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Original poster

How / When did you lose your virginity?

70 replies

Elf1981 · 12/08/2006 21:56

I was thinking about this the other day after chatting with a few friends, then spotted Tamba's thread and it got me thinking - does anybody look back on losing their virginity as a positive experience?

I lost my virginity to my first serious boyfriend at 17, about a week into the relationship, in his best mates bedroom, during a free period at school, all over within a minute or so. I spent the rest of the night in my room feeling really wierd. Not even sure if that was it, the relationship was over - we'd never told each other we loved each other at that point and hadn't even clarified whether we were exclusive.

When I look back on the year I had with my ex, I regret the whole experience - it was a relationship where coming out of it I felt used, bruised and battered. Literally.

My second partner is now my DH, we have been together for 6 years, married for 2.5 with a nearly 1 year old dd. Our first time wasn't ideal (in a local park at 11:00 at night, blush, blush!) but it was later in the relationship - we'd told each other how we felt about each other, he'd already told me he was going to marry me (!!). But was that experience better based on learning from my mistakes from the ex?

I just wondered if anybody had any positive experiences. If not, it makes me feel sad for when my daughter gets older, knowing the kind of feelings she may be having but totally unwilling to talk to me about it.

OP posts:

lucykate · 12/08/2006 23:39

i was 18, it was in his bedroom. we were listening to fleetwood mac. must have been good because i married him and we're still together 19 years later.

either that or i'm easily pleased

notsopositive · 12/08/2006 23:52

My first time was awful, was in my bedroom, I had been seeing him for about 4 months when he decided "tonight was the night" because my parents were away, and I wasn't given an option to say no. Have only recently told my close friends about this although dp discovered this quite quickly when I began having flashbacks and nighmares. I have dealt with it and moved on.

After this I played the field once or twice, fell in love a couple of times and waited until I was ready (and they were too!). I Have been with dp for about 10 years and to say he reaches the spot is spot on, lol!! Life can get better even if you feel like you fell at the first hurdle.

jackjohnsonshat · 12/08/2006 23:57

I almost hesitate but hell, why not. I was 15 going out with a 23 year old. he was actually quite an unpleasant person. he was very insecure and extremely possesive - we would argue about me talking to male friends. without wanting to sound conceited he was also less good looking than me (I mention that cos I think it had quite a lot to do with the nature of our relationship)I have NO idea why I was with him. I think it was partly going out with someone older, had a car, own flat etc. Also the slight shock factor of going out with someone who got all dramatic and possessive about me. after a couple of months I basicaly decided it was time to lose my virginity - this was very much influenced by a perceived need on my part to break the rules - to do it before the govt decided it was ok for me to do it - it was certainly nothing to do with him. I was on the pill in a precautionary, bound to do it one day, type way. Obviously he needed no persuading so there you go. I cringe to this day to think that he never said a word about contraception and he didn't know I was on the pill - as far as he was concerned he was shagging a 15 year old without any thought for possible consequences. I dumped him very soon afterwards. (he took a bit of persuading taht no, I was not going to go out with him anymore, and no amount of threatening to top himself was going to change my mind) I was very clinical about the whole thing. I don;t know if it its shocking to say it but I was very self-aware and I knew what he was about and what was in it for him, but there was also something in it for me. I wanted to loose my virginity on my own - with no emotional attachment - it was about me, not about me and someone else. I used him to get me over a certain barrier that I wasn;t ready to really share with anyone. Obviously he used me too, I'm not denying that. But ultimately I was more attractive, about a million times more intelligent and more emotionally grown up than him. so I kind of felt I came off best. blimey. I've never written all that down before. it's maybe a bit sad. but I've never had a problem with it. (i'll be fully honest ...it's thewomanwho etc here. changed my name earlier and can't be bothered to change it back. )

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/08/2006 00:01

nsp, sounds to me as though maybe you havent dealt with it.....

jackjohnsonshat · 13/08/2006 00:09

nsp - just read your post. i'm so sorry. glad your dh hits the spot. good on him.

notsopositive · 13/08/2006 00:11

I suppose one day i'll be 100% certain that I am over it. Just because I no longer shake and get tearful everytime I think about it, I convince myself that I am over it. I'll get there. I was 15 and he was 16. I am still so angry that he took something so special and important away from me. My dp is great about the whole thing, very supportive, lets me get on with it on my own or if I need him, he's there, what ever I choose he responds. Soooo wish I could have waited and made it romantic and special.Gutted.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/08/2006 00:12

nsp - have been there. CAT me if you want to talk about it, okay?

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 13/08/2006 00:16

NSP - I know what you mean - I still have moments when I think about it and really regret it - but live with it now.

expatinscotland · 13/08/2006 00:16

That's really awful, notso.

notsopositive · 13/08/2006 00:17

Thank you VVVQV, thank you. I might just do that when I can!

expatinscotland · 13/08/2006 00:21

I'm really fearful for my DD's, reading all these negative experiences.

I didn't love Pierre. I cared for him, but didn't love him.

