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Original poster

How do you know how many children you want????

45 replies

NastyNemo666 · 11/10/2006 21:53

Ok pg with no.3, ds is 3, DD is nearly 10mths and am 6mths pg. Dh and I have been debating about if we want more children. We both agree we would love ot have more but dont think we can on a practical level so are trying to decide if DH should have vasectomy or not. So how do you know when you are finished..will we regret it if we do/dont have more??? I think I will always feel broody but also recognise we want to do lots of things with our children and we are always skint which as they get older they would notice but if I dont have more I could look at going back to work etc when all in school..so how do you decide???

OP posts:
hairymclary · 11/10/2006 21:55

I wouldn't jump into anything, so to speak.

Go on the pill, use condoms, whatever, you don't have to have another baby anywhen soon. but don't rule it out entirely, you never know what's around teh corner.

lucykate · 11/10/2006 21:59

i have no idea how you would decide but for us, when we had dd, at first i only wanted 1, but as time went by, we both felt that she needed a sibling and felt cruel making her an only child. when ds arrived, our family just felt complete, like he was the jigsaw piece we had been missing. so at 2, we are done

lulumama · 11/10/2006 22:04

i think you just know.....had DS.....big gap, then had DD...slight broodiness when she was 3 -4 monhts old....now, i am done! have what i dreamed of and couldn;t ask for more,,, have a mirena coil , i am 31 , DH 33, so too young to go for sterilisation...mirena good compromise as if do want more in a few years, can have it removed...

Original poster
NastyNemo666 · 11/10/2006 22:06

we thought about the coil after I had DD but I have a posterier[sp?] cervix so think it would possibly fail. Cant do pill as get too hormonal on it so condoms or vasectomy are the options really. Thing is dh is only 30 in feb and I am 29 next month..although I dont think I would ever say no more but obviously cant keep going forever!!

OP posts:
lucykate · 11/10/2006 22:09

dh & i are both 36, have mirena fitted for now but would like dh to consider the snip when we reach 40.

foxtrottingtotransylvania · 11/10/2006 22:09

I wouldn't make any ireversible decisions until you have no.3, although respect to your DH for even considering the op. IME you may not have time to make any more babies anyway .

lulumama · 11/10/2006 22:09

have you seen family planning person - my gp is family planning expert , as it were and gave great advice,,,there is a non hormone coil..not sure if position of cervix makes a difference, are not all cervixes posterior until last stage of pregnancy

implants
injections
diaphragm
copper coil
different pill types

IMO - too young to go for sterilisation....

Original poster
NastyNemo666 · 11/10/2006 22:11

lulumama mine is always posterior has caused years of trouble with smears and the like due to positioning and it being difficult to reach so dont think would have much luck with coils. We will see someone when DB is here but am just trying to work out options as otherwise..sounds silly..but when baby is here I know I will be doubly broody again.

OP posts:
JoeTwoTies · 11/10/2006 22:20

I have two under two - am I mad for thinking I might love to have another baby next year? The first gap is 16 months - what would be a good gap for bambino 3?

2nervesleft · 11/10/2006 22:25

I really think you just know when you have the family you want. I always wanted 3 but 18 months after number 2 was born I have no urges to have more. Have suprised myself.

foxtrottingtotransylvania · 11/10/2006 22:28

teehee joetwoties - i thoroughly recommend gaps of 13 months (DS1 & DS2) or 15 months (DS2 & DD), no-one believes me when i say we planned it that way but it certainly gets the baby stage out of the way quickly!

Original poster
NastyNemo666 · 11/10/2006 22:28

I always wanted 4 or 5...Dh used to only want 1 but agreed to DD after we had another mc[have had 3]. Then he said we were finished as he thought we were lucky to have 2 which I agree however then talking again and got pg with no.3 He is now of the opinion he would like more but we dont know if we should.

OP posts:
Original poster
NastyNemo666 · 11/10/2006 22:30

we have a 2.2yr gap between Ds and DD and will have just under 13mths between DD and DB. I loved the gap between ds and dd and hope this gap will be as good.

OP posts:
PretendFriend · 11/10/2006 22:40

FWIW we "agreed" we were done after 2, and in fact I got rid of loads of baby stuff; but we weren't, subsequently had no 3, and then agreed again that we were done. But DH changed jobs, which meant I couldn't work any more, so we thought while I was not working anyway we might as well have another (and I was over 40 at that point...)

