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Original poster

DS NOT INVITED TO A PARTY ... AND I AM UPSET

30 replies

bouncy · 08/04/2004 21:57

Might add that I am due on and very emotional, my DP has said I am being silly. Thought I would ask for a second opinion.
Just spoken to my friend who's daugher goes to the same playgroup as my DS, she mentioned that her DD has been invited to this party, I called other friends and all there children had been invited, on my DS party this girl was invited, but never showed up. I know that this is not an accident as she has chased up invited and asked people if they are coming etc etc. Dont think they have had a falling out at playgroup or anything. I just tucked DS is bed and he looked so lovely that I came down and got really upset.

AM I being daft or has something similar happened to others.

OP posts:
Nutcracker · 08/04/2004 22:02

I did used to get a bit annoyed if dd wasn't invited to someones party, until she had her own. Then i realised that you can't invite everyone, and told dd it was up to her who she wanted there.
Although having said that, i did try to make sure that she invited people who's parties she had been to. I know take the money you would have spent on the pressie and buy your ds a treat

misdee · 08/04/2004 22:06

i asked dd1 who she wanted at her party as felt it was her day and was up to her who she had there. i know some people invite whole classes, but as dd has problems with some of her classmates (one girl in particular) i didnt feel that dd1 should have to have people there she didnt get on with.

Kayleigh · 08/04/2004 22:11

bouncy, I felt terrible for my ds1 the first time I realised he hadn't been invited to a party and his friends had been. But then like Nutcracker I realised that not everyone invites the whole class and there will invariably be times when he is left out.
It bothered me a hell of a lot more than it bothered him

happycat · 08/04/2004 22:20

.Sometimes at this age parents seem to make their minds up about other kids.What I am trying to say is that my middle son Is a real live one he is not naughty but very loud and in reception he used to get left out of parties.One woman invited every boy in the class except him.I was gutted and sad (so your not alone)My friends child who is a nice quite boy got invited to the lot.Now things have turned around and ds2 is invited to parties all the time and the quite child isn't.My ds2 is really popular.So no your not being daft.Remember though this is no reflection on your ds try not to feel bad.take her out for the day or buy her a pressie like nutcracker says.

happycat · 08/04/2004 22:21

sorry him

Original poster
bouncy · 08/04/2004 22:31

Thanks, Guess hormonal. Yes Ds is a bit of a livewire, again not naughty just loud and that, I guess that could be it. It seemed that out of the 10 in his class, DS was only one not to be invited.

OP posts:
kid · 09/04/2004 09:32

I know how you feel. It is a bit upsetting when your kids don't get invited to parties. My DD has been left off the invitations lists of about 3 parties in the last month. I know it would be too expensive to invite all of the class but I think maybe the parents could be a bit more tactful when they hand out the invitations. Some of the kids in DD's calss were saying can I have one? or Wheres my one? to which one particular parent replied 'no, your not coming!' Thankfully my DD din't even notice, but I did!!!
At least I don't have to buy that child a present and can get my DD an extra treat! Try not to let it bother you.

noddy5 · 09/04/2004 09:48

we are having trouble limiting my son's party.He is 9 and we can't invite more than 8 boys so some are left out even though he went to their's but I let him choose so dont feel too bad about it.There are definite selective invites at our school certain people always invited but I try to keep out of it

Freckle · 09/04/2004 09:50

BTDT and it is very upsetting. Tbh at this age your son might not even notice. I've got upset because my 10yo hasn't been invited and he certainly notices. At the end of the day, these things happen and children have to learn to cope.

I don't think you are being silly, but this probably won't be the last time.

tallulah · 09/04/2004 10:35

DS2 was the only boy in his year group at primary not invited to his supposed best friend's party when he was 10. He was upset but I was livid! I don't think there's much you can do about it though. (He's almost 15 & it still hurts to think about it. )

oxocube · 09/04/2004 12:18

The rule at my kids' school is that you either
a) invite all the class - usually party at bowling/'fun palace' etc.
b) invite all the boys/girls depending on sex of child
c) have a small party, maybe to cinema or theme park, inviting only a couple of best friends

I should add that there are only 20 children in my kids' classes which obviously makes things easier. I agree that to exclude one or two children from a party that all their classmates are going to /talking about is outrageous and very cruel.

