What surname to give a baby in a two surname household?

[spots]

When I married dh I really thought hard about name changing. Our names don't sound good double barrelled and I didn't want to just be absorbed by his family name. We thought about combining our names to make a new one and that would have worked well but he sort of backed out, saying that when we had kids maybe they could use that name (It sounded v. plausible) but now we're expecting one - and with only 3 weeks to decide! -he's not keen on that either. How have others resolved the 2 name household issue - or how have you made the decision? should I just let the child take his for the sake of easy school registers etc.?

me and my partner are considering not giving our child a 'surname'at all - just two or three names for himself/herself.
After all, you don't HAVE to carry any official surname in UK, do you?

Davros, I chose not to change my name when I married for a very practical reason. I worked in a very small field and was known by my maiden name. I got jobs because people knew who I was, and who I had worked with in the past. If I changed by name I would have had to start again from scratch.

In addition I didn't feel the need, and neither did dh. We are both very conventional people but neither of us felt the need for me to change my name and become someone 'new' when we tied the knot. Why does that indicate insecurity? On the contrary I think that it indicates the we were both very confident and secure in each other......eveyone makes their own mind up on this. I don't try to convince people not to change their name on marrage, it is their own buisness.

Maybe the whole surname thing is like the joint bank account. I wouldn't see the point of separate bank accounts (and I find all that "he pays for x and I pay for y" quite dumbfounding- not saying there's anything wrong with it- just that I find it weird- but then we are crap with money). Anyway I digress. Despite my dh's name being a bit odd I wouldn't have not taken it, in the same way I wouldn't have kept a separate bak account.

My friend has 4 kids (to the same father) the first was born before they were married and has her surname and the other 3 were born after marriage and have his surname. It's causes her MIL a few issues I think, but they haven't got round to changing it- she says no-one's really bothered.

although hmb has a point. Any academic work is always published under my maiden name (not that there's much out there!). But I wouldn't keep my maiden name for anything else.

And my maiden name is close to the start of the alphabet so I got the Myname, et al on lots of papers! Had dh been Mr aardvark I might have re-thought!

bzhmum - you do have to have a surname. I once knew someone who tried to change her name to "Z" (don't ask), but was told she had to have a surname. You can just make up a surname if you want, but I think at least part of your name should have some family history to it. Maybe that's just me.

I knew I should have toned down that message but..... I think I've been inspired by the TV prog Grumpy Old Men, guess whose first on the Grumpy Old Women prog? I just don't care about surnames much, I've always had to spell every name I've ever had, first names and surnames! In fact, my middle name is one of my grandmother's maiden names and that sometimes causes problems as people assume I've kept my maiden name and taken my husband's name when I haven't!

I knew a couple who gave their children the surname an anagram of "none" to demonstrate that they didn't believe in surnames.

I think if you get a phd in one name you can't take the "dr" title with you if you then change your name. that's what I was told but didn't test it out.

not quite the same problem in our house as I couldn't wait to lose my surname (was loathed ex-stepdad's surname as I changed from my weird original surname simply for ease as a teen) BUT DH has a double-barrelled surname. He hates it. I wasn't keen to take it on as it has a touch of Fforbes-Hamiltons about it, so just used the last part. DH refused to pass on double-barrel to DD so she was registered with just the last part. To 99% of the world we are all just the last part of the doble-barrel. Unfortunately DH's relations insist on using the entire surname for DD when it is NOT her name. Oddly enough the worst offender is MIL who being a feminist type refused point blank to use anything but her maiden name ever!

oh and you can take the PhD title with you but obviously people may not always make the connection when looking at your publication record. I know of a couple working in my old area of research who linked their 2 surnames together on marriage. Got very confusing when they subsequently divorced.

lol Davros! Shall we have a grumpy old women thread? (a bit like the curmudgeons thread, but grumpier).

Grumpy old Mothers, sounds far worse.....

I have 4 children and they all, apart from two, have different dads. (Did a bit of an Ulrika ).I have never hesitated to give them all their father's names. For me it was an easy decision based on the fact that my own dad died when I was too young to remember him, but I was always very proud to have his name. Even when my mum remarried she didn't make my sister and I change names and I was always grateful for that.

Oh, agree shoud have a Grumpy Old Women thread.

What can be an anagram of "None"? Neon? Onen? Onne? Enon?

Well I think the "anagram" of "none" they chose was "Eone" which clearly isn't an anagram of "none" but that's how they explained it.

I'm MRS X for all private stuff and Ms Y for all work stuff (my maiden name). It took a bit of getting used to, but it works well for me. I still feel connected to my old self but I do like being part of a family who all have the same name. It feels cosy and intimate to me. If I thought my relationship wasn't permanent I'd definitely give my child MY name though, as you can't change it otherwise without the father's consent.

Aloha, how do you ever know whether a relationship is going to be permanent? The divorce rate is proof that even the most solid seeming relationships are not immune to cracking up.

I thought I'd say my bit. My dd has both my surname and her daddy's surname. We're not together anymore, and originally we were going to just go with the dad's surname as we presumed we'd get married and stuff, but my mum kept saying I should have my surname in it somewhere.

Well fortunately I did end up putting my surname in too, as we're not together anymore, but at least dd still has her dad's surname too so he still feels like he's a part of her, even though he doesn't live with us.

I'm with the Bloss solution - had to keep my name for professional purposes (and even though I HATE my maiden name I did object to giving it up entirely) so now I use both depending on the circumstances. This has produced a bit of a split personality/double life - as Mrs DH I do all the responsible things like doctors etc, but it's Ms Maiden Name that goes out on the ran-dan and ill-advised shopping sprees.

Both DS and DD have DH's name - but when we took that decision we also decided to include in their names some of the 'lost' maiden names in the family ie my maternal grandmother's and dh's maternal grandmother.

Goosey, I didn't write anything about 'knowing' a relationship was posted. In fact, I posted "If I thought my relationship wasn't permanent I'd definitely give my child MY name"
Obviously I hope and think my relationship is permanent. We are married and have talked seriously about staying together until one of us dies. If we didn't both think like that I wouldn't give my child a different name to mine. I don't see why anyone would.

duh, I mean I didn't post anything about knowing a relationship is PERMANENT.

Sorry, you mis-understood me. I wasn't quoting you directly. Whether a person's relationship is permenant or not doesn't change the fact that that man's relationship as the child's father IS permanent.

Yeah, but if I'm the one living with my child and being the sole carer for the vast majority of the time then he's damn well having my name. I personally couldn't bear to have a different name to my child - and double that if I was raising him pretty much alone. Anyway, why does the father's permanent relationship with the child mean the child has to have his name? Doesn't the mother also have a permanent relationship with the child?

YOU may not be able to bear it, but it may be a very important personal link for a child to know that his mum loved and respected his/her dad enough to give them his name at least.

I really think that's an outdated patriarchal notion.