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Original poster

OPINIONS PLEASE - LEAVING KIDS TO GO TO SUPERMARKET

78 replies

SEXGODDESS · 07/04/2004 09:12

DH is asleep upstairs and kids (11 (v sensible)and 7 quite sensible) are watching tv in lounge. I need to go to supermarket but they don't want to come. Am tempted to go and leave them with strict instructions not to open door (which I know they won't) and if they are worried they should wake daddy. Anyone done this before?

OP posts:
Galaxy · 08/04/2004 11:37

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tamum · 08/04/2004 11:37

I think I've seen those in the GLTC catalogue, bundle- our tenement was much too high for anything like that, unfortunately, unless there were longer ones somewhere. We're in a house now, so it's not such a worry.

WideWebWitch · 08/04/2004 11:39

I'd have gone too.

tamum · 08/04/2004 11:39

There are some ladders here and harnesses on the next page.

bundle · 08/04/2004 11:40

this website has some of those ladders, even ones up to 3rd, 4th floors

Galaxy · 08/04/2004 11:43

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Slinky · 08/04/2004 11:51

Bundle

No, sorry wasn't saying you were being ultra-cautious (says me who has 11, yes 11! smoke alarms in our house )

I was following on the conversation about a fire breaking out whilst SexGoddess DH was upstairs asleep. When I was pregnant with No 3, I was forever falling asleep on the sofa, whilst DS1 (then under 2) and DD1 (almost 4) were rampaging about.

As for my DH, well he suffers very severely from sleep apneoa and although I will leave my kids in his care (and so I should!) he will quite often fall asleep at a drop of a hat. He has been known to fall asleep mid-conversation (very embarrassing when we're out )

I'm not sure if I'm losing track of the conversation, but reading through it again - NO, I wouldn't leave my 10yo in the house alone, but YES, I would leave my children downstairs during the day whilst my DH slept upstairs

I'm sure one of my many smoke alarms would go off (they are tested regularly) and our escape route upstairs in out of either ours, DD1, or DD2 bedrooms as they all have little ledges for us to get onto.

Believe me, I am obsessed with fire and being trapped, hence the amount of smoke alarms. Our windows have locks but keys are left in. Even had my Fireman neighbour come round to check my house over.

bundle · 08/04/2004 11:52

slinky, 11
wow

Blu · 08/04/2004 12:14

LOL MI, and well done SexG.

When I was 10 (and that was before smoke alarms were even thought of) I was left with my younger brother and sister (3) while M went to shop. We had just returned from hols and the boiler had been turned on for the first time in ages. While M was out I thought I could smell smoke from it, so immediately marched B&S out of the door, shutting all doors behind us, and made them stand still at the bottom of the garden until M came home. Basically, I confidently did what we did in school fire drills.

We have to dare to sleep at night, relying on a smake alarm: what's the diference that SG's DH was sleeping in the day. 11 year olds are really quite grown-up and sensible, and 7 year-olds are not toddlers....and bringing children up with lots of common sense and safety awareness is important. If we're doing that, shouldn't we trust our skills as parents enough to allow them to put it into practice? Anyone read Frank Furedi's Paranoid Parenting?

eddm · 08/04/2004 12:47

LOL MI. I gather the age at which you can legally leave kids on their own is 13 which seems a bit old to me. I was definitely left in charge of my sister before I was 11. Our toaster caught fire but being the bossy big sister I sent my sis next door to our neighbour and put a tea towel on the toaster (had heard something on Blue Peter about not using water on electrical fires). Obviously a thick blanket would have been better than a tea towel, but not bad for a 10 year old. Neighbour just grabbed the tea towel and chucked it in the sink.

aloha · 08/04/2004 13:09

There is actually no legal minimum age, eddm (been through this on MN before ), but he NSPCC says 'most children under 13 should not be left at home alone except for short periods, and no child under 16 should be left at home alone overnight' - but that's just advice, not law. Of course, sexgoddess's kids weren't at home alone.

hercules · 08/04/2004 13:17

After reading roisins thread on her son i have made much more of an effort to get ds to be more independant. eg sending him around the sm to find something on his own, lettiung him look at the toys while i go to lok at something else etc etc.

misdee · 08/04/2004 13:23

can i just add soemthing about fires. dh house was set alight about a yr before we started dating. the smoke alarms are just that, SMOKE alarms, theirs melted in the heat of the fire and never even went off. what woke dh mum up was the fire extinguster expoding. it was a really intense fire and they were lucky to get out.

but getting back to the question, yup i think leaving the kids at these ages with a sleeping parent is fine. after all my kids wake up b4 me, and dd1 puts on the tv/video herself and will will catch 30mins extra in bed. and didnt we all nap when babies were small and no-one else was about?

secur · 08/04/2004 13:25

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roisin · 08/04/2004 14:25

Oh crikey hercules - I'm shocked that you remember my thread and my name too ... does that mean it's the first thing someone thinks off when they read a post of mine somewhere! (I've a hopeless memory, and can't remember anything about anyone on here...)

