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Original poster

Do you play with your kids?

43 replies

joelallie · 05/11/2006 14:27

Because I've just realised that after years of feeling inadequate for not enjoying playing with them that actually my parents didn't either. I play cards sometimes, the odd board game, vaguely supervise and occasionally contribute my dubious artistic skills to painting/playdoh etc, read endless stories, sit and watch DVDs with them, take them for walks, visits to museums, stream damming, beachcombing etc. But I dread those words 'mum please play with my animals/dolls house with me' (almost as much as I dread the works' I want to help you'!!) But thinking about my childhood (which was largely perfect as far as I remember ) neither mum nor dad ever played with me as such - we were left to our own devices mostly.

So what is the MN verdict. Is playing with your children an essential modern parenting skill. Or can I just wing it without?

OP posts:
hoxtonchick · 05/11/2006 14:29

you sound like an ace mum joelallie. my children are very happy with our benign neglect school of parenting. we're always around, & do lots of stuff, but they're mostly left to play by themselves. it's the best way .

lulumama · 05/11/2006 14:32

sounds like you are doing more than winging it!! giving kids happy memories is great....they will remember all those lovely times trashing the kitchen in an attempt to help make dinner, very fondly...i certainly do!! it is also a key element , imo , in good parenting to give your kids the ability to play alone, and amuse themselves...a little independence...so you can do other things, make a phonecall ( go on mumsnet!!!) ..but also lovely quality time with mum & dad..

sounds like you are a fantastic mum!!

Original poster
joelallie · 05/11/2006 14:37

Why thankyou Sadly I don't think you'd have said that if you'd heard me just now making every excuse under the sun and using all kinds of distractions to avoid playing with my youngest's hue collection of plastic animals. I can't tell you the sense of dread that comes over me......

OP posts:
iota · 05/11/2006 14:39

I had 2 kids so that they could play with each other

3andnomore · 05/11/2006 16:32

Well, a friend and I were pondering this the other day and both came to the conclusion that maybe us modern mums feel far to pressurised to constantly entertain those Kids, and play with them, etc...., whereas our own parents have not really played all that much with us...I mean, yeah Boardgames etc...but that was about it, really, lol!
My own philosophy is, as selfish as this probably sounds, that if my KIds want to do something and I enjoy doing it myself, then I will join in, and if it is something I don't like then I let them get on on their own!But I figure that they would notice it anywya if I forced myself to play something I really don't enjoy, so, I feel if anything that might hurt their feelings more!

Twiglett · 05/11/2006 16:49

I do what you do

No I don't get down on the floor and play with them

But I suppose we'll sometimes do stuff together that could be termed playing but its on my terms

I find people who constantly play with their children a little suffocating and their children seem incapable of playing by themselves / with other children for a while

Benign neglect RULES

MsUnderstood · 05/11/2006 16:51

I'm with you and I wing it without too. I read books, cook with them, take them to restaurants, on walks, watch films with them, but I absolutely will not get on the floor/wherever and play with stuff, bores me senseless, can't do it.

poppiesinaline · 05/11/2006 16:52

you sound like me joelallie. My heart sinks when a little face appears holding a tub of plastic animals saying 'mummy, please come and play'

My mum and dad didnt play with me and I turned out ok...... I think

MsUnderstood · 05/11/2006 16:54

Btw, I DID think mothers should play with their children when I had ds and I DID play with him, rather a lot. With hindsight I was bloody mad, putting on a one woman show several times a day to amuse him and actually, it meant he was very demanding and expected it and was really hard work as a toddler. Even now isn't that great at amusing himself. Whereas neglected 2nd child knows not even to ask!

WaitingForGodKnows · 05/11/2006 16:58

You can wing it without - in fact you should imo, teaches independence

We read loads, cook, do the park/swings thing, we go to museums or zoos, watch tv together etc but I do find getting down on the floor and 'playing' really hard and do almost none!

I will do a bit of lego now and again, or help ds build a train track but once it's built, you're on your own, kid

Seriously though, surely letting them get on with it encourages imaginative play? Or is that a cop-out?

BudaBeast · 05/11/2006 17:27

Isn't that what TV / Playstation is for???? So that I don't have to?

DS is 5 and I will help build a track or set something up or help a bit with lego but agree that they need to be able to play alone.

We do play PLaystaion together though - I am getting very good at Star Wars Lego and Madagascar!!!

