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Original poster

need to let off steam

52 replies

secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 19:38

i am really pissed of with my childminder!! im a single mum and money is tight. went back to work part time when dd was 5 months and she is now 2.10 have always used to same childminder. I work shifts so have a childminder that does overnights and weekends and gets paid well for it! on average my months childcare fees come to anywhere between £500 and £600 pounds for 10 days work

chilcare for last week was over £200 its the end of the month so money is none existant. in past she has usually been really good about waiting a few days to be paid but she said she wanted last weeks money by monday at the latest she knows i havent got it til next week so she is charging me a daily rate every day it is late which will double the bill! she also wont look after dd til she is paid so i am having to pull a sicky at work and i still have to pay childminder as it is parental reasons. basically in 2 weeks i will have to pay her £600!

the money is not the only problem dd for a few months now has got absolutely hysterical about going there thought maybe it was just a clingy phase but she has justed started pre school and she goes off there quite happily. but she is adament she doesnt want to go to this womans house

picked dd up the other day and she was obviously tired so was playing up a bit she got really shouted at by cm and when she was playing up about leaving the woman just picked her up and plonked her out of the front door. dd has a couple of bruises on her arm and i dont know if they are from this.

cm told me dd was a little sod on sat and played up all round town and in supermarket - she deserved a smack apparently! am i paying £10 an hour for her to be taken shopping!

dd does the odd overnight there and according to cm always goes through the night no problem and doesnt wake up til 9ish - something that has never happened here i am still waiting for her to sleep through and a lie in is usually 7am!

it is really hard to find a flexible childminder and i really rely on this woman to be able to work as i have no family to help i think she knows this and i just feel that she is taking the piss a bit.

am i being unreasonable? sorry this is so long i just needed a bit of a rant.

the woman was really recommended to me and when i first saw her she told me she did loads of stuff with the kids and they wouldnt sit and watch tv. dd is older now and tells me that is all she does there whenever i pick her up tv seems to be on and there is no evidence of any books or art work drawings colouring etc which is what she loves doing at home

OP posts:
lulumama · 18/10/2006 19:42

what does your gut instinct tell you? and if anyone caring professionally for my child called them a 'sod' to my face , i'd be a little perturbed...

sounds like you are concerned about the way she is treated physically and if she has enough mental stimulation....

its so hard when you need flexible care to find someone, but to then have such serious doubts must be awful....

did the CM smack her?

vitomum · 18/10/2006 19:45

gosh, there sounds like loads of things to be concerned about there. Has she alawys had a 'fine' system for late payments or has she just decided to introduce this? If she has i wuld say this moving of the goalposts is taking the piss. Calling your dd a littel sod and saying she needs a slap would also really concern me, as would the fact that your dd is now not wanting to go there.

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 19:49

lulamama i feel like something is not right i dont know if she smacked dd or not, she knows i dont agree with it but dd is just that bit to young to tell me.

what do other children normally do with chilminders? perhaps my expectations are too high

starting to feel like i would be better off at home on benefits than this situation and i would never forgive myself if something is going on and i trusted this woman with my baby for over 2 years

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Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 19:50

re the fine system she told me she was told to introduce it by the people who check her paperwork - she should have always done it apparently and didnt know? no one else i have spoke to have ever heard of it

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Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 19:52

she looks after other children but is related to them and i dont know if she gets paid for it or not. i have seen her smack these children

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lulumama · 18/10/2006 19:53

you say 'cm told me dd was a little sod on sat and played up all round town and in supermarket - she deserved a smack apparently!'

so that would imply a smack...and if this goes against your express wishes,.....then very bad...and TBH, DS went to a nursery, if a carer there had smacked him, i would have reported them to the relevant authorities immediately....

can you contact your local authority and find childminder with a vacancy-

if you see no evidence of colouring etc,...doesn't bode well

have you read her most recent OFSTED inspection report...

amynnixmum · 18/10/2006 19:59

I used to childmind and my mindees pretty much joined in with whatever we were doing that day. sometimes that was shopping, sometimes it was the park or a trip to the beach. It is against the law for a childminder to smack a child in her care though and tbh I am shocked that she would say such a thing to you. You are not being unreasonable at all. I worked for a long time with one family who also had money problems. It was frustrating for me as sometimes cheques would bounce etc and the money was often late which was hard for me as i needed the money but I always got paid in the end. I think you need to go with your instincts but I feel that if things have got to the point where she is charging you for the late fee and refusing to care for your child then the relationship may have broken down to the point where you would all be better off if she was cared for by someone else.

amynnixmum · 18/10/2006 20:01

Oh and by the way if she is caring for those other children and being pid as a childminder then she is breaking the law if she smacks them - it doesn't matter if they are relatives or if the parents are happy for her to use physical discipline she isn't allowed to do it.

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 20:04

it has never been more than a few days late and i always pay cash so there has never been a problem of cheques bouncing or waiting to clear.

would i have to ask to see her ofsted report or can i contact someone to see it?

my biggest concern is why all of a sudden my normally happy little girl gets hysterical about going to her house! i always ring up afterwards and get told she settled down as soon as i had left

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vitomum · 18/10/2006 20:05

oh dear, what a horrible situation for you. In answer to your original question i really do not think that you are being unreasonable. In some ways it would be easier if you were because then there would be no need to find another a childminder. I do sympathise. I know your options must be limited by the flexibility you need but i hope you are able to identify another option.

