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Original poster

i need your advice please :o(

40 replies

whymummy · 03/05/2004 20:50

i really need some advice on this one
ds and dd went upstairs to watch a video while i cooked dinner only they went to our bedroom first and they found a video tape(no case or label)in dh's wardrobe and started to watch it,next thing i know is dd coming into the kitchen laughing and saying that i girl was licking a willy(!!!!!)i ran upstairs and yes,you've guessed it they were watching a porno movie i was so shocked i bursted into tears and then went ballistic at dh,the kids were upset and couldn't understand what had happened.i can't stop crying and i feel as if part of their innocence has gone(they're 6 and nearly 4) what do i do now?(apart from strangling dh)do i talk to the children about it and make sure they don't tell friends,teachers and grandparents or do i just leave it and pray that they'll forget?i didn't handle the situation very well and now i don't know what to do
any advice would be nice,thanks

OP posts:
charliecat · 03/05/2004 20:52

lmao sorry! Strangle Dh is all I can suggest..i know its not funny though really

cuppy · 03/05/2004 20:53

Oh Whymummy - sorry have no advice just lots of sympathy. heres a hug to you x

Lisa78 · 03/05/2004 20:53

Oh no Whymummy! How awful for you.

I don't really know what to advise you, I suppose I would play it down and hope they forget it, if only because your other option of talking to them turns it into a big deal - I'm no psychologist and may be talking utter bollocks here, but if you told them not to tell anyone etc, might that not have a long term effect? Hopefully someone will come along and give you some better advice soon

Loobie · 03/05/2004 20:56

If it was me I think i'd be more careful where i kept the vids,have a laugh about it then dont mention it again and hope they forget about it.LOL

LadyMuck · 03/05/2004 20:57

Oh I'm so sorry. FWIW I would probably play it down with your children (but strangling is just where I woud start with Dh!), but mine are younger, so no idea how often they will repaeat this particular image...

Sorry. {Hugs{}}

Codswallop · 03/05/2004 21:02

why am sure they will forget and wont see anything overtly sexual about it. REALLY. Just hope they dont tellt heir teacher - and that IS serious.

I know how you must feel. wil this affect dh's roght to watch porn?

bubblymum · 03/05/2004 21:02

i would go f*in apes**t!!!! and don't blame you for crying, ranting etc although i do think that perhaps your reaction might warrant some explaining to your children as to why you're upset because they're probably a bit confused right now. I don't think you can ignore it and agree that they're a bit too young to be doing the whole sex education but i'm not too sure how i'd explain it! I would leave it to dh to sort out - his video, his problem!

sexgoddess · 03/05/2004 21:05

FWIW I would mention it to the teacher (how well do you get on?) only because you can pretty much govern what the kids say in front of grandparents. Teachers may or may not read into comments about "licking willies" as it is unlikely they would know about such things. A couple of years ago my dd (who is quite a timid child) told a teacher that she gets headaches from when she's hit on the head. The teacher (who I do get on with) took her out of class to ask further questions as she was worried about abuse. Further questioning confirmed that she wasn't being beaten by us but had suffered a headache when her darling little brother hit her on the head with a toy. May be worth waiting for advice from a teacher on the site.

Codswallop · 03/05/2004 21:08

a mum at out ds1s schhol is lapdancer (!) and they knew there straight away

kids tell teachers everything

This is why I wont tolerate porn in my home.

Original poster
whymummy · 03/05/2004 21:18

thank you very much for all your messages,i didn't know that video was in the house dh says a mate from work gave it to him,i just can't believe it,there's lots of videos in dh's wardrobe none of them pornographic and they go and find the one that was,i can't let dh to explain to them cos he's just useless when it comes to kids psychology,i don't know,they're in bed now so i might wait till the morning and say sory for my reaction and then explain

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sexgoddess · 03/05/2004 21:20

I think I'd be inclined to play it down with the children as a few others have said. Just say that what they were doing was unhygienic and you'd go just as mad if they ate their tea/dinner/brekkie without washing their hands too.....

Codswallop · 03/05/2004 21:22

I agree- play it down ans if they say anything say that they were tickling each other or something

dont keep bringing the matter up.

Original poster
whymummy · 03/05/2004 21:23

you're right i do have to say something,i can just see social services knoking on my door after dd saying something at nursery

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carla · 03/05/2004 21:25

What did HE say?

Original poster
whymummy · 03/05/2004 21:27

thanks coddy i'll try and say something once and then just pray,as for dh......you might read it in the newspapers tomorrow,he went to bed before the kids wich is just as well but he's not getting away with it

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Original poster
whymummy · 03/05/2004 21:29

carla i was going to wait till the children went to bed but dh kind of disapeared upstairs and went to bed,trying to get away from it but he won't

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WideWebWitch · 03/05/2004 21:32

Agree with everyone who says play it down with the kids and strangle your dh.

Levanna · 03/05/2004 21:33

Hi whymummy, I really think you should address with the children what they saw, and why you reacted as you did (which, I think would be very close to my reaction BTW, except there'd be blood shed!) I'm not quite sure how I'd approach it though.....massive emphasis on your reaction being directed a DH rather than them, no referances to them being linked to anything dirty or sordid in any way, I think. I'm thinking back to when my brother and I were younger (about the same ages as yours) we found a porn mag in our fathers bedside cabinet. It wasn't dealt with very constructively, and I'm sorry but it did affect both of us. But, I think with the right kind of banter, you'll deal with it no problem! Just encourage any questions and answer them as honestly as is appropriate, I think it's important they have the chance to talk about it with you, and get it out of their systems. Good luck .

Codswallop · 03/05/2004 21:35

was there a LOT of shouting Wm?

eddm · 03/05/2004 21:37

Just to reassure you, I found my dad's stash of ahem gentlemen's magazines when I was little and it hasn't scarred me for life (I think). Just found it very strange but had forgotten all about it until I saw your post.

Original poster
whymummy · 03/05/2004 21:38

not at the kids but at dh,i didn't shout a lot as i soon realised how shocked the kids were so i went in the toilet and cried my eyes out

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Original poster
whymummy · 03/05/2004 21:41

levanna how did it affect you?was it because you were told off or because of what you saw?

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Codswallop · 03/05/2004 21:41

yes you i need to be super perky tomorrow
ike Doris day - espnola style!

Codswallop · 03/05/2004 21:42

Ia ms ure you can explain it away along hte tickling line - or say its something to do with babies...?

sexgoddess · 03/05/2004 21:44

I'm quite open with our kids (more dd than ds tbh) but was horrified when she caught daddy and I on an early morning love session. Not sure how I'd react if she saw oral sex in action though.