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Original poster

Tips on how to avoid "THAT" mum in the playground

34 replies

horseshoe · 11/10/2006 22:10

I met her through my daughters club and offered her a lift home a couple of times. She them put her DD in my DD's school and since then she has driven me mad. I have tried to avoid her but she waits with sweets for my DD. She sees my Sis and tells her all sorts of things and then tells me different next time I see her, her DD hits my DD in the face and she does nothing about it and now she has attempted to pick up my DD from school "as a surprise" for me. I had called the school to say I was running a couple of minutes late and she actually told them that I had asked her to pick her up. Thankfully they didn't let her go as I had not put her name down. I went mad. Please help!!

OP posts:
Original poster
horseshoe · 11/10/2006 22:10

I met her through my daughters club and offered her a lift home a couple of times. She them put her DD in my DD's school and since then she has driven me mad. I have tried to avoid her but she waits with sweets for my DD. She sees my Sis and tells her all sorts of things and then tells me different next time I see her, her DD hits my DD in the face and she does nothing about it and now she has attempted to pick up my DD from school "as a surprise" for me. I had called the school to say I was running a couple of minutes late and she actually told them that I had asked her to pick her up. Thankfully they didn't let her go as I had not put her name down. I went mad. Please help!!

OP posts:
MrsSpoon · 11/10/2006 22:12

She sounds like a nutjob and from personal experience I would say distance yourself now before it all gets out of hand.

Original poster
horseshoe · 11/10/2006 22:14

My sis says that...I cant move schools so thinking about hiding round corners!!! I have tried to be blunt. Dont offer her lifts...let her walk in the rain that type of thing!!!

I feel mean!

OP posts:
nappiesLaGore · 11/10/2006 22:15

tell her.

ouch tho - dont envy you at all.

you see this is why i am verrry hesitant to get to know anyone round here. its always much easier to pick people up than ditch them ime.

seriously tho - this person needs to be told, gently and kindly, but firmly that you are unhappy with X Y and Z that she has done and will she please not do those things again. after being 'told off' by you, i suspect she will stop talking to you anyway so you'll be off the hook.

MrsSpoon · 11/10/2006 22:16

Think you have to be blunt and on time.

MrsSpoon · 11/10/2006 22:18

Also let her know in no uncertain terms that she is never to pick your DD up.

nappiesLaGore · 11/10/2006 22:19

ah, but not offering lifts when you clearly are able to give them is not actually being blunt. its a cop out on your part and just seen as rude by her (prob)

its gotta be grit your teeth and say what needs to be said time.

unless your instinct says she really is a nut job in which case you need to extricate yourself by any means necessary.

have you tried being more nutty and unpredictable than her, just to 'throw' her, like?

Original poster
horseshoe · 11/10/2006 22:32

I've tried to distant myself but she ended up speaking to my sis and telling her that she thought I was depressed cause I never wanted to talk!

I have spoken to the teacher and asked her to encourage my DD to play with other children and I told this girl that!!

Im worried though!! the more and more she talks the more I think "I hope she is lying". Social services did a spot check on her the other day!!!! I said maybe it was because her kids have been rushed to hospital 6 times since feb for various things she insisted that No social services DO spot check!!! I have never known this to happen to anyone. She always tells me stories of fights...

I mean....what if she comes after me!!!!

My sis thinks its hilarious

OP posts:
Original poster
horseshoe · 11/10/2006 22:33

With the lifts...She lives 6 miles in the opposite direction. I mean she doesn't live remotely near the school and only put DD in there because of my DD.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 11/10/2006 22:46

This is my worst nightmare. It's one of the main reasons I am a hermit.

Don't know what to suggest other than being even blunter - I don't envy you, it's so excruciating trying to end a relationship when the other person is so deliberately thick-skinned. Good luck with it, she sounds ghastly

MrsSpoon · 11/10/2006 22:56

horseshoe, I have very, very loud alarm bells ringing in my head now.

The person I managed to get involved with had a thing about paedeophiles, was full of all sorts of scare stories that were apparently true, wild over imagination. She didn't seem to have any handle on reality which I was to find out to my own horror.

nappiesLaGore · 11/10/2006 22:59

oh horeshoe, it does sound horrible.
and sis laughing at it doesnt help, im sure.

i really think being wierder than her is the answer. like Greeny says, shes being deliberately thick-skinned. well two can play that game, surely? just be really odd and unpredictable. lie and make stuff up, and then deny saying it next time you see her. confuse the hell out of her... worth a try?

MrsSpoon · 11/10/2006 23:05

TBH I think you have got to raise yourself above her, don't tell lies, from my own experience that one thing that I had to hold onto tightly was the catalogue of lies that this other person had told. Not that I am necessarily saying that this person is as mad as the person I met but it opened my eyes to the possibility that these sort of people do exist and I would not take any chances in the future.