Original poster
joelallie · 06/11/2006 09:39

Goody! That's OK then Will carry on as before. Have to say that as long as they are getting my attention when they want it in some form they don't really care what we do. I think the older 2 have learned by now that if they want mummy they have to compromise a bit and if they want to play 'dens' they do it without mummy. Thankfully we live in a cul-de-sac swarming with kids.

My mum did 'play' with me sometimes with her bl**dy flash cards! God I hated those. I was reading before I went to school mind you...much good it did me...

OP posts:
jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 06/11/2006 09:43

I dont really remember my parents playing with my toys with me.... and I dont tend to play much with my girls. They can entertain each other.... independant play as I like to call it.

I will play with their building bricks, and stacking cups if asked, but as a rule no i dont. DH is a lot more hands on play than I am, hence Mondays are always a nightmare fight for attention as they have had daddy to play with all weekend!

paulaplumpbottom · 06/11/2006 09:56

Thank goodness its not just me! I thought it was. I put aside 30min a day to get on the floor and play Barbies but thats usually it. We spend so much time together, which I love, but there are some things she should be able to do on her own.

Loshad · 06/11/2006 09:59

I do both, I expect them to play by them selves and with each other, am also happy to play board games/lego etc with them if asked. Agree dread can i help you DS4 'helped' me with the mucking out last night - took twice as long and was half as good

Flumpybumpy · 06/11/2006 10:00

I am an only child and my Mother never played with me unless there was someone else around and she was trying to show what a 'perfect' mother she was. When we were on our own I was pretty much ignored. It did however teach me independance, I was very happy in the make-believe world and enjoyed my own company. I also relished any chance I got to play with other kids.

My DD (3) is fairly self-sufficent and also loses herself in her fantasy world. I am the same as you we go to the park, walks, watch films, read books but I do get bored senseless playing stickle bricks etc... it doesn't stop you feeling like the worst Mummy in world when their little faces fall when you say no to playing dinosaurs again!!!

FB x

Original poster
joelallie · 06/11/2006 12:41

I think that the problem comes from that fact that childrens' games tend to be open-ended...ie 'playing with animals' doesn't have a conclusion which reading a story, or playing monopoly does. You could spend all day doing it. Most adults spend their days doing a series of tasks that start and end, then they do the next one...maybe more than one at once but they all have a conclusion usually. Kids' games just carry on and on and blend into the next one (with nothing put away in between usually.) I find it so frustrating. I think the children probably find me frustrating too...which is why we are almost certainly better off as we are

OP posts:
sandyballs · 06/11/2006 13:03

Glad to find this thread as I was worrying about this over the weekend. My twin DDs (5) love me to play mummies and daddies with their dolls, lego, polly pocket, play dough etc and I hate it . I usually manage about 5 min before wandering off.

I love taking them out though - we're always at parks, cinema, swimming etc so hopefully that compensates.

Skribble · 06/11/2006 13:22

I would say I did much the same, lots of outings and stuff but down on hands and kness playing with toys with them, not so much.

My idea of playing is running about on the beach with them or hunting for conkers or spotting squirels, going shopping etc.

Skribble · 06/11/2006 13:24

Mind you I do like playing with lego but I tend to hog all the bricks and try to build the best house .

HuwEdwards · 06/11/2006 13:27

DD1 'Mum, will you just come here a minute?'

Me, 'yes love, what's up'

DD1 'I want you to pretend to be my flatmate' + 10 mins more twitter about what my name is, how I am DD1's albsolute best friend, what fluffy toys I like best, how we're going to a caf-fay later etc etc etc.

Me 'Ask your sister, that's why I made her.'

Skribble · 06/11/2006 13:28

LOL

undergroundernie · 06/11/2006 13:37

I agree, I don't like playing open-ended games and felt guilty about not playing as much as Daddy. To compromise I now play a game of their choice for 10 mins before bathtime if they help me tidy up first. I'm a control freak I know but I find i can play any game happily knowing it will end when the beeper goes. Plus they also do more tidying up.

sandyballs · 06/11/2006 13:37

My DDs love me to sit on our bean bag and pretend to be a taxi driver, taking them and all their dollies to the airport on holiday but they're not content for me to just sit there and pretend to drive, I have to really throw myself into the part

MarsLady · 06/11/2006 13:38

I'm guessing "No that's what they have friends for" is the wrong answer!

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