Using a child's middle name in preference to their first

[wafer]

Hello all, I am in a bit of a dilemma regarding my dd's name. A few months before her birth I had chosen the name I loved at the time, a first and middle name. However, being wrongly convinced I was having a boy, I didn't give it a second thought until she was born, under rather stressful circumstances a month premature. On the day of her birth, she was fine, and I was trying to decide between two names, when she started to have breathing problems and was taken down to special care. Under the circumstances I rather rushed the naming process,my DH left it to me, and now, 4 1/2 months later,although I really like both her first and second name, am beginning to feel that she better suits the middle name, rather than her first - and that I prefer it. As we have already registered the name, I have started calling her by her middle name, as well as her first. It is the name of a flower, so can be done as a term of affection But it feels a bit awkward, and naughty to do this!! My DH has expressed the wish that she be known by the first name, for ease, although he likes both names . I thought that if I continued to use both, equally, she wouldn't get confused and would be able to choose herself which name she prefers to be known by when she starts school. Any suggestions, maybe I need something else to occupy my mind with but names are important, aren't they?

My dad is known by his middle name, as is my aunt. Some people call my DS by his middle name aswell!

You can just call her her middle name, or, change by deed poll?

you're right, names are very important. you and your dh maybe need to decide once and for all which of the two names you want best and if needs be change her name officially. i wouldnt worry about what others might say or think by you doing this - the baby's young enough for it not to affect her and i think it's really important for you to be comfortable with the name she has. I think your confusion is understandable given the cicurmstances. good luck with what you decide

I think you can change the registration any time in the first year. So if you and DH agree why not get the names swapped over?

My BIL is Thomas Stephen, he gets called Stephen... His younger brother was also called Thomas Robert and gets called Thomas... odd family.

My elderly neighbours call my ds by his middle name, as it was given to him in rememberance of their brother, they were always very good to dh whilst he was growing up and the brother died when I was pg with ds. His first name is unusual and his middle name is more common, therefore the 2 old ladies prefer the middle name, I have no problems with this whatsoever

Do you know that within a year you can change your baby's name - contact the regitrar and ask about it - but as far as I know it wouldn't be a problem.
I completely uncerstand how you feel names are VERy important. Also to let you know My dad is JamesGordon - but always Gordon. On his cheques book and at the bank i think it says J. Gordon XXXX.

My dd's name is Ysabella - she is alomost universally including at school just Bella. We register her as such fro clubs etc. Formal stuff regarding her has always had Bella in brackets after the first mention of her name and referred to her as that throughout the rest of the document. It has not been a problem at all

Hope this helps

I know someone who has always been known by their middle name, in fact I didn't know that it was their middle name until their wedding day. IIRC the story was that everyone, including her parents, preferred her middle name and just called her by it.

ok
My dad was known by his middle name from the time he left home, My sister was known as a different name virtually from birth (though her middle names spell the name she uses) merely becos my dad thought it wasn't a proper name so didn't want it on the birth cert !!??? and my brother is known by his middle name his first name is my dads name and little bro has since changed his name by deed poll! I use my original given name - names are important but nothing is ever set in stone and changes can be made - there is no guarantee that your child will like her given name - I love mine and I am still grieving for my surname since getting married... but a rose will still smell as sweet....

There's actually a real tradition where I live (W. Yorks) of passing down a family name & then choosing a name as a middle name, which is then used for everyday.

Ds answers equally to his full name & to the unusual short form (his full name is very similar to dh's).

I honestly wouldn't worry about it - teachers are used to 'Well, her name's X but she's used to Y'

& she'll probably change it to Z when she starts college, just to be awkward.

Oh thanks for all this, I wouldn't want to swap the names round, really as their rhythm is better as they are. I do like the first name a lot ,it's pretty, but, to compound matters did find, after registration of the name,that it has a rude meaning in Urdu. So if she goes to school with other native speakers of Urdu? Mind you names Maybe it would just be better to tell everyone we're

oops! - using the second name

I think that quite a few people choose two names that they like and which work well in a particular order but then might like the second name better and use that. My ex-h's niece was known by her first name til she started school, then her parents decided to change it so that she was known by her middle name. It seemed a bit odd at the time, mainly because they had left it til she was 5, but everyone quickly got used to it.

