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Original poster

When did the idea develop that everybody is entitled to 'me-time'?

58 replies

emkana · 14/11/2006 19:57

I'm just wondering. I can't ask my grandmother because unfortunately she died a few years ago, but I'm sure that she would have been flabberghasted at the idea of being entitled to some time to herself for pampering/shopping/whatever.
She had four children, brought them up during the war with little or no money, husband was away as a soldier and then as a prisoner of war... illnesses, everything still largely done by hand...

but sixty years down the line we regard some me-time as a human right really, don't we?
How/when did it come to that?

OP posts:
tassis · 14/11/2006 20:00

not sure that i think it's my right...

...but boy does it make me a happier/nicer person to be around!

for me the lack of "me time" is one of the hardest things about having a tiny baby...and one of the hardest things about being a SAHM

nannyme · 14/11/2006 20:00

About the same time we stopped thrashing the kids because we were too knackered/busy handwashing nappies to think of a better behaviour management strategy?

I don't know.

intergalacticwalrus · 14/11/2006 20:02

I might ask my Granny, who brought up 9 children between 1940 and 1952 (9 children in 12 years!!!! ) on a farm in deepest darkest Waterford.

I bet she'd be disgusted with me, when I throw my toys out of the pram because I need a long soak in the bath or whatever

intergalacticwalrus · 14/11/2006 20:04

My Granny was also expected by my Grandpa to do her bit on the farm, as well as look after 9 children.

TyrNannyOgg · 14/11/2006 20:04

It started when women became regarded as human beings, as opposed to chattel. Women startexd having babies later, and their lives were disrupted more by the arrival of a baby than the average, raised brothers & sisters 'til I left home, got married and got pregnant 18 year old.

Women got used to me time, they never used to have any regardless of whether or not they had children. They slaved for Fathers, Brothers, and Husbands, then when the children arrived,l they slaved for those too.

Would we want to go back to that? Not bloody likely mate!

buktus · 14/11/2006 20:06

just as well we can now afford tv's, 9 kids in 12 years sends shivers down me

intergalacticwalrus · 14/11/2006 20:06

Indeed!

No wonder the poor woman is nuts.

intergalacticwalrus · 14/11/2006 20:08

btw, my post was meant to say 9 children born between 1040 and 1952. She didn't give up looking after them after 12 years.

Have got red wine on board now.

skerriesmum · 14/11/2006 20:09

What a good thread topic!
I think it very much depends on the individual. My grandmother, who's now in her 80s, didn't work outside the home until her kids were older, but even when my mum was little, she always had paid help and babysitters so she could go to meetings, teach dancing, etc. She had lots of interests outside the home.
My mother chose to be at home with four kids and actually had LESS time to herself a generation later! She did take the odd class in the evening but it was always after we were in bed. I can't remember her ever leaving us with someone else during the day to go shopping! And she's not the type to get her nails done etc. (but then again that whole industry has exploded over the last few years, it probably wasn't an option in the 70s!)
I could go on and on...

misdee · 14/11/2006 20:09

she lived a long time!!!

intergalacticwalrus · 14/11/2006 20:12

feck

1940 and 1952

I thank you.

stitchthezenmaster · 14/11/2006 20:22

i ws hving a discussion about something similr with mymom a while back. my grandmother, who brought up 9 chilldren, didnt do 90 percent of the things i have to do and thta take up all my time nd energy.

she didnt have to do the grocery chopping. either it ws delivered, or her dh got it.
she didnt wsh the kids clothes once they were beynod 6ish as the kids did themselves
she didnt do school runs. the kids wlked themselves, nd ran errands for her. including to the shops, from a young age
the concept of going out without kids didnt exist, so noneed for bbysitters etc.
the neighbourhood always kept an eye out on the kids.
food had to be made fresh, so they ate whatt was given, or went hungry.
she wssnt expected to look like a supermodel
she wsnt expected to 'go back to work' once the kids were in school. it ws acknowledged tht she was doing a worthwhile job. her whole life ws me time

Carmenere · 14/11/2006 20:22

My mum had three kids under the age of three when she was 23 and another 2 after that but she had full time help.

Both my grandmothers had five children but both of them had full time help too.

So I reckon that although they were undoubtably lucky they were by no means very wealthy, domestic help was just more usual in days of yore. But then there wern't the labour saving devices that we have now, washable nappies for three with no machine anyone?