Cam · 09/04/2004 16:30

sorry to but into this thread but oxocube, am I right in thinking you haven't podted for yonks? And are you still living in Holland?

Cam · 09/04/2004 16:31

poSted, I mean!

iota · 09/04/2004 17:34

I shan't be inviting ds1's whole class to his party, but I really hope that people don't get upset or offended.
I usually have around 15 children and it gets harder each year to draw up the list without causing offence, as he has friends from school, plus others to invite.
I don't want to invite huge numbers as I wouldn't feel comfortable being responsible for 20+ 5 yr olds, especially as ds1 has a 2 yr old brother who will be wreaking havoc in his path as usual.

oxocube · 10/04/2004 16:39

Hi Cam, I dropped out of posting for a while as was really busy - we moved house last summer and I've been doing up house and garden.We are still in Holland (much to DH's dismay, I think! We expected to be here for about 2 years and are now coming up for 3 and he is ready for a change. Problem is, the kids and I are really putting down roots again) Anyway, am now back with avengence and am spending FAR too much time on Mumsnet

Paula71 · 11/04/2004 22:46

I agree with oxo that it is monsterously cruel of any parent to exclude just one or two children from a whole class like that. Fair enough you can't invite everyone but think of the rejection if just a few aren't invited! I wouldn't be so cold-hearted, if having a limited number I would make sure there wasn't this situation.

I doubt I'll have any success when ds twins start this primary politics (or does it start in nursery?) Their birthday is between Christmas and New Year so a party would probably fall flat. Still it will be interesting to see what happens with any invites they get-imagine if one received and invite and not the other!

juniper68 · 12/04/2004 09:18

Awww bouncy, that's a shame that the others were all invited. How well do u get on with the mother btw? It's just when my ds1 was at nursery school he only got invited to my mates kids parties. We had a few say they were coming and not turn up. No call, excuse or anything. My ds2 hasn't been invited to any parties from pre school yet. He's a hitter though but my friends invite him to their kids

Do you have any older kids? It's just my ds1 is always at them now. 2 next weekend.

chipster · 22/05/2004 20:53

My ds hasn't been invited to a classmate's party - feel a bit upset as I can't bear the thought of him being left out, but I don't think he has noticed and it doesn't seem to bother him - am sure that parents feel it much more keenly ! Some children we know are just very popular and get asked to everything - ds is is quite quiet and not a rough and tumble kind of a boy (the party boy is) so I guess he doesn't fit in. I'd be really interested to talk to other mums who have less 'physical' sons - mine is almost 7. He's very happy at school and I don't want to look for problems, but sometimes I worry that he is not part of things.

coddycodcod · 22/05/2004 20:59

would you hve invited this child?

OxfordBaby · 22/05/2004 21:15

Just read this thread, absolutely knackered after a day of full on babydom...(one DD age 5months) I forgot I have to do parties one day!!! I need another glass of wine!!

cazzybabs · 22/05/2004 21:16

As a teacher it makes me made how parents can invite all the girls/boys but one. Either you should, as Oxecube says invite everyone or a few!

on another note I had a pregnant hormonal moment when someone couldn't come to dd's birthday party! I lay crying in bed, saying she hasn't got any friends - she's only 2 and already no-one likes Bouncy - I don't think you are being silly - its a maternal thing! But don't know what you can do about it though. I am sure your ds is a fine young man!

chipster · 23/05/2004 13:01

coddycodcod, did you mean me (would I invite the boy whose party it is ) ? or were you replying to someone else ? If ds had been invited to this boy's party then I'd feel obliged to invite him to ds' I suppose....

fqueenzebra · 08/09/2005 22:00

Chipster -- I do have a very physical son. He walked early, could ride a bike before all the others, can climb anything, did very well on sports day, gets picked for sports teams...But he also rarely gets invited to parties.

It annoys me a lot, too.

FatThighs · 27/09/2006 14:51

the whole party thing sucks.

whatever you do someone is always dissappointed and it really does hurt - parents more than children!

One day the party age is over and done with!!!!

Piffle · 27/09/2006 14:54

I did something really childish once
I took ds to Alton Towers on teh day of the party and told him he could invite one friend.
It seriously pooped the party as it was the party holders best friend who went with him
And they raved about it for days afterwards
ours was an exceptional circumstance we were driven to it by bullying.