When did the idea develop that everybody is entitled to 'me-time'?

[emkana]

I'm just wondering. I can't ask my grandmother because unfortunately she died a few years ago, but I'm sure that she would have been flabberghasted at the idea of being entitled to some time to herself for pampering/shopping/whatever.
She had four children, brought them up during the war with little or no money, husband was away as a soldier and then as a prisoner of war... illnesses, everything still largely done by hand...

but sixty years down the line we regard some me-time as a human right really, don't we?
How/when did it come to that?

My grandmother had 17 children (no I'm not kidding) and also worked on my grandpas farm. My mum brought up 3 kids under 5 whilst also caring for her MIL who had parkinsons disease and worked part time as we needed the money. I have 1 ds and am constantly knackered. Feel so completely useless compared to these two amazing women. HOWEVER....I'm not sure either of them have had what you could call an enjoyable life and both suffered from clinical depression. Times change and so does society. The idea of a woman having 17 children these days is news worthy but back in the 1920s /30s and 40s it was the norm. I love my "me time" even if I only watch an episode of the west wing on dvd....it may be selfish but it makes me happy and I dont think theres is anything wrong with that.

my nan who is 86 always had "me" time. only it want described as such.

when her babies went to sleep for a nap -she planned a good book, a nice brew and a treat - like a couple of biscuits or sweets.

i know this becuase when mine were little she said repeatedly to me how important it was to "treat" myself and take some time just for me. even if its only 15 mins.

she is the best person in the world

oh and i was muchio skint when kids were babies and she would always give me a couple of quid for a packet of biscuits "spend on you" she would say " not the baby"

yes the big families must have been tough - my gran and grampa both had more than 10 siblings -

Stitch makes some incredibly interesting points.

So much is expected of us. I wonder if it's really "me time" when I spend time on my appearanceget my hair dyed, exercise etcbecause I'm in a profession, as many women are, that is male-dominated; youth and beauty seem like my only source of power sometimes, and it's diminishing of course as I get older. . .it's OK for older women if they've already made a name for themselves, but it takes a bit of struggle and effort to get there, and appearance helps.

So I feel like a lot of things I do that seem like indulgences are things I have to do to keep up. When I sit down and respond to my emails, is that "me time" or is that me being a good friend to people. If I didn't spend that time on my correspondence I'd be considered thoughtless. But if I email while the kids are in the bath, instead of giving them my full attention, I'm a bad mother. There's no winning.

I do see a lot of suspicion around 'me time'--I see it a lot from my Dutch in-laws and their extended family and friends, and I've diagnosed it as some kind of Calvinist disapproval: the idea that you have to suffer to be "good." I personally try to be not judgmental about what people do with their time and how they label their time, because the idea of "me time" seems a lot more complicated than the way it's presented on, say, Oprah.

custy - she sounds lovely.

I do think it was hard. OK my Mum didn't work, but my Dad worked shifts and she didn't live close to family, couldn't drive, we didn't have a phone, she had 3 children under 4. But her life when we were young was very different to the picture painted by stitch.

We used to go to Asda once a fortnight when my Dad was on the right shift, got the milk delivered, but everything else was carried back from the shops by her with us in tow.
She washed all our clothes (in a twin tub at first) until we were teenagers.
Either Mum or Dad (if he was on the right shift) walked me and my sisters to school until I was 11.
She started cleaning jobs when we were all at school.
When we were very small she would have us all in bed in time for Crossroads at 6.30.
We used to have to walk 3 streets to the nearest phone box to phone our grandparents and then they would phone back.

So no she didn't work when we were little, and I think she has little understanding sometimes of my life and the stresses of fitting everything in - like today, having DD ready for nursery and DS ready for CM and school (with his book bag, his water bottle, his fruit, his wellies and gloves for Eco club after school, his change of clothes and birthday present for the party at 4.30) and making sure that DH who does drop off knows what to take, that the arrangements are in place for him to change at school and then get taken to the party by his friend's Mum but I will pick him up, all before I leave the house at 7.40. That is mental stress rather than hard work. She doesn't understand why I get my shopping delivered, how I know what I want etc.

I think she does understand though why I am taking tomorrow off work to go Christmas shopping without the children. DH is coming, we will shop together and seperately and have a nice lunch with some wine. That is definite "me-time".

i don't think emails are a self indulgent me-time thing - everyone in history (who was literate!!) has devoted time to correspondance. Our grannies would have written letters - it is a way of communicating and having time in your own head at the same time.

Since women's expectations changed.

Surely it is much more healthy for you and everybody around you to have some time to yourself/have a break. etc?

What a totally fascinating thread.

