What should a family holiday be 'for'?

[Blandmum]

Out of the nanny on holiday thread.

Are holidays just for the kids?

Do all the family have a 'right' to enjoy different things on holiday?

I've just posted on the other thread MB and I think I've given the wrong impression somewhat!

I agree with you that holidays are for all the family and we certainly did the odd thing that was more for us than the children and explained that to them - pointing out all the things we did that they wanted to do and that this was something daddy really wanted to do (the castle!).

With small children (say under 5 or 6) I still think the balance is swung in their favour really, particularly during the daytime. For us, the evenings are strictly ours and even though it's a holiday we put our children to bed at 7ish as normal so that we can enjoy a meal together, read, chat, watch a film etc.

This is something my SIL doesn't do and that's why we went together but stayed in separate cottages. I popped over once or twice for things at 10pm and my neice, 4, was still up in the lounge (watching Bad Girls or the 10 o clock new FFS, but that's antoher thread!). This would not happen in our cottage. In fact I did utter the phrase 'it's our holiday as well' a number of times on holiday!

we havent been on holiday for years so i wouldnt know

but I thought they were for everyone involved

Our holidays are for everyone - to get out of the city and away from work/routine

Holidays are for all the family surely. We went to Brittany last year. We stayed on a fabulous camp site. One day we went out sightseeing and the next day we stayed on camp doing children's activites. It worked a treat, everyone was happy (no nanny present btw ;))

sorry if I mis understood.

Erm think they need to be for everyone. DS1's needs are so different from ds2 and ds3's needs that we no longer take them away together. DS1 hasn't been away this year, but we took ds2 and ds3 away for a week.

When we go away I need the children to be in bed early so dh and I can have some time together. So we get a break together as well.

If dh and I want to have a break ourselves we leave the children behind and go away overnight (or book ourselves into a autism conference ;o)

I'm VERY lucky that my parents can cope with ds1 otherwise all this would be impossible.

with small children (not babies) during the day it's generally centred around keeping them entertained but that doesn't mean it has to be boring for the adults does it?

If we're talking sun holidays, judging by the pool areas and beaches a lot of adults just lie in the sun anyway so that's hardly stimulating (I'm not knocking it, I used to be a professional sunbather ). Pedaloes are a hoot for everyone and waterparks. If you want an afternoon on your own - kids clubs are perfect, mine loved them, especially dd, she liked to organise everyone else there!

It's a chance surely to recapture a bit of your own childhood, revisiting old haunts with happy memories and doing daft things that you can blame the fact that you have kids on.

I went to a kids club? EVIL parent! When was that??? I only remember once in the South of France!

Holidays should be for everyone, that doesn't mean though that every activity should be for everyone, iykwim.

We often split our family in two for various activities on holiday, or Dh will take all three lads and leave me to shop/read/relax etc.

We've just come back from our summer holiday which was definitely more adult-orientated (twas for my 40th) but we compromised on things we did to make it more suitable for the boys where possible.

Our next holiday (next Easter) will be at Duinreil which will DEFINITELY be one for the boys.

for us, they're a way to stay in a place bigger than a shoebox. that's enough of a treat for me and DH!

also a chance to see and explore our beautiful country.

I don't see why everyone needs such different things, though that may be because mine are all still quite young (4 aged from 16mnths to 6 years). We all enjoyed doing a variety of things as a family, from waterparks and theme parks, to museums, waterfalls, caves and late nights in pubs or restaurants.

there were times when it was hard work with the babies, or when ds reacted off of something due to his sn, but we managed. We spent a lot of time rushing about to different things which kept the kids entertained, but we did get some time to relax too, while the kids were paddling or playing together.

belbang. Duinrell Is fantastic for kids. we have been three times and my two talk about it more than our visit to Eurodisney.

Let me know if you cant any tips. It looks great on google earth as well!

Broadly speaking, to create memories and a sense of shared identity and history.

The day to day mechanics of how that works doesn't really matter, but that's what I hope to come home with at the end of the holiday.

