Men's understanding of the title

[Posey]

Following another thread, just interested to know what other men think the title Ms is for when used instead of Mrs or Miss.
The man in question thought it was to denote a divorced woman.

So can you ask any men around what Ms means or why it is used. Oh and how old is said man?

Dh is 39. He says its just a preference so you aren't letting people know if you're married or not when it is totally irrelevant.

@ becky (or becky's DH, I suppose...)

I am Ms, hate being called Mrs (am divorced) and miss always makes me feel like a teenager!

I bet some of you get this too:

My mum, when writing just to DW and not to both of us (birthday cards, etc) will use not just our communal surname but MY initial, not DW's. She thinks it's standard. So, e.g. if she wrote to Cherie Blair, she'd put "Mrs T. Blair", and if she writes to her friend Jane Smith who is married to Ron Smith, she'll put "Mrs. R. Smith". And so on.

We've told her time and time again that we don't like it. She still does it.

Bet this annoys at least.... six people on here.

It is formal etiquette to do that, although I don't know of many (?any?) people in the younger generation who like it. Some of DH's older and dottier relations do that too (e.g. with my birthday card) but it doesn't bug me significantly more than being addressed as Mrs Hisname. If they are going to get my name wrong they may as well get it completely wrong.

It does bug me a little when they write me a cheque payable to Myfirstname Hislastname, which I then can't pay into anywhere because Myfirstname Hislastname doesn't actually exist, and hence doesn't have a bank account.

Lemonaid, I get this, as far as I'm concerned mrs myfirstname hislastname is my MIL, we often get cheques made out to this fictitious person, but at our branch I take my wedding cert in, sign the back and write on it the circumstances and they will then pay it into our account which is in the names of ms anniediv and mr dh.

I've had that cheque from elderly relatives made out to Mrs dhfirstname dhlastname too. Aarrggh. Kept my own name on marriage so really grates.

Was trying to explain to someone the other night that it is old-fashioned formal address for a married woman and they just didn't believe me though! So looks as if times have changed, thank God.

Keeping your own surname is handy as it allows you to instantly identify cold callers. And confuse the hell out of them.

My auntie does that thing of Mrs (his initial) Surname. But its okay for us as we have the same initial otherwise it would irritate me.

Will probably get slated for this but in my experience woman insisting on getting called 'Ms' usually have a chip on their shoulder!

Am tempted to post a vague generalisation on women who insist on being called Mrs, and then we'd see who had a chip on their shoulder...

My mum's even more pedantic about the male initial thing - as apparently if you put Mrs Her Inital Surname, it means she's divorced. So mum gets very huffy as she is a widow and still insists on Mrs His Initial Surname.

lemonaid Just shows that you have chip on your shoulder, when you replied to me as you dont know anything about me

Chip on shoulder about what? Not wanting to be defined by your marital status? Wanting equality with men?

Could be wrong, but I think actually that in many European countries, titles like Frau, Madame etc are used for, erm, mature women with no implication meant as to marital status. (how you feel about being assessed as mature as a whole different can of worms, of course)

I am currently teaching EFL to some German students, and they all address me as 'Mrs' with utter confidence, and with zero knowledge of my personal life - something English/American students would never do. I actually go as 'Dr' in the workplace, avoiding this whole issue.

Interesting that you assumed that I meant you had a chip on your shoulder, which I didn't in particular.

Possibly the reason that women who prefer "Ms" sometimes appear to have a chip on their shoulder is that they spend their lives dealing with assumptions that they must by definition be divorced, "an out and out lezzie" or "touchy, chippy..." (just to mention a few of those raised on this thread).

I was merely speculating that if women who preferred Mrs had to respond to the same kind of crap they might appear to have a chip on their shoulder too. Nothing to do with you -- as you point out, I don't know anything about you.

But have I got this right... if I'd not replied to you, then on the principle of "silence betokens assent" I'd be agreeing with your point of view that "woman insisting on getting called 'Ms' usually have a chip on their shoulder!", and therefore I would have a chip on my shoulder. But by replying to you with a light-hearted comment I am also, apparently, proving that I have a chip on my shoulder. Is this one of those weird logic problem paradoxes?

Istopped using Miss when I had my son
I no longer felt like a miss, but I was not a Mrs.
Hmmm

It's not "for divorced women who keep their married name"! What a load of nonsense.

As OP says, it's for women who don't think it's anyone elses's business whether their married or not.

It's about equality

(Ms Maiden Name and married BTW)

I've never been sure I liked 'Ms' as a title, for all the reasons listed here, but I do use it, all the time because I can't find another appropriate one - I kept my name when I married, so I am not Mrs Marriedname, but neither am I Miss Maidenname because I'm married, or indeed Mrs Maidenname (although I get called that a lot and don't really mind) becuase that's my mother, and I'm just not!! So Ms is the only option really. I agree that maybe most of the rest of Europe has it right by using Frau / Madame etc to denote an adult woman, and Fraulein / Mademoiselle for a child or young woman. Doesn't Mademoiselle mean 'maiden' in fact, so maybe we should all change over when we lose our virginity?!

i'm a Ms and i don't care what people think of me, and i have tons of chips on my shoulder

I asked DP and hes never heard of the "divorced woman" explanation, he always believed it was used if a woman didn't want to specify her marital status.

I use Ms sometimes because we're not married but sometimes Miss sounds either too young and girly or too spinster-like (and I am neither! )

The minute I started using Ms after my divorce in 1983 the men I worked with were always taking the mickey with over-stressed pronunciation (MMMMMZZZZZZZ), references to raving butch feminists and, bizarrely, Multiple Sclerosis. Thankfully those days are over.
I agree, I don't think it's anyone's business what someone's marital status is. I use Ms exhusbandsname but am often called Mrs exhusbandsname or Mrs partnersname. My dp gets called Mr exhusbandsname quite often. Who cares?

I see Ms as someone being old and unmarried and too embarassed to be Miss or divorced? I hate being called Ms - i find it insulting

Y0ur very brave saying that!!!!!!!

Well, I'm 43, certainly, and I haven't taken up any of DP's frightfully inviting suggestions we get married (they tend to be along the lines of "it would make everything so much simpler" and "so d'you want to marry me, then?") but even if I did, I'd be a Ms. I have this, you know, think~ about not being hog-whimpering wild about being defined in terms of my relationship with a man.

That should be thing.