That said my mum did used to lock us out of her bedroom for 40 minutes every day for her to meditate, well that's what she said anyhow...................

twinsetandpearls · 14/11/2006 20:25

I discussed this with friends and we decided that our parents were much less involved and hands on, we spent much more time amusing ourselves and keeping out of the way so perhaps they didn;t need me time.

kama · 14/11/2006 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

christie1 · 14/11/2006 22:04

Dont know where it started but the term bugs me although I can't articulate why. Years ago I volunteered on a rape crisis line and the training went on and on about ensuring "time to relax" after these upsetting calls, and lots of hot baths. I kept thinking, we were not the ones tramatized by an attack like this, come on, can we spend more time talkling about the trama to the poor caller and not ourselves. Maybe it's just the me time thing seems self indulgent. I am not against fun and relaxing but it isn't a right, a need maybe, definately a priviledge, but sometimes we make the best of things and get on with it.

Flossam · 14/11/2006 22:08

In answer to the OP - for me, probably around the time I discovered MN!

Pruni · 14/11/2006 22:17

Message withdrawn

zippy34 · 14/11/2006 22:31

My mum put us to bed very early too. She was adamant that evenings were "adult time". That was the 70s and I think was pretty standard, don't remember my friends getting to stay up any later.

ilovedolly · 14/11/2006 23:10

ditto the adults only evenings - and I have a friend whose parents locked their bedroom door on sunday mornings until 11 at which point the children were expected to bring them breakfast in bed! After a certain age, of course!
Working class women of our grandmothers generation did work hard, but certainly before the war people with any money at all would perhaps have a maid or at least a part time cleaning lady, and so there was a lot more free time.

OzJo · 15/11/2006 09:28

For me, "me time" was achieved when I went back to work...I'm a nurse, and work is an absolute piece of piss compared to looking after babies. I find it much easier now ( Dd is 3 1/2, Ds 1 1/2)..Personally I found it really hard in the early months, A good friend used to get annoyed when she'd ask how I was & I'd rattle off how the baby was...she didn't get that how I was was so closely intertwined with how the baby was it was inseperable...ie if you've managed 5 or 6 hours unbroken sleep you feel human and fantastic...if their colicky you feel desperate etc .
I'm rambeling, red wine on board ( I'm in Oz so don't call social servies )...The point is I didn't feel like I got " me " back for months after having the kids...going to work felt really bloody good, now having some time to myself keeps me sane and makes me a MUCH better mum than I would be otherwise....

newmum36 · 15/11/2006 09:43

Probably when women started to realise that men have this wonderful habit of being able to shun responsibility for most things when they have a capable woman behind them and asking themselves "why do I have to become a "non-person" just because I have a child/children". I'm not being a man basher here - my dh is pretty good but I really find that unless I ask for things (time to myself/help etc ) I don't get it - my dh is more than happy "just to pop out for a while" at the weekend (read as "off to the driving range") - forgetting that we have a small baby who can't be carted off everywhere at the drop of a hat . I'm at home at the moment so I take on my role as a stay at home mum, but come the time to go back to work, both of us will want time to ourselves as well as with our gorgeous ds - we're both much nicer people for it. Being a mum is a 24 hour job - most paid work gives you a couple of days off a week to re-charge your batteries. I'm all for a bit of "me" time and ensure that both grannies get their weekly slots to spend time with their grandson - they absolutely love it. I don't see it as a "right" more that I am extremely lucky to have a lot of supportive family and friends around who help out so I make the most of it and we all benefit.

bctmum · 15/11/2006 09:47

compare life to that of years ago - we have it easy - washing machines, transport, all gadgets.

What's harder is not having family close by to help - I do everything myself with dh who works long hours.

I try to have moments like now! - lo is bf & I'm on the pc!

ilovedolly · 15/11/2006 09:57

but do we have it as easy as we imagine? we certainly would have had the support of close-by family and neighbours more than now. And there would not be an expectation that we would be mothers and housekeepers and breadwinners whilst maintaining a perfect immaculately dressed size 10. Not (before anyone starts) that I am regretting advances in female emancipation - I am very happy I have the vote, and the married womans property act of 187wotsit was very welcome too. I just think that woman are now under a lot of pressure to be wonder woman and men are as able to do their own thing as they ever were.

ilovedolly · 15/11/2006 09:59

I forgot to add my main point there which is that men have always been entitled to 'me' time - their whole life is 'me' time as their careers are in general their own choice as is how involved or not they chose to be with their children

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