lucky it's sterile

put your hand out to catch their sick while realising at the same time that your hands aren't big enough to catch it all.

eat chewed up apricots etc that dd proffers - actually, shoves into my mouth.

Actually sucked snot out of my very congested and poorly DD's nose with my MOUTH eeeeewwwww - but she was really tiny and having a hard time breathing!

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Clean up someone else's sick so many times in one night that there are no clean beds to sleep in, so sleep on towl on floor with a poorly ds. Actually have ds be sick onto my face and neck when sleeping next to me at night and not react, just clean it up while trying to comfort him.

Ah yes...put a tampon in or remove it with an audience and answer questions as to whgy I am doing that without even thinking about it.

Understanding my ds when he is a cat and miows instead of speaking.

Wordsmith-it's like a mini turkey baster that sucks snot out of little noses!

Fish DS's half-eaten rusk out of nursing bra and absent mindedly finish it myself (this was in a shop - I think the male assistant thought I was some kind of bag lady).

Spend hours singing "you put your left leg in, your leg out..." (with actions) because it makes DS do the sweetest gurgling laugh every time!

Plus of course only a parent could read this thread and not think everyone on it was mad/superwomen/candidates for sainthood (though of course we all are! )

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lift a disabled child (according to social services)

I don;t get the puking on hand thing. why? isn't it better to just let it go on the floor, down their clothes, over the table, over the pillow - anywhere? you vomit-catching people - you're not martyrs to your vomiting babies it's all about protecting the carpet. come on admit it - I mean the baby's not going to care where it goes

eat food of the floor that dc has dropped because they eat food off the floor all the time and they're fine and I'm starving as I haven't had a chance to eat all day and it would be a shame to waste it. dp does this too though but before we had ds we would never have eaten anything we'd dropped on the floor.

Meowmix: The Balamory spin-off is called Me Too on CBeebies and it's all about working parents and childminders. I'm just assuming it's related to Balamory because it's set in Scotland and is full of ugly ugly non-actors.

totally agree hatwoman. its never about saving the carpet, clothes, whatever. it just seems like instinct. but then my dd's puke is never as nasty - to me anyway.

Hatwoman - I'm so with you on the smugness. In increases the number of children you have too

...laugh privately about how couples who are just about to have their first child have 'NO IDEA' how their life is going to change

...cry about the most ridiculous things (do those pg hormones ever go away?)

...oh also chuckle at over zealous new parents/pg women who say 'My children won't be watching television' and or 'the baby is going to fit in with us, we'll still be going out etc etc'...