Blu - yes, I've read the book, and agree with most of it. I try and bring the boys up to have some independence if possible.

Sexgoddess - well done. I'd have done the same thing in your position: Haven't done so yet, mine are still too young, but hope to feel comfortable leaving them for short periods by the time they are the same ages as yours.

Original poster
SEXGODDESS · 08/04/2004 14:52

Can I just add I have never let my dd out to play on the road nor have they ever walked home from school on their own or gone to shops on their own - dd just wouldn't feel confident doing it. So this is a huge leap for someone going to senior school in September. Like you hercules, I encourage dd to go into shops on her own and feel confident asking shop assistants for help finding things etc. and if we're in WHS for instance I'll encourage her to find a book she'd like while I'm looking for other stuff.

OP posts:
Slinky · 08/04/2004 16:22

After reading this thread, made me think about letting DD1 and DS1 have a bit more freedom DD1 is 8 and already I encourage her to look at her childrens books whilst I'm looking at something else, also ask her to go and get something from another aisle in the supermarket.

Today for the first time EVER, DD1 and DS1 (DS1 is 6) were allowed to play on their scooters outside the house! I took them out the front and showed them which houses were their "boundary markers" - only 3 houses either side - but they were absolutely delighted by this. Only did this because DD2 was at nursery - she's 4 and I would not be happy for her to the same.

DD1 is off to Brownie Camp tomorrow morning for 4 days - first time ever that she's been away from home (other than staying with my brother/mum - and that's only overnight). I know she'll come back having "grown up" more - so I'll have to have a think about letting her do more stuff.

006 · 08/04/2004 16:34

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iota · 08/04/2004 16:35

My brother, aged just 11, had to cycle 3 miles across a busy town to his secondary school, as there was no bus service.
I know this was a few(!) years ago, but I think the principle that an 11 year old can be sensible and independent still applies.

beetroot · 08/04/2004 16:37

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Blu · 08/04/2004 16:56

LOL 006

Original poster
SEXGODDESS · 08/04/2004 16:57

What...? get up whilst I am still in bed.... no never.... I'm always up with them....

YES!!!!

OP posts:
Goingcrazy · 08/04/2004 17:24

I have left both dds (age 9 and 7) while dh is asleep, in fact most Saturday afternoons!! If I waited for him to wake up i'd never be able to nip to the shops! In just over a years time DD1 will be walking half a mile to a bus stop, getting on a bus herself(not a school bus although there will be other schoolchildren on it)and travelling half an hour to school. I feel that before that time i need to be giving her a bit more independence so that she feels confident to make that journey. Scary though.

tallulah · 08/04/2004 17:37

We left ours for the very first time when they were 11.5, almost 10, almost 8 & almost 6. I remember it vividly because on the journey we turned on the radio to hear that Princess Diana had died.

We went to B& Q (because we lead such exciting lives ) which is about a 5 minute drive, & we were out for a total of 20 minutes. I had my mobile & DD had DHs mobile, with my number in the window, ready, so she only had to press call.

We worried sick from the minute we left home until the minute we got back. They were fine.

It was much later before we left them for any length of time & I think our first big trip was to the cinema (this time with the mobile on silent/vibrate). I was quite surprised when the mother of one of DS2s friends said she regularly left her 2 (then 10 & 8) & thought nothing of it.

It really depends on the personality of the child(ren); the situation & the sort of place you live in (we had a wonderful neighbour at the time who was always in & was available in the event of an emergency, & the PIL are 10 minutes drive away as well).

We left DS1 (aged 16.5) alone overnight last month, dog-sitting. Also worried non-stop & he was fine. (He asked us to stop phoning on the 3rd call- I kid you not!!! ) Grandad was on-call in the event of emergency. I was 15 when I was first left alone at night.

hercules · 08/04/2004 18:32

roisin- i dont normally remember (that would be sad) but it made me really think. Like going crazy it wont be that long before he's going to sec school on his own and back and i dont want him to be unprepared.