Has anyone else read the brilliant Penelope Lively short story - I think it's called something like 'In the Olden Days' - which counterposes a working mother's very pressured, stressful life, in which every moment has to be accounted for and there is a constant battle against the clock, against her dd chatting artlessly about 'the olden days' which she is learning about at school and how everyone had to work all the time.
The climax of the story is when the daughter says just before bedtime 'oh, by the way, I've got to have a Victorian costume for school tomorrow', having forgotten to mention it before, and the mother who is literally falling asleep with exhaustion, gets a sewing machine needle through her finger while producing said costume

interesting about what you class as me time - i was er.... "debating" ... this point with DH yesterday. He thinks me sat next to him while he watches the excerable and painful Battlestar Galatica or Stargate series counts as my "me time". I consider that one step away from a breach of the geneva convention. He also thinks that when I potter in the kitchen doing things like putting the dishes IN the dishwasher rather than near it thats me time. Because I chose to do it - its unallocated time that I devote to a task. Same with makeup, hair stuff etc. My choice to maintain myself therefore me time.

tbh its not so much me time i crave as time alone. I get worn down by work, people, ds, dh needing attention and sometimes just want to sit for 5 mins ALONE (and pref not in the loo!). My own fault tho

Mum worked night shifts when we were tiny so she was at home when we were up and later on worked school hours until my brother left senior school again so that she was home when we were home. Fabulous principle and one I would like to emulate. But - she still had time to herself, not that it was described as such - going to the library for a couple of hours in the evening once a week (things that she liked doing and chose to do). There was also an immediately available wider family which we don't have as we've both moved away from home. Mum said that she didn't ever do the weekly shopping with a child until I was about 10 - I and then we went to my Gran's for the afternoon whilst she went to the supermarket, butchers etc and although it was still doing a domestic job it was a lot less stressful doing it solo than with 2 children in tow (and she could stop for a cup of tea!). Me-time becomes much more crucial when there is no scope for popping your children round to an aunt or grandparent for an hour once a week.

Sounds good KathyMCMLXXII - I have liked some of her novels - which collection is this story in?

Unquiet Dad - I read it in 'Pack of Lies', which is a 1995ish collection of all of the earlier collections, so not sure which one it originally came in.

Do you mean Pack of Cards ?

Yes, sorry UD - Pack of Cards.

Kama, that's a very good point.
My next-door-neighbour suddenly knocked on the door out of the blue when dd was about 4 months old offering to take her for a walk. It was a complete shock and it took me ages to get my head round it but couldn't think of a single reason not to, so I said yes, and was so grateful for the free time - and it turned out she had been wanting to for ages but it took her ages to puck up the courage because it's simply not what most people do these days.

pluck up the courage, that should be....

I think life was very different 60 years ago. My mother organised her time to suit her and we were expected to fit in around that. She never played with us, because she was organising the house & garden. I took the bus to school aged 4.5 yrs old & I walked or cycled to brownies from the age of 6.
My mother also took her French O & A levels for her own pleasure whilst we were very little & certainly it didn't cross her mind to feel guilty about it - or to call it me time either. But that is what it was.

Really interesting thread. I do hate the term 'me time' as it sounds so self indulgent. Didn't we just used to call it 'having time for myself'?

In the My Naughty Little Sister stories it says something like, 'if mother had something important to do, then Mrs Cocao Jones or Bad Harry's mother looked after us' but there was one time that no one was available, so MNLS went to school with her big sister and was minded by the teacher

And I meant 'having time to myself'.

My dh thinks I have this all the time as a SAHM.

(One day, when I do have some "me time", I'll have had time to give proper thought to the issues raised by such questions and I'll have something more valid and intellegent to contribute - as opposed to quoting from my children's story books. )

about the same time we realised that men had me time whenever they wanted?

Another question would be - how different is your life to your Mother's or Granny's?

My Mum like Integlactus had 5 kids and was a farmers wife (she was the farmer really as Dad worked on the railway 6 days a week). She has an incredibly hard time and is very resentful. On the other hand she never worried about money as that was not her place and there was no mortgage.

I work 3 days (leave the house at 6.30 and return at 18.30 and then cook) a week and when I only had DS I worked 5 days a week. DP was a shift worker so much of the childcare I did. I did/do all the financial stuff and all the organising of big stuff like buying and selling houses and all the little stuff like buying Bday presents.

My Mum pities me and I pitied her. It looks like neither of us get bugger all 'me time'.

I think it depends what you mean by me time. If i have a day xmas shopping without the kids i do not consider it me time- it is essential ,no one else will buy those presents i could n't possibly do it with them. Ditto clothes for work or a `social engagment.

However in september one day i picked ds up from nursery and thought f**k the million and one things i should do and took him to the open air swimming pool it was one of the last sunny days and we had it to our selves. For me that was me time doing exactly what i wanted. Not necessarily without my children.

I remember similar times with my mum as we were growing up, treaty times when we skivved off duty together.

me-time has probably been around for a long time in one form or another. But it has been coined and then bigged up by the media to get us to spend money on self-indulgences. That is why you hear so much of this term in the women's magazines and publications.

All the spa treatments, holiday breaks, expensive hobbies, shopping therapy thrive on women taking their me-time like it is their god-given right.