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 20:09

i got some annual leave at work i can use up which will give me nearly a month off so i am going to use it to try and find another job that will let me have more reliable hours so i can put her in nursery - she loves it there! shame its not a 24hr one then my problem would be solved!

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TheOneAndOnlyHUNKERMUNKER · 18/10/2006 20:10

If I was you, I'd look for another childminder.

amynnixmum · 18/10/2006 20:10

It may just be a phase with your dd. The boy of the famaily I mentioned had a couple of periods where he got upset about being left with me. His mum and I never got to the bottom of what was upsetting him but he always settled down as soon as she was gone and i could tell that he still enjoyed being with us. However with everything else that is going on I would be concerned about your dd's change of heart about going. I don't know if you can get a copy of the OFSTED report elsewhere as I no longer mind but she will certainly have a copy of it and should show you if you ask. Trouble is that like with schools you know when the inspectors are coming so an OFSTED report really only tells you what she is capable of doing judged by her performance on that day. It doesn't tell you what actually happens on a day to day basis. Most cm I'm sure do their best to make the children in their care happy but sadly that is not the case for everyone.

lulumama · 18/10/2006 20:10

can look it up on the internet..think you need to know their ID number as not done under their name ( not in our local authority anyway) sorry not much help there!!

Blu · 18/10/2006 20:11

Oooh, I hate to say this, because i can see your options are quiote limited given your circumstances, but i wouldn't be happy with this cm.

After such a long relationship, it seems very unsympathetic to charge you a late-fee that must be wuite high if it doubles the bill AND refuse to look after your child! She didn't HAVE to introduce this charge - she may have been advised that it might be a good idea if she herself was often incurring expense because of regular late-ppayments, but she would have had a choice!

And yes, some shopping, occasionally, but 'all around town'? ALL 2 year-olds get fractious out shopping - she should know that!

And personally I would not trust a cm who smacked other children, Basically if she does not have alternative discipline techniques that work with them, what is she doing with your dd? I think it sounds as if your dd is telling you something, and with good reason, in not wanting to go there.

Could you afford a nanny-share with another family, or to use a nursery and then return favours with a freind over the weekends?

I can see it must be very hard.

TheOneAndOnlyHUNKERMUNKER · 18/10/2006 20:12

I would also post on the CM topic on here with a link to this thread asking the CMs on here to have a look at the charges this woman's making to see how they compare. I know the CMs on here all seem lovely and they're always v helpful.

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 20:20

thanks for all the messages it really helps that im not being a paronoid mummy!

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Tortington · 18/10/2006 20:27

have you contacted the local council about a list of people who CM? surely this bizarre fuckwit is not the only one

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 20:38

f**k im sat here crying now thinking i have had to leave my dd with that woman tonight as im on a 12 hour shift starting at 6am tomorrow, she is not having her on friday now and i have got a friend picking her up from school until i get home so at least she is only there til lunchtime

OP posts:
xena · 18/10/2006 20:38

Hi secret i'm a childminder. I think that your childminder is

  • overcharging you
  • being very unreasonable
  • acting very badly towards your 2.10 year old daughter ffs!! There is no way she should be treating your child like that let alone a child so small
  • It imo it is sometimes nesscary to take mindees (pre- schoolers esp)to the shops and can be made fun. but obv not a trip where minder clothes shops etc.
xena · 18/10/2006 20:39

where are you based there are lots of cm on here and maybe someone could recommend you a good cm?

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 20:42

xena i dont really want to put my area on here as she has a big family and i dont want someone to recognise the situation and it getting back to her
dont want to make a bad situation worse if you know what i mean

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xena · 18/10/2006 20:43

yes understandable, have you checked out the on line childcare link?

smeeinit · 18/10/2006 20:51

walks in and apoligises in advance>>>>>
fuc**n hell! what is this woman on?!
i am absolutly shocked and disgusted that this "woman" called your child a little sod?! as for saying she needs a smack? ,as someone else mentioned it is against the law for a cm to smack any child in his/her care.
£10 p/h is a hell of alot of money for childcare you are or are not not happy with,what area are you in to pay that much?! IMO you should start looking elsewhere.
im a cm and like others have had problems with payment in the past and yes it is very frustrating but im also a single parent and know only too well how hard it is to juggle money when you havent got it! i do think its standard practice to charge a late fee but sounds like shes charging waaaaay to much,the norm in my area is £5 per day.
as for the cm taking your daughter shopping....i personally dont see that as a problem as long as its not a long shopping trip and the children are involved.
were you not given a copy of her ofsted report/s ? i give all parents a copy of my report as soon as i recieve it.
sorry bit of a waffle but i really think if you are your dd are not happy then you should seek alternative care.

Original poster
secretidforthis · 18/10/2006 20:59

smeeinit she told me it was the norm to charge £30 a day for late payment, i live in the south east and pay £4 per hour normally and £10 per hour weekends/ bank holidays etc

i have just tried to search for her ofsted report and there isnt one on the net. but she is only meant to be looking after no more than 4 under 5's and she has 5 including dd plus 2 others one 8 and the other 10

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