Do you play with your kids?

[joelallie]

Because I've just realised that after years of feeling inadequate for not enjoying playing with them that actually my parents didn't either. I play cards sometimes, the odd board game, vaguely supervise and occasionally contribute my dubious artistic skills to painting/playdoh etc, read endless stories, sit and watch DVDs with them, take them for walks, visits to museums, stream damming, beachcombing etc. But I dread those words 'mum please play with my animals/dolls house with me' (almost as much as I dread the works' I want to help you'!!) But thinking about my childhood (which was largely perfect as far as I remember ) neither mum nor dad ever played with me as such - we were left to our own devices mostly.

So what is the MN verdict. Is playing with your children an essential modern parenting skill. Or can I just wing it without?

It's even worse in our house - dh doesn't play with them either!
We do all the other things though - reading, going out together, eating together etc etc.
just can't bear to play with dolls and suchlike.

I am guilty of the sibling defence too...ie

'why don't you go and ask DD'. DS#2 toddles off. 5 mins later
'she won't play with me'.
'Why don't you go and ask DS#1' DS#2 toddles off again. 5 mins later
'He's doing XYZ'.

It's won me some time and there's always a good chance that he'll have been distracted by something else.

Actually reading that back I do feel really quite sorry for the poor little chap.... But not that sorry.

Set them up with an activity and let them get on with it, if they need help or want you to play then they often come along and ask.

It is important to let the children play, they do sometimes need your guidance/or you to show them, but often they get confidence and enjoyment having time to play with out you.

Just make sure that they aren't getting bored, then is the time to step in and change the game slightly or do something different.

Can't bear playing with their animals/toys etc. I am really to admit that I do not in any way enjoy the busy start that is inflicted on us from time to time.

When the mums/dads get to go in to school for the first 1/2 hour and see what the children do. I remember with ds1 (haven't done it yet with ds2) I would have to trail about the class room after him and his friends and sit and play airports and cars. I used to constantly clock watch!!!

Playing's for children - I'm not a child. Like others here, I don't mind the book reading stuff but don't like getting down on the floor and playing cars, farms etc. And I loathe almost all board games; dd2 and I were invited to tea with a friend and her dd's. To my horror, we played Cadoo all evening - I felt like topping myself after 10 minutes! I just think that I could be doing something else instead, reading, gardening or whatever.

I just don't understand the games

they have no linear narrative and I get confused and wander off

I enjoy playing boardgames with DS, particularly now he can play some more grown up ones, we are a family who play games for the evening just adults - Cranium ,cards etc., so gald both children like games too. Enjoy reading books, sometimes like setting up a craft activity or doing a jigsaw together, and like lego or k'nex or geomag, but imaginative play YUCK! I will sit and drink the odd cup of 'tea' and pretend to be a child at school for about 10 minutes, then am bored rigid. Do make more effort when I am childminding though !

Playing is children's work. Not mine. Like the OP I'll do all the stuff that requires adult intervention - set up the painting, get out the play-doh, supervise some biscuit making, read stories, take to a museum, point out the stars or look up something on Google - but I don't 'play' with them. I have simply lost the imagination, focus and sheer lunacy that would make me a good play-mate and at 4 and 5.5, DD1 and DD2 are perfectly suited to play together and will do so endlessly, particularly if we don't interrupt them. I accept that it might be very different if you had an only child or siblings with a larger age gap or very different interests. Although even then I expect I would constantly import random friends to do the playing bit.

Don't worry ladies, Cod will be here in just a minute to harrumph about over-involved and over-protective mothers and "helicopter parenting".

I enjoy imaginative games for about 10mins, it's quite sweet to see the different ideas she comes up with, but dd wants me to carry on for sodding hours. I can handle tea parties though, while MNing on the laptop with one hand ....

children def need to learn to play on their own as no parent can be there every minute of the day to play....when would the washing & ironing get done....oops just realised I had the perfect excuse not to do it, all the time

But I do play with my dd's as well. Today I've spent the afternoon playing doctors and nurses and dresssing up doll's

I'm just a big kid at heart tho

It hasn't occurred to dd to ask me to play dolls or whatever. I'm not sure whether to be pleased or to feel inadequate!

I do board games, and train layouts, and duplo buildings. I'm also willing to be the patient to her doctor or the guest at a tea-party, as long as I can do it from where I am. dd is quite happy for the patient with the broken leg to continue typing at the computer, so thats ok.

hurumph

mine are very good at entertaining themselves but recently, we've had a spate of new children round to play (ds started reception this year) and 1 or 2 of them have INSISTED that I play along with them.

It's not because they were nervous or shy, it's because this is what they do at home (apparently). One mother didn't warn me in advance and asked me how the playdate went - I said her child was fine (which she was, although a little tiresome!) and she actually told me that at home, her daughter will never go off and play on her own - she always expects an adult to be involved!

I'd be banging my head against the wall if mine were like that.

Mine are satisfied with a surprisingly pitiful level of effort when I do paly with them:
DS1: "Now the vikings are slaughtering the knights"
Me (surreptitiously reading book): "Oh hurrah"
DS1: "Not hurrah. That's your team gettting killed."
Me: "Oh sasssinfrassin, gadzooks."
DS1: "Now the vikings are stealing all the knights treasure..."
&c

me to
ia m all played out
i haev been playing fro 8 years
i tell them i am too old

If your children are happy and loved then that is the main thing.

My parents worked full-time and also had three other children to look after so i was never played with. But i was loved and well cared for and I am close to my parents so it certianly didn't do me any harm.

There is huge pressure on parents these days in everyway such as what to feed them, whether to work/not work, how much to play ect, and such guilt if you feel you are "not doing things right". The emphasis on playing with your children is around far more now than when we were children.

I can't do the "pretend play" stuff with my daughter either, My dd is at school but i do do things every day with her such as read and play board games and we love to cook. I remind my daughter every day how much i love her and we set aside 15 mins everyday just to talk properly to one another about our day. What you are doing with your kids sounds fine to me joelallie.

Thank goodness. I have been worrying that my imagination isn't good enough for DS1's play (too old...) - he's 2.5, so just beginning all that role play stuff. I get bored far quicker than he does. I don't mind accepting a 'cuppa tea' and helping to set up a train track, but prefer to watch from afar...

We too go to the park, ride his bicycle up and down the road, visit the zoo, do "exercises" on the lounge floor (that's me trying to lose baby no.2 weight..), make pizza. Life skills I like to think!!