need to let off steam

[secretidforthis]

i am really pissed of with my childminder!! im a single mum and money is tight. went back to work part time when dd was 5 months and she is now 2.10 have always used to same childminder. I work shifts so have a childminder that does overnights and weekends and gets paid well for it! on average my months childcare fees come to anywhere between £500 and £600 pounds for 10 days work

chilcare for last week was over £200 its the end of the month so money is none existant. in past she has usually been really good about waiting a few days to be paid but she said she wanted last weeks money by monday at the latest she knows i havent got it til next week so she is charging me a daily rate every day it is late which will double the bill! she also wont look after dd til she is paid so i am having to pull a sicky at work and i still have to pay childminder as it is parental reasons. basically in 2 weeks i will have to pay her £600!

the money is not the only problem dd for a few months now has got absolutely hysterical about going there thought maybe it was just a clingy phase but she has justed started pre school and she goes off there quite happily. but she is adament she doesnt want to go to this womans house

picked dd up the other day and she was obviously tired so was playing up a bit she got really shouted at by cm and when she was playing up about leaving the woman just picked her up and plonked her out of the front door. dd has a couple of bruises on her arm and i dont know if they are from this.

cm told me dd was a little sod on sat and played up all round town and in supermarket - she deserved a smack apparently! am i paying £10 an hour for her to be taken shopping!

dd does the odd overnight there and according to cm always goes through the night no problem and doesnt wake up til 9ish - something that has never happened here i am still waiting for her to sleep through and a lie in is usually 7am!

it is really hard to find a flexible childminder and i really rely on this woman to be able to work as i have no family to help i think she knows this and i just feel that she is taking the piss a bit.

am i being unreasonable? sorry this is so long i just needed a bit of a rant.

the woman was really recommended to me and when i first saw her she told me she did loads of stuff with the kids and they wouldnt sit and watch tv. dd is older now and tells me that is all she does there whenever i pick her up tv seems to be on and there is no evidence of any books or art work drawings colouring etc which is what she loves doing at home

i dont mind the shopping trip too much but its only now she is older i realise she doesnt actually do much when she is there apart from watch tv and play on her own at home she loves drawing and reading her books - i send books and colouring books with her but they dont get used, im not expecting the cm to sit down and give her undivided attention but letting her sit at the table with her crayons would be a start!

apparently dd is not allowed to coz it makes a mess!!

maybe my expectations are too high, being a single mum i do spend a lot of time on a one to one basis with her and at the end of the day she is only there 10 days a month max, i just get really upset at the thought that she is unhappy and not being treated with any respect

£30 per day just as the 'fine' for late payment?
That is tantamount to robbery, and unless it is in your original contract or letter of agreement I doubt she can do that, legally. If you mean the £30 is all 'fine'.

Using your holiday to find a more regular job does sound like a good solution...can you find work easily, do you think?

LOL at Custy re 'bizarre fuckwit' - but of course it's all a long way from funny.

thanks blu- have just triggered a distant memory from my law degree

a contract cannot legally be enforced if it is an 'unconscionable ( sp) bargain', or a clause therein

her fine is so patently ridiculous that a court of law would not uphold it as fair and reasonable...and she is abusing her position in holding more power than you as she knows how you rely on her flexibility....

i think that is right!

don;t pay her..if she takes you to court...bring it on!

maybe my expectations are too high, being a single mum i do spend a lot of time on a one to one basis with her and at the end of the day she is only there 10 days a month max, i just get really upset at the thought that she is unhappy and not being treated with any respect

By secretidforthis on Wednesday, 18 October, 2006 9:04:52 PM
i dont mind the shopping trip too much but its only now she is older i realise she doesnt actually do much when she is there apart from watch tv and play on her own at home she loves drawing and reading her books - i send books and colouring books with her but they dont get used, im not expecting the cm to sit down and give her undivided attention but letting her sit at the table with her crayons would be a start!

apparently dd is not allowed to coz it makes a mess!!

please re read your posts and tell me that you think that is not absolute total and utter bloody shameful laziness...too much mess!!! and your daughter deserves to be treated with respect every day of every week of every month!!

when i signed a new contract last month she told me about the late payment fee but didnt say it was on a daily basis! i thought fair enough £30 fine if i pay late but daily is a bit much

im going to do my best to find alternative employment but my work experience is limited and i need a job that is just mon - fri in school hours my experience is mainly retail and that involves weekends!

could just win the lottery i suppose!

if it's not in the contract....it is not enforceable!

jobs within colleges. schools etc..term time only and mon - fri...

your daughters welfare is more important than anything else ...

Wow, I am also a cm, and think that this is appauling.

I look after a lo who's mum is single, so have her overnight sometimes, but son't charge any extra for the "unsocial hours" aspect of it. She realises that I do sometimes need to go shopping etc if she is here on a weekend, but to be honest they are just another member of the family in how I treat them.

It would seem that you are paying over the odds, and you should have a contract with this woman saying what the charges etc are for her. If it doesn't say in there about late fees, then I would challenge it as you cannot just impose a new rule when you feel like it.

If you look on the childcarelink website, you should see other childminders in the area, and you may find another atht is willing to do overnight and also weekends. You have to think that if you are paying her up to £600, then she is really going to miss the money when you go! I bet she hasn't thought of that one!

Hope you get something sorted soon. It is a horrible situation to be in, and as someone has already said, go with your gut instinct. It is easy to look after a little baby when they just sit and play all day, but very different to look after a 2 year old with a mind of their own!

try getting a job as a teachers assistant,most schools only require a good education and no formal qualifications. i do it,to fit in around my kids and as a single parent also i get top ups by income support andhousing benefit.

good luck, that childminder is taking the piss and sounds really nasty.

try not to worry about dd tonight, shes probably asleep now and hopefully wont wake till the morning.