Mine need hugely different things because ds2 and ds3 need to do kids stuff- got to parks, swimming pools, the beach, and to go out and to be able to play outside and to eat out in cafes, they can't do any of that with ds1 in tow (severely autistic). So ds1 gets left behind so ds2 and ds3 (and us) can have a holiday.

We don't go very far, because leaving ds1 behind seems terribly wrong, and we like him to visit us for one day, but we have to leave him behind in order for ds2 and ds3 to have a holiday at all.

All the family should enjoy family holidays. As parents we sometimes have to grin and bare it and put our children first, like standing for an hour waiting for them to come off the bouncy castle or sitting through cheesy Bradley Bear shows. The things that entertain children are often not my idea of fun. But when me and dp plan the day, like visiting ruined castles etc, we try to involve the kids, make it sound exciting, so that they enjoy it as much as we do. Also like Joolstoo said, it's a good excuse to act like a child again and blame it on the fact that you have kids, I have been known to get on the bouncy castles with them and have a jolly good time

What I increasingly find about holidays, especially now ds is at school, is that they give us a chance to spend a big chunk of time together as a family and rebuild that family dynamic which can be diluted the rest of the time by school/ work/ routine/ friends etc. I like going away with other people but I do like to have at least a week on our own a year.

We have been camping a few times this year which I thought I would do on sufferance but was prepared to do because it's cheap and I thought the kids would love it. DP and I have been surprised by how much we've enjoyed it too.

Me and dp were just discussing this the other day, I have very fond memories of my childhood, my parents made everything child focused and family holidays are a very special memory for me, where as dp's parents were alot more selfish and seemed to put themselves first alot, dragging the children along places they didn't want to go, not involving them in activities and leaving them with childminders while they did their own thing.

jj, I understand what you are saying. my ds regressed a lot by the end of the hol, stopped talking, had to be back in nappies. He reacted badly to sand, and I have soem film footage to show when he goes back for his next paed appointment. But he isn't too severely affected so most of the hol he did enjoy, he even got to meet dolphins. I was rather worried how he was going to react when they chose him to be towed round in a boat in the show but he jsut blanked the people and stared at the dolphins!

MB - it was thanks to your advice (and a colleague who's been) that we booked.

Really looking forward to it - and on the few occasions when the last holiday got a bit tough for our younger two, we just reminded them about it. (We've just done a Baltic Cruise, which for the most part was fantastic for all, but was very intense when we were in St Petersburg - the one place where you can't just do your own thing and leave the tourguide to deal with a stropping (tired) child, bless him.)

Promises of Duinreil really helped, lol.

FFS, they don't stay kids that long!

I think holidays when kids are under 5/6 are mainly to give the kids a different kind of experience - so for our two it's so they can go to the beach every day, in hopefully warmer weather! The only way it resembles any kind of 'holiday' in it's restful, relaxing sense (we've found) is if we go with friends - somehow 4 adults and 4 kids is easier than 2 adults and 2 kids..! This year we went to Pembroke with friends of ours and we all had a brilliant time because the kids got to go to the seaside most days and had each other to play with, and the adults managed some grown up conversation in the evenings, nice meals (due to friend who is brilliant cook!) and shared responsibility for the kids. dp and I even got to go to the shops - ON OUR OWN!!

That's why we're taking them to Duinreil - so they can have lots of fun, doing what they want to do.

TBH, though, a holiday is often what you make of it. We've done lots of different holidays, from a cheap sundeal, various self-catering holidays in this country and abroad, to Florida, and the cruise and we've enjoyed them all. We've been lucky and had no major mishaps and reasonable weather whenever, and as parents we're more relaxed cos we're away from the humdrum, therefore the boys are more chilled and enjoy most things, be it playing on the beach, traipsing round castles, cathedrals or just lounging about.

As I said on other thread holidays are for

a) all of us to be together without work for me/dh and without school/nursery for the ds/dd respectively
b) For me and dh to lie in/relax/spend some time together
c) For the children to spend time with us and playing alone
e) General respite from the hectic whirl of normal life

holidays are for getting shitfaced without social services taking away your children.

pmsl custy