I know how you feel about the rushed into naming bit. Dd was just over 7 weeks prem and dp and I hadn't decided on a name at all but I desperately didn't want her to sit in an incubator being known as baby G until we could come up with something. I do like her name but I do think that if she'd been born on time we would probably have decided upon something different in those remaining weeks.

i specifically gave dd a middle name i could live with calling her as her first name is extemely common and common practice in primaries here is if 2 or three kids have the same name for some of them to be called by their middle names. i know lots of people who went by their middle name for the rest of their lives for this reason.

I would encourage you to make a decision with your dh and get the registration/birth certificate changed now whilst you can. It is fine to be called by a different name, but it does cause problems - throughout life - some greater some smaller. For example, 5 weeks into term there are children in yr7 at our school whose names on the electronic register are still 'wrong', as they are their given names, not their preferred name. And these sort of admin things do take time to sort out.

But there are potentially more serious situations than this. My dad, say William Peter, was always known by his second name: Peter. When he was unconscious in ITU for several weeks, we were very distressed to realise that the nurses would speak to him, and try to rouse him using his first name "William", which he'd never been called for his entire life. We did all that we could to avoid this: Made sure "Peter" was on the board by his door, and a sign above his bed, and spoke to nurses and doctors individually. But in a busy hospital with lots of staff working shifts, it did keep happening regularly.

So I would encourage you to make a decision and stick with it.

I have always been called by my second name and have found it to be a real PITA!! Computers just can't cope with it and I never know which name different systems have me under.

It is a tradition in my family for the eldest girl to be called by her 2nd name (and we all have the same 1st name), and has been for 7 generations. i feel so strongly about this that when dd was born last year I broke with tradition completely. it caused a lot of upset but I didn't want my daughter to have the same hassles as I have had.

also - when booking holidays - make sure your tickets are in the same name as the passport - easy to forget but can cause problems.

The simplest way out of your dilemma would be to re-register her. You can change a child's name at any point in her first year without much difficulty, but it becomes far trickier after that. Just re-register her with the names reversed.

Alternatively, treat her name as double-barrreled, and use both at the same time all of the time.

Using a different name to the one which comes first on all her paperwork is a real hassle. Plus schools often refuse to use 'nicknames', insisting on the full name, and are even more against using a name that doesn't appear to be the real name. I know, I've been there [gritted teeth icon].

my dd2's middle name is eliza. i thought of it whilst in a daze after my c section. didnt have the confidence to go with such an impulsive choice, so went for the name that was top of our short list. dd is 2 and i still think how her middle name would suit her better.

i do understand your dilemma!

Agree with you roisin about names in hospital, or other "official" places. I used to work in the recovery room in hospital, and one day an acquantance came in as a patient. My colleague kept saying "jeremy, Jeremy" to him (his first name), but I told her he would never realise she was talking to HIM, as his name was Paul! (his second name).

Also my dh's brother and sister have both always been known by their middle names. When his sister got married, the invitations had both names onit (e.g. the wedding of Mary Jane and Peter John) not their real names, but you get the idea. Some friends of her new husband, who didn't know her, sent presents addressed to "Peter and Mary" which sounded awful when everyone calls her Jane.

It's common in the US for people to use their middle names - J. Michael White or whatever, instead of John M. White. Don't see why it couldn't work here too. Just make your minds up before she's 7 - I discovered at that age that the name I knew and that everyone called me wasn't actually my real name and it caused a huge row (7yos are very literal and I thought my family had been deliberately hiding this from me. Refused to answer to the name they had been using ever again.)

In My Nannas family only 2/10 were actually using thier own first names, in many cases we didn't even know their 'real' names which caused problems on hospital visits etc.Think it would be easier long term if you could switch the names on the registraion.

My uncle is Barnabas Richard - yet is called Uncle Dick! His mail/documents/any paperwork is so confusing as it is Mr B, Mr. R and Mr D depending on who sends it - causes him loads of hassle. My cousin is a Reuben - so they often open each others post by accident too! He is a self emplyed builder and work cheques are infrequently incorrect which must be embarrassing asking for second cheques.
Get it clarified before school - sooner the better. She will thank you for it when she is older

I have always been known by my second name and it has never caused me any problems. I expect people to get it wrong and just correct them. I love DD2's middle name which would have suited her like no other but we were not brave enough (and DH not sure enough). Go with your gut feeling as when you get past a certain point you will not go back.

Spoke to dh about it again but he is now quite adamant that she be known by her first name, which he thinks is beautiful. He now seems quite upset that I should want to go back on a decision and thinks it would confuse her if I ever call her just by her second name.