I have also just noticed about how many children she is looking after.

You can only look after 3 under 5, unless one is 4 and in full time education or you have your certificate extended by Ofsted to have 4. This is at the same time however, so you could in reality have 20 part time 2 year olds, but only have a maximum at any one time IYSWIM.

Her certificate and insurance etc should be on the wall so that you can see it. You can then get her report and also what children she should have.

thank you for all the advice and messages, im going to sort out some leave tomorrow so i can job search and get rid of her, i am sure she will miss the money - as the other children are related im not sure how much she gets for them if anything, if i am the only paying parent then perhaps thats why im paying so much - looking back the problems really started when i reduced my hours at work so was paying less

im off to bed now and hoping things wont seem so bad in the morning

thanks again xx

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£ 30 a day is fu**in daylight robbery,this woman needs her head seeing to thinking anyone,let alone a single parent can afford this! i really hope you get this sorted for yours and your dds sake.
im in the south east also and if i can help you in anyway with finding alternative care then please dont hesitate to ask.

(I think HappyMumof2 means that you should take your dd away from this minder)

Fining parents for late payment is relatively new, it is something that is now mentioned during training, but £30/day is totally unacceptable.

This childminder's entire attitude towards your dd is also totally unacceptable. Calling her "a sod" is appalling, smacking any children in her care is definitely not allowed (related or not, and your dd shouldn't witness it either), and she has too many children (unless she has the most amazing variation from Ofsted). And for most childminders, "mess" is our middle name.

Children do go through phases of not wanting to go to their minder/nursery/school, but there is too much bad stuff going on here for you to ignore your dd.

I think you have probably worked out for yourself by now, based on everything we have all posted, that this situation is not right. Ofsted should take note of some of your concerns - having too many children or overnight care if she isn't registered for it (do you have receipts/bills to prove it?) but, (from experience), won't be able to follow-through any complaints about possible smacking/bruising, and won't be interested in whether or not she goes shopping, and they don't get involved in any financial arrangements. Do you know any of the other non-related parents - they might have concerns too.

Finally, assuming you have read this far, take your dd out asap, whatever the consequences are workwise. Good luck.

Personally wouldn't be able to keep using her. If my cm told me my child needed a smack I would wave goodbye and find someone else. There must be a reason why your dd would not want to go there?? imo something is going on.

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First wanted to say how horrible for you to be in this situation. I'm sure everyone can understand how trapped you feel. It sounds like you have worked out that you can't carry on like this.

I would stress not to panic. Your dd has been with the lady for a while, she is familiar, they do go through phases where they don't like the childcare. She is unlikely to come to any harm while you sort out another option.

The late payment thing sounds like she is making a point - it is like blackmail really.

I hope you find a workable solution, but you are not being unreasonable. Some problems/niggles with childcare are acceptable, but your concerns are not.

I just wanted to say that I think you are doing amazingly juggling the hours, the childminder and being on your own. Well done and I hope it works out.

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secretidforthis, I'm wondering whether you are sending your daughter to DS1's former childminder - your post sounds horribly like my own situation nine years ago. No, you are not being unreasonable, and I know what it's like trying to find a good flexible childminder. I gave up work after my second child over the issue, I'm afraid. So no advice but much sympathy.

Hi, I have used childminders for years though not overnight one's, I live in North West London and have never heard of this late payment charge £30 a day is riduculous. Some of them are greedy and take advantage of people, luckily I found a lovely lady who my daughter has been with for quite a while, in summary I would say,

1. why don't you post this in the Childminding Section maybe there someone could help or know someone in the area you are in.
2. £30.00 a day is daylight robbery
3. Smacking Kids - I would never go with a childminder who smacks and I don't know any that do.
4. Sometimes kids do get stressed about going to the childminders it would'nt be unusual and may not be anyhting to worry about.
5. If you ring Ofsted they will have a Section there that can let you see your childminders report, any complaints, they helped me once when my daughter was with a childminder who I had a suspicion had too many kids over what she was allowed, they visited her within about 3 days to do a spot check and reported back to me and did not disclose any details of why they were visiting her.

Would you consider an au-pair some ladies I work with have used some and have been very happy, they stay in their home overnight its just another option short term maybe, this must be very stressful for you.

did you sign a contract agreeing to pay late fee?

take your child out of there asap

report her

have a look on the CIS website for a cm in your area here

thanks so much for all the advice, this weekend has been unbelievable i paid the woman the ridiculous amount of money she was demanding (wish i could find a job that would give me over (300 quid for less that a weeks work!!) as i had to work over the weekend - i knew i would be having nearly a month off after so i could make alternative arrangements

picked dd up on fri lunch time to be told that dd had thrown all her lunch up and the tale was about how the childminder made sure she cleaned her carpet up before she dealt with my dd!! dd was also wearing a t shirt that had sick all down the front of it despite the fact she had a change of clothes in her bag!

chilminder didnt know how dd was sick whether she had been putting too much food in her mouth turned out she was in another room dealing with another child leaving my dd to eat her food unattended!

told the woman i was not happy

went home took dd out for the afternoon and returned home to find a letter giving me immediate notice that she was no longer having my daughter and unless i paid her the money within 48 hours she was handing it to the ncma legal dept!

cant begin to tell how angry i am, have a brilliant health visitor have spoke to her briefly yesterday and she is going to come round tomorrow and i will ask her advice

incidently i went to work yesterday and left dd with a friend for the day and there was not one tear, she was perfectly happy for me to leave her and behaved perfectly all day which is a complete contrast to when she is left with that woman

think there was more going on than i know about cant believe i trusted this woman with my baby for over 2 years!