MrsSpoon · 11/10/2006 23:07

I don't think I've explained myself very well. I am a very truthful person and I think the truth always comes out on top and has been very useful in piecing my family's life back together again.

Glassofslime · 12/10/2006 09:42

Could you make up a reason why the two girls should have some distance from each other, if her dd is often hitting yours you could say that the girls seem to be upsetting each other and it would be best if they spent time apart, or you're worried about them not making friendships with other children in the class and think they should have some distance from each other. You may have to be very firm about it as she'll probably say there's no problem, but if you make it sound like it's both of the dd's then she can't take offence.

Hopefully then she'll be forced to back off as your 'friendship' is all about the girls. Maybe you could even say that you don't have a great deal or time at the moment to invest in a new friendshp. It is very hard, but it does sound like you need to extricate yourself now.

LadyDooM · 12/10/2006 10:28

Wow... I thought The person I play hide and seek with was bad... your wins the "single white female" of the year award..lol

I have also become quite a hermit myself, after meeting so many mentally unstable people. I don't have any advice, but you sound like me with avoiding confrontation stuff. But you also have to remember this is about your daughters welfare and safety. This woman should know that you don't just pick up other peoples children without permission. She an idiot and the faster you lose her the better. Do you have someone that could be there with you when you tell her how you feel? I think if you do confront her you should definately have a witness in case anything is said or done in retaliation.

LadyDooM · 12/10/2006 10:29

ok I did have some advice...lol

Bucketsofbloodydinosaurs · 12/10/2006 10:30

Here's hoping that she will start blanking you once you've had the talk and get fed up with the 6 mile walk.
I think the mark of a real nutjob is how many times they've moved house in the last few years as 'friendships' go sour (no offence to forces mums).

BloodyTenaLady · 12/10/2006 10:36

She sounds like a lonely mum looking for a good friend.

She saw your lift home as a beginning of a friendship and has tried to continue it. She hasnt got the balance right though.

Your avoidance will only enhance her need to make the contact.

What a sweet thing to think that helping you by picking up your child would be a nice thing to do, all the same a little naieve, given the security at the school.

Could you invite her round without child after dropping at the school with a couple of others to welcome her and to get others involved too?

In my experience its the folk you think you dont like are the ones that are the little diamonds.

wannaBe1974 · 12/10/2006 14:10

"What a sweet thing to think that helping you by picking up your child would be a nice thing to do, all the same a little naieve, given the security at the
school." sorry but this alone would set huge alarm bells ringing for me. esp as she had told the school you'd asked her to pick your child up when you clearly had done nothing of the sort. What would have happened if the school had let your child go with her? considering that she lives 6 miles in the opposite direction. I think she sounds incredibly unstable and is in need of some serious professional help, but you are not the one to provide that. I would avoid at all costs, and I would leave very strict instructions at the school that she is not allowed to collect your child under any circumstances, ever.

BloodyTenaLady · 12/10/2006 14:16

Ahhh, its a sad world we live in, all twisted and suspicious of folk.

If she really is that dangerous, whats stopping you calling the police.

It must be attempted abduction, thats all it could be really, isnt it.

Well if thats what I thought I would have not hesitation in having her sectioned.

BloodyTenaLady · 12/10/2006 14:17

If she were a total stranger, I would agree with you.

MellowMonsta · 12/10/2006 14:22

Hmm. The correct thing to do would be to speak to her and explain you feel uncomfortable with her trying to pick up your kids etc...

If it were me though, I would probably just start ignoring her I find it difficult to have conversation like the one above so would just start backing off big time, pretending you havent seen her, leaving picking up kids until last minute so you dont bump onto her. I am doing this just now actually.

PhantomCAM · 12/10/2006 16:41

Sorry Tenalady but it's not normal behaviour to pick up other people's children from school without being expressly requested to or offering to and it being agreed by both parties.

I would think this was well weird even if someone I really liked and got on well with did it. The school could have got into serious trouble if they had taken her word for the pick-up apart from freaking out horseshoe.

I had someone put their child in my dd's first school (even though it was a long way from her home and definitely not an obvious choice) as a result of meeting me at baby swimming sessions.

Siffice to say that I ended up changing schools to get away from her due to the constant weird attention she gave me (and I'm not the paranoid type).

wannaBe1974 · 12/10/2006 17:19

but the difference here is how this woman came across. if she'd said "I know the little girl's mum so I can take her", then I'd say she was trying to do a good deed and trying to help out a friend. But she didn't offer to pick up the OP's dd, she went to the school and said that the op has asked her to collect her child, when that clearly did not happen. I have friends who would offer to stay with my ds until I arrived to pick him up if I was ever running late, but none who would collect him without my knowledge - imagine how distraught you would be if you arrived to pick up your child only to be told that someone had already collected him/her because they had said you'd asked them to do so? I am not in the least bit paranoid, but think about it for a minute at least.