Have defo finished now and luckily I did stop feeling broody after no 4. Were always skint when they were little but that was OK, with them and with us

juuule · 11/10/2006 23:25

I think that you must just know. My sister knew that was it after 2. I've got friends who knew when they were done. I seemed to always want 'just one more'. However, nature has now stepped in and decided for me and I feel okay with that.....although I do still get broody at times but now I know it's not possible it passes. Coping with teenagers and toddlers at the same time also makes the fact of no more babies easier to bear most of the time, too

LaDiDaDi · 12/10/2006 00:03

My dd is 5months and I know that I will want more, I think I'd like 3 actually. Her birth was pretty stressful and we were both really ill so dp is very frightened of us having any more. When we talked about it on hols he got very tearful and said he had thought dd and I might die and he couldn't go through it again . I'm hoping that with time and perspective he will change his mind as I know that I have more babies in me iyswim although I do want quite big age gaps as I think that a small gap would kill me!

swedishmum · 12/10/2006 00:09

When I had ds (no.3, or 4 if you count the twin I lost at 24 hrs), I remember feeling sad during the emergency c section that he would be my last. Seven years later as I had a straightforward birth with dd (no.4) I felt content that she was my last child. I felt happy that I'd completed my family. Not at all earth mother type.

mymama · 12/10/2006 00:19

You just know. I had dd and ds1 and kept wondering about a third. Got pregnant with ds2 and knew about 5 mins after conception that this was it and didn't want anymore. Having said that, I think us mums are always a little broody. ds2 is now 3 and for the first time I am not expecting/have another little baby (all mine 2 1/2 yrs apart), and I am now feeling a bit sad that the pregnancy/birth/feeding etc days are over for me - but I still don't want another one as I simply could not cope on all levels and dh has already had a vasectomy.

I think you should wait to make the decision until this one is a few months old. You may find that you can only handle what you have or you may "know" that another one will be right for your family.

liath · 12/10/2006 08:20

DH & I have never wanted more than 2 kids, it feel the right number even though I'm one of three siblings. I'm pg with number 2 so DH has offered to go for vasectomy but I think we're too young for that finality so I'm going to have a mirena.

BTW nemo - I've worked in family planning & put in lots of coils - a posterior cervix is NOT a problem but if smears tend to be a struggle I'd get your coil fitted at a family planning centre rather than your GP as they'll be more skilled at potentially tricky fittings. Once you've had kids putting them in is usually a doddle, honest - it has more to do with how tight the cervix is.

muma3 · 12/10/2006 08:46

i ad 2 dc when i met by dp . we decided that we were going to have 2. still waiting for no 4

FreakyFloss · 12/10/2006 08:48

I have no idea. Dp says two will be it - but he used to say one would be!! I think i will see how i feel after the birth of our next baby. Practically two would be it for us atm. Dp is talking about a vasectomy already (*but i don't think seriously!) - he's only 27).

Mateychops · 12/10/2006 08:52

I knew as soon as my second child was born, that was it. However, when I was at the appt for sterilisation, chickened out. Know that I don't want anymore, but either sterilisation or vasectomy does seem very final.

threebob · 12/10/2006 08:55

I think there is a massive difference between deciding that you are done and being ready to be sterilised.

I am fairly certain that I'm stopping at one, and when ds was 2.5 had a coil fitted, which given that I had to pay for it (in NZ and contraception not funded by insurance) was not something I would be planning on having removed any time before it's 5 year expiry date.

However - were dh to announce that he was getting the snip- I would consider that too final.

bea · 12/10/2006 09:06

we had 2 and me and dh never felt like we were finished... always ummed and ahhed and kept ahold of all the baby stuff (clothes from dd and ds too!!!)...

couldn't bear the thought of getting past it and thinkning... ooo! i wished we'd had another... so we had no. 3 (born a week ago!!!) and at last i have that finished feeling!feel like we're done now and physically i feel like i've done as much as i can... anotehr pregnancy would drive me potty!

teased dh about getting the snip but it does seem a little too final to me! - i think he actually wouldn't mind another one... ! basically if we did have another one it wouldn't be the end of the world...

but for now i feel like we're done!

Bucketsofbloodydinosaurs · 12/10/2006 10:19

Always wanted more than one but hate hate hate pregnancy, childbirth and in fact babies under 2 so two kids is enough. Would seriously consider adopting a 5yr old one day though if dh was interested.