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Original poster

How do you know how many children you want????

45 replies

NastyNemo666 · 11/10/2006 21:53

Ok pg with no.3, ds is 3, DD is nearly 10mths and am 6mths pg. Dh and I have been debating about if we want more children. We both agree we would love ot have more but dont think we can on a practical level so are trying to decide if DH should have vasectomy or not. So how do you know when you are finished..will we regret it if we do/dont have more??? I think I will always feel broody but also recognise we want to do lots of things with our children and we are always skint which as they get older they would notice but if I dont have more I could look at going back to work etc when all in school..so how do you decide???

OP posts:

Bucketsofbloodydinosaurs · 12/10/2006 10:21

Congrats Bea. Would dearly love my DH to get the snip! Thought about having my tubes tied but it's an awful lot of hassle and risk for something 10times less effective than vasectomy.

Cappuccino · 12/10/2006 10:26

I would never make my dh have the snip; neither would I be sterilised

I reserve the right for us both to cop off with a younger model and bear more children if the other gets run over by a bus

I have a friend who pressured her dh into having the snip, he refused, and a few months later it transpired she was having an affair and planning to leave him good for him for holding out

I just feel like it's over; there are a whole range of reasons. But I feel like 2 is enough, babies have stopped looking like they have anything to do with me. Sometimes I think about it but then two minutes later something happens that makes me dismiss the idea completely

I'm very very happy with what I have

lipsbite · 12/10/2006 10:28

ive got it in my head that ive always wanted 2 children (ive got 1 atm who just turned 2) and im sssoooo broody but im trying to hold it off as long as possible as no money atm. i just hope to god that i finished on no 2 as i know in my head and in my heart now that i want 2, but does it work??

MegaLegs · 12/10/2006 10:28

Congratulations on number 3 Bea. Don't know if anyone else is like me but as I was growing up and fantasising about the future I always imagined my self having 3 boys. Well I had my three boys and fully expecetd some little mechanism in my subconcious to go 'click' and that I'd not feel the slightest urge to have any more. It didn't and now I have 4 boys! People often ask if I'll have any more, it's unlikely but never say never, I'd love another baby before I hit 40. New babies just send me to goo and I still get so clucky.

lipsbite · 12/10/2006 10:29

oh and i wouldnt like for my Dp to have the snip either as incase (touch wood) happened to the children

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 12/10/2006 10:30

dunno, am thinking i will always want 1 more

when i can no longer aford a big enough car, i think.

LieselVonTrappDoor · 12/10/2006 10:38

I know I want another one, I just cant get round to it. So many other things get in the way, so maybe Im not that desperate - also have an underlying fear. But when my friend is asked how many DCs she has she always says "two for the moment", I have asked her if she would like another one and she says oh no, but I think its always on the back of her mind.

peegeeweegeeWITCH · 12/10/2006 10:44

ohhhh, I don't think I am done...
I always imagined I would have 3. Have 2, a ds and a dd, and hubby is very ready to leave it there...
Right from dd's arrival I have felt broody for no. 3, and dd is nearly 4 now that broodyness is worse than ever...

But, hubby feels that to have no. 3 would put to much of a financial strain on us and he believes ds and dd would lose out...
So... reluctantly I have agreed to stay as we are, but deep down I would like no. 3. Please say I won't always feel this longing..

Original poster

NastyNemo666 · 12/10/2006 10:53

thanks everyone for posting..will go to family planning clinic when DB is here.

in terms of the vasectomy and possibly having more children it is dh who is for it as he said he would never even if we split have any other kids as he would still want tp put all his time and energy into the 3 we will have. I think I am just trying to think sensibly while pg as with both my ds and dd within minutes of giving birth I knew I wanted more.

OP posts:

mamijacacalys · 12/10/2006 12:04

Am quite content with DS and DD.

I had the Implanon implant after DD was born a few months ago as the GP said it was more effective than having my tubes tied (in the high 90s % for reliability compared to the low 90s for tube tying). Also reversible, so if the urge for no 3 ever overcame me, would hopefully be possible.

Perhaps this is a better option for you people not fancying the coil? (A friend had an ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage when using a coil, which was obviously v painful and distressing, so have never personally been very keen on them). It is progesterone based, so like the mini-pill rather than the standard pill, and I have not experienced any bad side effects to date.

JoeTwoTies · 12/10/2006 13:41

Megalegs - that is fab that you have 4 boys. I have 2 DD's and am really broody for third child. Honestly, honestly would not care what sex baby was but just have gut feel everyone would think I am hankering for a boy. Did you find everyone wanted you to want a girl? BTW found all the postings really helpful....have decided to try NOW for bambino 3! I'll keep everything crossed (except my legs.....)

Original poster

NastyNemo666 · 12/10/2006 13:45

aww congrates joetwoties..hope you are pg very soon.

OP posts:

wherethewildthingsare · 12/10/2006 13:53

If you have any doubt at all don't get sterilised. After 3 kids with my ex h, he was adamant he didn't want any more (his idea to have the 3rd) so he had a vasectomy 2 weeks after dd was born. I wasn't prepared to shut the door as it were and didn't want a major op btw he was 35, I was only 28. We later split up and I now have a 9 month old with my dp. I think if you knew you were finished, you'd know! I don't even know now, after 4!

wanderingstar · 12/10/2006 14:05

Nemo you can see now's not the time to decide !
You're pregnant again while your first 2 are still very young. Yes you might feel "complete" when db arrives, but you might not. At your ages you could easily sit on this issue for a couple of years at least. By then eldest will be at school etc and who knows you might feel more ready for another.

mummydoc · 12/10/2006 14:18

peegeewitch - i feel soooo like you, i can't have anymore as ahd to have emergency hysterectomy during delivery of dd2 and still so desparately want a third - so am goign to buy a puppy !

Troutpout · 12/10/2006 20:20

i don't think you necessarily start out knowing how many you want...but you know when you've had enough!
for me it's 2

divastrop · 12/10/2006 21:08

i didnt really want children...im now expecting number 5.i hate being pg but i still dont thnk i could get steralised...it just seems so final.
fwiw ive had 3 coils and had no probs with the first 2(they worked when they were in).the last one wasnt fitted properly by my gp and i had to have it removed.
i found shorter age gaps easier than longer ones.

sweetkitty · 12/10/2006 21:28

Have 2 DDs 2.3y and 9mo, have said we will think about ttc no3 when DD2 is 18 mo so a 2.3y gap.

Everything screams stop at 2, 2 would be easy nice number, get career back easier, never have to be pregnant again or those first few weeks of newborn BFing hell BUT I want another one so badly. Just hope if DB3 were to come along I would feel complete and that was that.

Also does anyone else feel like they have been so lucky with 2 easy births and beautiful healthy children that 3 would be risking it?

Judy1234 · 12/10/2006 22:05

On my divorce I was so so pleased my ex husband hadn't gone off for the vasechtomy (after baby no. 5) that he'd secretly planned to have. You never know what can happen and they're hard to reverse. If all the children died you might want more. If you split up and he meets a younger girl he might well think it fair she has more. Etc.

I always wanted quite a lot. I've been very lucky.

generaldogsbody1 · 12/10/2006 23:30

I have two ds's a 4 yo and 10 month old, I'm pregnant with no3. My Dp has agreed to go for the snip but I'm not sure now. I have asked him to wait to see how we feel, I'm thinking about the implant. Would be gutted if we wanted more but rushed into the snip.

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