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Original poster

Men's understanding of the title

82 replies

Posey · 05/10/2006 14:49

Following another thread, just interested to know what other men think the title Ms is for when used instead of Mrs or Miss.
The man in question thought it was to denote a divorced woman.

So can you ask any men around what Ms means or why it is used. Oh and how old is said man?

Dh is 39. He says its just a preference so you aren't letting people know if you're married or not when it is totally irrelevant.

OP posts:
southeastastralplain · 05/10/2006 15:17

i use it quite alot, i can't be bothered explaining to people that i'm a Miss not a Mrs and Ms lets you get away with not having to explain it iykwim. Mr's don't have that trouble so why should women

CountessDracula · 05/10/2006 15:17

I just emailed dh about this

his response:

Entirely neutral. I always use Ms if I dont know. Also if I suspect lezzer tendencies.

NotQuiteCockney · 05/10/2006 15:17

Um, "Mrs." suffers from the same problem re: plurals, what with it not being a real word.

"Ms" is pronounced "Mizz". Obviously people should use what they're happy with, as a name.

UnquietDad · 05/10/2006 15:22

poppynic - I realise it's meant to be an equivalent to Mr. I'm just interested as to why having two titles for women is seen as a problem over here, when it doesn't appear to be in most of mainland Europe. That was my reason for raising the language issue.

Possibly Madame is more neutral - e.g. Segolene Royal is "Madame Royal" all the time, even though she and Francois Hollande are not married.

CheesyFeetcomingtoGETyou · 05/10/2006 15:23

I have an aunt who changed her name by deed poll to her dp's and became Ms dp. He then upped and buggered off. She still calls herself Ms dp as they have a son and it's easier for her and her son to have the same name. She is a teacher and insists on Ms not Miss or Mrs at school.

marymillington · 05/10/2006 15:37

I get peed off by having to use a title at all.

I didn't take DH's name when we married, so none of them seem right.

lemonaid · 05/10/2006 15:39

In several (most?) European languages, the title used for married women, (Madame, Señora, Signora, Frau) is the direct feminine equivalent of the title used for men while the title for unmarried women is a diminutive (Mademoiselle, Señorita, Signorina, Fräulein). For this reason, IIRC usage in many European countries has shifted towards using the married form as the default for all women in professional usage.

So the phenomenon of moving towards a generic title for all adult women isn't confined to Anglophone nations, but the means adopted is different -- perhaps because Ms had already been coined in English before the feminist movement really got going so was there waiting to be adopted, while other languages had to come up with their own solutions.

motherinferior · 05/10/2006 16:11

OK. I asked two Blokes. DP said in a back-covering way that he Never Makes Assumptions (I think he felt this was just domestically prudent, iyswim). The other, my male jobshare, said he assumes the person is under 50.

QueenEvil · 05/10/2006 16:21

dh reckons the use of Ms is a cover for being an out and out lezzie.

southeastastralplain · 05/10/2006 16:23

then he's silly

QueenEvil · 05/10/2006 16:25

Yep, he is that.

edam · 05/10/2006 16:31

I think the maiden surname myth is an example of back formation - when people don't know how a word emerged and try to invent a likely story. Ms just means a grown-up who doesn't particularly want to share the details of her private life with strangers, thanks very much.

Although I do find myself relaxing about people assuming Mrs these days - since I kept my surname on marriage it amuses me to be Mrs Edam - sounds like my grandma!

Original poster
Posey · 05/10/2006 16:32

Just rang my dad to ask him (he's nearly 70)
He said he would assume that the person was a strong, career-minded feminist! They may or may not be married but the fact they called themselves Ms would mean that their marital status was irrelevant.

OP posts:
southeastastralplain · 05/10/2006 16:32

haha Qe! i'll have to ask my dad too he's 76!

WeaselMum · 05/10/2006 16:56

I am an out and out lezzie and have always used Ms

I am in a civil partnership so definitely not a Miss. Mrs would imply marriage to a man. So no choice really.

anniediv · 05/10/2006 16:59

I do get called mrs anniediv sometimes, but what is funnier is when dh gets called mr anniediv, his mum gets in a right old spin. when we got married his parents asked if I would change my name to his I said "yes I'm going to start calling myself 'Bob' too."

QueenEvil · 05/10/2006 16:59

weaselmum - aaargh didn't mean that in an offensive way, hope it didn't come across like thaT! (someone tell her, will you )

WeaselMum · 05/10/2006 17:03

oh no no no QE! was just smirking cos (whisper) it's quite true a lot of the time isn't it...

QueenEvil · 05/10/2006 17:08
Grin
CountessDracula · 05/10/2006 17:10

oddly dh's sister is a lezzie and uses Miss

foxinsocks · 05/10/2006 17:16

poppynic, I don't like it when doctors do that (but I suppose they have to cover their backs and try the married surname first). I always feel like they are talking to my MIL when they address me as Mrs X (dh's surname).

Best thing I think, is to catch them as you go in and when they address you as Mrs X say something like 'please call me Lucy' or whatever.

foulmoonfiend · 05/10/2006 17:16

Ha! just asked dh what he thought if he knew someone liked to be Ms and he said without hesitating 'Handle with care'. When pushed to elaborate he said ''y'know, touchy, chippy...''

I'm a mrs, but I really don't care whether I get Miss, Mrs or Ms. I prefer my christian name to be used. Though, actually, not by cold-callers - just too familiar!
The odd time I've been called Ms FMF, it's always been used with an odd emphasis.

Pruhoohooohoooooni · 05/10/2006 17:23

DH said "You don't make any assumptions. maybe she is married but hasn't changed her name but maybe not."
Not quite as humorous as CD's dh though.

I am at the people who assume a divorcee. Why, fgs?

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 05/10/2006 17:26

Dh said "it means it's a woman". So that's cleared that up....

CarolinahowlingattheMoon · 05/10/2006 17:29

wasn't there some crappy sitcom years ago featuring a chippy etc divorcee who insisted on being called Ms?

am rather that so many people (in the 21st century FFS) still think it's for divorced women.