He was very gentle and respectful of me, though.

I know I was lucky in that, I knew that when I went w/him.

Hope my DD's have an experience like 'bobsmum', however.

I got around a bit, but there was a lot of heartache involved as well, which I hope they'll be spared.

Gingerbear · 13/08/2006 00:21

I know who it was with - my then boyfriend, and that I was 17, but I cannot for the life of me recall the actual event.
I guess the earth didn't move!
I do remember VERY well though the first time the earth did move!! (Not the same BF)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/08/2006 00:22

Hey, no problem. It is, rape and sexual assault that is, unfortunately, a shockingly frequent occurance.

expatinscotland · 13/08/2006 00:23

Damn, this guy showed me what orgasm was all about!

SaintGeorge · 13/08/2006 00:32

Had a bad experience at 15, wasn't raped as my brother turned up just in time to get me away, but it was bloody near. Made me very wary of men and I always backed off when relationships got too close.

Finally at 20, at a party at my parent's house, I got the deed done. And that's what it felt like, getting it out of the way so that I could get on with my life. It was a guy from work, married with a reputation but I didn't care, he was a means to an end. We became bloody good friends afterwards although we never got it together again.

NotQuiteCockney · 13/08/2006 07:32

I was 15, so was he. We were both virgins, and we'd been dating for 8 or 9 months. Neither of us had even kissed anyone else.

We discussed that we were going to do it, I went on the pill ahead of time, as his older brother said condoms sucked.

It was outdoors, in a wooded bit of a park. It was ok, but a few times later we got the knack of it, and it was actually good.

He was a nice bloke, absolutely bloody gorgeous, but not the right bloke for me - we went out for 2.5 years, all in. The sex was always really really good.

jellyjelly · 13/08/2006 08:07

I was 16 with a guy called Mark who i went out with for about 9 months and we lived together for a while. Short but sweet as evry session was but we learnt from it as he was a virgin too. He was 18/19

I did want to lose it to another guy - god that sounds awful but as silly as it sounds we didnt know how to progress it on from sexy underwear to well, you know so we didnt but he was and still is the best kisser i have ever had and i do see him now and again and i see his girlfriend and think 'lucky girl'

GarfieldsGirl · 13/08/2006 08:58

I was 17, it was with a bloke I worked with, he was 26, he was sh*gging about 5 or 6 others there too, and was still with his 'ex' girlfriend. To be fair to him, it was me that siad just get on with it, I don't care how much it hurts, and he was brill afterwards (but thinking about it afterwards he probably had a lot of experience dealing with that side of things). I met DP 2 months later, and really regret not waiting, but at the time it seemed like the most important thing. I was being taunted at college and work for being a virgin do had to get it out of the way.

MaloryFascinatorTowers · 13/08/2006 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Panyanpickle77 · 13/08/2006 09:22

I lost my virginity when I was 17 to my first "Real" boyfriend. It happened in my bedroom (with Phil Collins in the background....CRINGE) of all places!!! We split up after 3 years for 18months and played the field (but still saw each other regularly and spoke every day) but finally realised we were right in the first place and married in 2001. I have absolutely no regrets, and feel the best thing that happened was when we split, as It made us realise our true feelings.

Original poster

Elf1981 · 13/08/2006 09:40

I wonder if people were so honest about their first time, others may not be so quick to rush into it?
I was the "first" in my group of friends to "do it".
Talking to my best mate after the experience I said it was "nice".
Wonder if I had said "well, first he was in and I thought, oh is this it, then he was out and I thought oh, so thats what its all about".

OP posts:

Bucketsofdinosaurs · 13/08/2006 10:13

"Didn't realise until after we'd split up and I slept with other men just how crap the sex was that we were having!"
LOL, sooooo glad I didn't marry my first!

mummyhill · 13/08/2006 10:17

Jackjohnsonshat & notsopositive parts of your experience sound sooo familiar.

I was 15 going out with a 27 year old. He was also very insecure and extremely possesive and used to drink. I have NO idea why I was with him. I think it was partly going out with someone older even though he still lived with his parents and rode a motorbike. after a couple of months he basicaly decided it was time to lose my virginity regardless of my feelings on the matter. I dumped him very soon afterwards. (he also took a bit of persuading that no, I was not going to go out with him anymore, and no amount of threatening to top himself was going to change my mind) I he actually turned into a stalker and followed me everywhere. I resorted to martching into his parents house and grabbing a big knife out of their drawer and telling him to do himself and the world a huge favour, stop threatening to top himself & following me round and just get on with it.

DH has had to be very patient with me (luckily he is very understanding) We now have two beautiful children and a great relstionship.

Quootiepie · 13/08/2006 10:22

15 to a horrid horrid ex.

mummyhill · 13/08/2006 10:23

I knew my now dh throughout all of this as he was going out with a mate. He managed to support me thorough all the hassle and when they broke up years later even though I lost a friend in the process it just seemed so natural to start dating this wonderfully supportive, kind bloke who was already such a good friend.

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